[show music] [Marc] Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to The Earliest Show
with Josh and Sam! [Sam] Hi. Oh, thank you sir. Wow! It’s The Earliest Show.
Good morning. How are you? Why do you think
she doesn’t call? When you call somebody you expect
someone to give you a call back, because if you don’t then what the
[bleep] is the whole point of anything? When you are in a relationship,
you give the person a call back even to tell them if
you’re not interested. Well you know, yesterday
we told a really amazing story, but we have to give a
little retraction on it– – Oh my God.
– We said that a women
had 12 babies– – Couldn’t have been possible.
–And we were saying, [ they try to pronounce
“duodecaplets” ] We didn’t know
how to say it. So I hope that wasn’t the problem.
Was that the retraction? What could it have been?
How many kids did the
women have? Uh, she had a few less than
what we originally thought. – [Sam] OK.
– [Josh] A few would be 3. – So did she have 3 less?
– 10. – She had 10 less?
– She had 10 less than 12. She had twins. – So she had a normal twins.
– And we say a congratulations to that. – [Marc] Still a miracle.
– [Sam] It is still a miracle– It’s still a miracle but we
made it a whole story! – OK.
– We made a whole story that we talked about the [stammering]
the duo-DiCaprio thing. Like 20 minutes. Although, I think someone
has something to shoot for. So there’s a new report out there.
Marc, tell me if this is true. It turns out, you know how they
say you have to go to the dentists every 6 months and brush
and floss, keep it clean. Turns out you just have
to go once when you’re a kid and once when
you’re an adult. Check the baby teeth.
Check the adult teeth. – Get it right.
– Don’t put a thumbs up. You know we’re going to
have to retract it tomorrow! – What? No. That one’s a 100%.
– So, what’s going to be the story for tomorrow?
What’s the hot topic? – What are we working on right now?
– Rainbows were invented. – Rainbows were invented!
– We thought this whole time they were a figment of our imagination.
They have been invented. First of all, no.
They’re not a figment of
your imagination either. They exist.
They’re not invented though. Tell me two people that have seen
the same rainbow at the same time. [stammering]
Me and all of my friends. Oh. Yeah. Good one. Well, OK. I’m really
excited because it’s Fall – which means it’s class photo day.
– I am excited for this. I am very excited for this. Let’s bring up photos of a few
people you might recognize. Let’s see Sam.
Pop up Sam’s.
Marc pop up Sam’s. – Here comes my full
photo Marc, right?
– Ah, look how cute that is. I think I’m going to give you a
run for your money on my picture. – OK. I can’t wait. Show me.
– Alright. Marc, put that picture on there. Marc, do me a favor and
put that picture on there. – Marc, put his picture up.
I want to see!
– Marc, put the picture on. Pop it on now! – Awww!
– There we go.
It’s up right now. – Oooh. Bleh.
– Fantastic. Maybe Marc’s instincts
were right for once. Um, you know what
I think it’s time for? I think it’s time to dance
over to The Social Wall. – We almost jinxed on that.
– Marc play the music.
Play the music Marc. ♪ [softly] There it is. ♪ Interesting. Welcome to The Social Wall
presented by Cap’n Crunch. Here we go.
First post. @GrandmaFay1934 says: I’m trying to text my son.
Is this my son? – No. You’re talking
to a show.
– Quick answer. No. You’re talking
to a show. Next post. @WhirlingGirlvish21–
Terrible pun. Staring off terribly. How can I tell if a guy likes me?
#EarliestShow. – [Josh is snorting]
– They flirt with you. They love you.
They take care of you. OK. They love you.
They take care of you.
Come on. That’s funny. [mimicking]
They love you.
They take care of you. [shouting] – Let’s move on.
– Next post. @CattitudeDude–
We got to get cooler people
watching this show. – Sounds like my kind of guy.
– Yo, Sam. My idiot cat always chews up
my video game wires when I’m gone. What lame stuff does your
cat do when you’re away?
#EarliestShow. Hashtag, this feels like too
many characters to be able to– – Are you making these up?
– Well, let me tell you what
my cat’s doing. We can cut to that right now in the
Kitty-Cam and see what Nancy’s up to. So that’s it,
that’s the whole deal? – That’s the cat?
– Yeah. – You dress it up?
– She likes clothes. She can’t tell you
she likes clothes. She doesn’t fight me. Let’s go to commercial.
We’ll be back with more
The Earliest Show. – Oh wow, very abrupt.
– [show music] ♪ Ever wanted to
make your own milk? Now you can with
the Dairy Stream. Step 1: Flip the switch.
Step 2: Trust the process. Step 3: Enjoy your fresh
milk flavored dairy liquid. – [chokes up]
– Order now! [show music] – We’re back Marc?
– [giggling] Welcome back to
The Earliest Show. – [chokes up]
– Uh-oh. We’ve got an
incredible guest for you guys. He’s on TV. He acts.
People write words for him and
he says them out loud. – Give it up for
Jake Johnson, New Girl.
– Yeah! ♪ – [Jake] Hey, how are ya?
– There he is. Hey how are ya? – Hiii.
– Hey. What’s up with him? He’s not so happy. He’s kind of upset right now.
He’s very angry. I asked my girlfriend to
marry me and she didn’t say yes. Do you even know what that means?
You must know what that means. Um, mine said yes.
[chuckles] So, no I don’t,
but I hear you man. – You married?
– I’m married. Yeah. Yours just said yes? That’s how it
goes usually. No, that’s not how it
always goes, because– By the way, I can get her back.
Is that what you just asked me? Did you ask me if
I can get her back? – No.
– I can get her back. – Uh-oh.
– That’s not something
I can’t do. Don’t talk down to me
like I can’t get her back.
I can get her back. – He just got here.
– Well, if you asked her
to marry you and she said, “No”
my guess is that you can’t
get her back. That’s not true.
Do you like chocolate? – No.
– OK. How about now? No. And if you keep asking I’m
going to get a restraining order, – ’cause this is stalking.
– Ask me. – Ask me if I like chocolate.
– And leave me alone. Because the reason I said no
is because I don’t love chocolate
and I’m never gonna. Yeah, but about this?
What if you hadn’t had
enough chocolate? Maybe you only had a
taste of chocolate, and you
haven’t had the full thing. – Maybe you only had a piece–
– Chocolate makes me sick!
I like vanilla. – Ask me if I like chocolate.
– And I like strawberry. – Maybe there’s a certain
type of chocolate–
– I don’t love chocolate! – What about dark chocolate?!
– I don’t love you, and I’m never gonna! You may love it!
You never gave it a shot! – You know what chocolate
I had before you?
– What? Was the best chocolate I ever had.
And can I tell you this? – Don’t you dare!
– I do like chocolate! I just don’t like yours. I just don’t like yours. And after you,
I’m going to get chocolate. – No you’re not.
– From him and him and him, and her and her and her.
They can pour chocolate
all over me! – Get it off your body!
– Jesus! They’re hugging.
They’re play-play, yeah. Stop! Stop it!
This is stupid! I was talking about a girl.
I wasn’t even talking
about chocolate. I don’t care that
you don’t like chocolate. I want chocolate on
my face just not yours. – I don’t love you.
– I don’t love you. What’s New Girl? What’s what? – What’s New Girl?
– What’s Old Girl? – What?
– Well, that’s a good question. If Zooey’s the New Girl
who’s the Old Girl? …who’s the Old Girl? – What?
– If Zooey– If Zoo-ey is the New Girl
then what’s the Old Girl? – What’s the Old Girl?
– And when did– And how old was she,
and when did she pass? …And did she pass? Now I heard that you
directed an episode of New Girl. Was it tough bossing
around your friends? – No.
– Ugh… – Jake, thanks so much for coming out.
– Thank you so much. – It was such a pleasure to have you.
– What a pleasure. – It was a blast.
– Stick around for Monumental Makeover. ♪ [Jake] There’s a real funky
smell coming from you lady. [Josh] What is it?
Why didn’t you take
a shower? [Jake] Honestly, what is that?
– [Josh] What is it? – These are squirrel tails.
– Those are squirrel tails? [Jake] That’s honestly what it is?
It smells like a dead animal. ♪ It is time for one of
my favorite segments: Monumental Makeover
with Janice Crawl. Whoo! Hi, everybody.
Thank you so much. – We are so excited to
have you here.
– Me too. I can’t wait to
show you what I did. – Woooooow!
– I’m so excited. – Wow!
– Yep. Now I cannot wait to
see who you found today to
makeover. Now who is it? Today I made over a
guy named Bert Donaldson. – Yeah, who’s…
– Ooooh. – What is that?
– I want to meet him. And um, I took him
on a fashion journey. – Oh wow.
– Because you should’ve
seen him before. – Well, let’s see that.
– Let’s check him out. – OK.
– This is Bert before.
Eww. G’ross. – That’s a normal dude.
– Might throw up. I’m going to throw up.
I made this fool over. OK. Let me guess how.
Let me just throw it out there. Did you give him like a brown
leather jacket and maybe a grey
button-down and a fedora, and try to promise him that
he’s going to feel better and
be a better person, but in the end you’re doing
nothing and take all the
clothes back? Is that what it is? [chuckling] I’m sure the makeover
was much more nuanced than that. Go on. Bring him out.
Go Janice, bring him out. Go Janice, go. Let’s bring out
Bert Donaldson. ♪ Wow. I paired him in a brown leather
jacket with a grey button-up, with skinny black jeans,
and a fedora. So what is that?
That’s a brown leather
jacket and a fedora? That’s a brown leather
jacket and a fedora. What is that?
Is that a button-down shirt? – A button-down shirt.
– Hey Bert, you know you don’t get to keep the clothes?
Did she tell you that? – Yeah, I heard that.
– Don’t tell him. – He just found out.
– So anyways, this is a very, very stylish outfit
for 2016. – It’s a very man on
the go, you know–
– Yes! – He’s off and he’s
running for his very–
– Where is he going? Is he going to an
Indiana Jones movie? – Do you have a wife
or a girlfriend?
– I do not. – You will after this makeover.
– Really? OK. Right now.
Would you go out with him? I know you’re single.
Would you go out with him right
now wearing that leather jacket? You just made him up.
Would you go out with
him right now? – Yes. I– of course I am.
– Give him your number. Janice, give him
your number. – Can you remember things?
– I’ll put it in my phone. – Oh. [chuckles]
He has a cellphone. – Yeah.
– Tech savvy. – Is that surprising?
– Put it– Take it. 5-5-5, 0-1, 6, 8. Call it and see
if she’s lying. [Janice sighs] Why isn’t your
phone ringing? – It’s a pizza place.
– It’s a pizza place? It’s the closest pizza
place to my house, OK? No. You know what?
Ask her out right now. Do you want to
go out with me? No? – Why was that a question?
– This is stupid. We’re done. Can we be done?
You do it? Nailed it. Alright guys,
we’ll see you later. Good night,
good morning. Close enough.
Did they break up? – Yeah.
– Uh, yeah. – Did you tell her?
– I’m sorry. I’m sorry.