I know you don’t always feel this way
but the truth is you are the mother your child needs. I’ve got an expert here
today that can prove that to you. When I said expert, I meant
Christie Gardiner who’s joining me today. She is an author. But more than that,
she’s tuned in to this concept. Christie you and I have talked about this before.
And you’ve even written a book. Can we share that with our viewers? -You Are The
Mother Your Children Need. So, Dr. Paul, what I want you to know is that this
book wasn’t born from me being an expert. This book from me being in the trenches
of motherhood in the middle of diapers, in the middle of the fevers and the 2
a.m. croup. And the not having had a shower for 2 days and wondering if I
am ever going to be who I was ever again. And wondering if I am enough for these
precious, precious little babies. -Right. And we get in our own way sometimes. -Yes.
Because with all of the burdens of being a parent and especially a mom; And you
know what? That’s why I invited Christie because I have never been a mom. -Yeah.
-I’ve got a mom. I’m married to one. I know some things about parenting but I’ve
never been a mom. Christie has. And thank you for sharing that Christie because
you’re you’re coming from a place where all too often we go. And we start to
wonder, “Am I good enough as a mom? As a parent? Am I the right parent for these
kids?” And your powerful message is, “Yes you are.” -So, you have these babies. And they
mean more to you than anything in the world. And you love in a way you never
thought possible. -Right. -You just want to give them everything. And you want to
give them the perfect mother. And all they have is you. And it can leave
feeling a little short. So, what I do in this book is I seek to tell you that who
you are is enough. -Yes. -You are enough. You are the mother your children need. So, let
me tell you how this book came to be. -Okay.
-Okay. So I was in a meeting for women and there was a woman presenting in front of
this meeting. And I was a brand-new mom. I would just to a little baby and I was
taking copious notes. And she actually said this phrase: “You are the
mother of your children need.” And something inside of me. I had a 2 month
old baby so I was a perfect mom still. -Oh. -Not quite perfect but… You know, I
thought I was going to be perfect. -Your child hadn’t taught you yet all the
things you didn’t know you didn’t. -Yes exactly. -Right. -And so I wrote that down.
Something about it ring as important. And I wrote it down and I circled it. And it
became my anthem through my years of motherhood. Yes, you are the mother of
your children need. Every time I felt inadequate, this would come to my mind.
And it made me think why. Why am I the mother my children need? So, that
is how the book was born. -Christie, we all have strengths and we all have
weaknesses. And we get into a comparision trap sometimes as we compare our own
weaknesses to other people’s strengths. -Right. -Your strengths are different from
mine or from Christie’s. -Yes. -You are perfectly designed to do what you do
including being the mom to your kids. -And what your children need, you have. So, I’ve
never played the trumpet in my life. But my daughter plays the trumpet. But
somehow, the gifts talents and abilities I have enabled me to support her in that.
-Right .-And that is the beauty of this concept. So one day, I was trying to learn how to
clip in on my bike. That means you put your shoe into a clip on the bike
instead of just pedaling. I guess that’s why people don’t ride bikes. -I didn’t know that. -I decided
I wanted to be a real cyclist. So, I was trying to learn how to clip in and I was
just falling falling all over my driveway like a little
child would fall on her bike. And a neighbor pulls up. And she comes up the
driveway to teach me how to clip in. She could see my problems, she’s an avid
cyclist. She wanted to teach me. And we got into this conversation. And I was
looking at her. And all of her gifts, she cycles, she bakes, she’s this amazing
woman. And she says to me, “You know, sometimes I worry that my daughters…” Who
were grown at that time. Nearly grown up. She says, “Sometimes, I worry that my
daughters didn’t get the dance mom. All of the moms in our neighborhood take
their children to dance. And they’re great dancers and they are all these
little girls had dance. And my kids didn’t. And I really feel bad about that.”
And her daughter’s not only are amazing people but they bake these pies. And
these pies are so fantastic that they actually financially put themselves
through college with pies. How is she not mother her children eat we need? We need to stop
looking at other people’s gifts, talents and abilities and start looking inside
of ourselves. What are the things we do really well? And how do we incorporate
that into our motherhood? So, that’s this first tip to you. Look inside at what you
already have is enough for your kids. -It is so easy to identify all of those
things we can’t do or that we don’t do or that we didn’t do. And you know what
honestly? That list is always bigger than what you have done and what you can do.
-Always will be. -Always. -Stop looking at the lack and start looking at the
abundance. -Yes. -What you do have, what you can do. What you have already provided to
your children. -And what you’re capable of learning. We come up into these
situations with our kids where we’re not equipped. But we are capable of learning.
Because as mother’s, we have partnered ourselves with a higher purpose. And some
people have considered that God. And some people consider that a
deeply-held mission. -Yeah. -You have partnered with something bigger than you.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have chosen to be a mother.
-It’s the most important job in the world. -I think it is. For me, it is. -What could be
more important than that? -Nothing. -Because all of the other jobs in the world are
supported by that one. -Right. -So, I want to give you another tip. Here’s my second
tip for you. Don’t let go of who you were in your mother hood. So, before you’re a
mother, you had things you loved and that brought you passion and that brought you
joy. -Yes. -I don’t want you to let go of those things. I thought for many years
that being a mom meant I took everything that made me me. I packed it up, I put it
on the shelf and stuck it over there. And I thought, “Someday, I
might pull those things back out.” And I found myself over 12 years completely
lost in the mundane things of motherhood and really missing the person that I was.
-It can be very consuming. -It can. And it can. And on purpose. And it’s right for it
to be consuming because we’re humbled and because we grow. And because we become a
better person. But what if your children and what if your family need the real
you? What if they need those pieces of you? If you’re a geographer, what if they
need maps all over the house? If you love nature, what if your kids need to be
stuck in a hiking backpack and taken out from the time their babies? You don’t
have to lose the core parts of yourself because you’re a mother. I remember
when I put some core pieces of my motherhood back inside of me. -Mm-hmm.
-My daughters looked at me and said, “Mom, we like you. You’re so fun this way.”
And I recognized that they had missed out on who their mother really was. And
was that fair to them? It wasn’t. I am raising daughters and a son. And I want
to raise daughters who are confident in who God made them to be. -Right. _I want to
raise a son who is confident in allowing his spouse to be the woman that God made
her to be. So, in order to do that, I have to be who God made me to be. So Christie,
you’re giving us all permission to bring who we really are. -Yeah. -In our entirety.
-Yes. -To the mothering game. -Yeah. -The parenting tasks. -Do it within the
constraints of your life. The constraints of your life don’t have to be constraining.
They can actually free you into a deeper purpose in the things that already bring
you joy. I have never felt so much joy as I’ve felt being on the stage with my
children performing in a play. -Wow. -Way more joy than I ever felt on my own. -And
that’s you mentioned these core elements that you that you had put on a shelf for
a while… And stage production is one of those core element. -I love theater.
I love performance. And now that my kids are in this with me, we have the best time. We
just have a great time. -Oh, that is so empowering. Thank you. -Yes. I want to leave
you with one more thing. This third thing. -Yes. -“But if not.” So, my favorite chapter in
this book talks about this concept But If Not. What if we did not get that
mother that we feel we needed. Is all hope lost? Or what if we’ve made choices
or other people have used their agency that has prevented us in being the
mother that we need is all have lost. And I just want to tell you that it is not
lost. You are capable of being the mother that your children need no matter the
experience you had. No matter the choices that you made before. That is before.
-No matter the choices others made before. That is before and this is
now. It is grace that makes up the difference between where you are and
what you think your children need. And you can yoke yourself to that grace. -What
a beautiful idea. So no matter what we’ve done or have failed to do, there’s always…
Or experience from the doings and failures of others. -As well. -Yes. That is Grace.
-Christie, what a powerful message of hope and perspective. Thank you so much for
joining us. -Yes. You are the mother your children need. -You are the mother your
children need. You can get Christie’s book at amazon.com and if you felt
inspired by what Christie has shared here today, would you please share this
episode with another mom in your life?