“Take back your voice” Communication is our 2019 theme

– Hey everyone, I’m Hallease Beast, a digital storyteller and video producer. – And I’m Mr. Hallease. I’m a registered nurse,
and I think peanut butter and apple is an underrated combo. – And this is The Beast Cast;
your favorite aunt and uncle talking about married life
and things like such as. – Roll the music. (slow new age music) – You know what I’m thinking
about doing, actually? I was thinking about working with Belief to get a new
theme song for The Beast Cast. – Mmhh. – Yeah. And seeing if he would drop some bars for The Beast Cast. I did talk to him about that. I should follow up on that. Belief, I’m a follow up with you on that. By the time this episode comes out we’ll probably be deep into March maybe. – Mm-hm. – So, you know, a day
late and a dollar short. Whatever. But we want to talk about what our this isn’t our goal for the
year, but it’s just like a theme
– The theme. – Yeah. That worked out. A theme that we’re trying to
keep top of mind for 2019. And it coincides with, I
think, our professional lives as well as our personal lives in regards to this relationship, and just how we approach
business relationships. Just all the relationships. And the theme is communication. Which seems so trivial, right? Like duh, you need to communicate. But it feels so topical. I know me myself business wise, I’ve had a few instances
already where it’s just like, if people had just communicated
this wouldn’t have happened. So, you know, that’d be cool if everyone just communicated effectively. So, you know. – I think the communication
that you and I have personally, I think that it’s gotten better. We were working things out, as again, alluding to an earlier
podcast, you were right. We’re coming out of 2018, we’re like we are not like, we are figuring things out again. – Mm-hmm. – And so part of that is communication. Part of that is
communicating with each other both as friend and lover and spouse. Each one of those legs of the table of our relationship. Yeah. You need to, there’s a different
screwdriver for each one. Screwdrivers communication. I make terrible similes, I’m sorry. But yeah, I mean there’s different screws for each table and so the
words that you would use for one is not necessarily the words that you would use for another. – Yeah. You can’t assume anything. That’s what I’m noticing, with communicating with people. You can’t assume that
people just know everything that’s going on. But then at the same time not
everyone needs to be privy to every thing either. I’m struggling through finding the balance in the communication like does this person actually
need to know that in order for them to
make an informed decision on me or an informed
decision on a situation? – Yeah, because part of a
miscommunication can be that again, there is a lack of education. – Yeah. – So that person just didn’t
know what was expected of them. – Right. – And actually that’s, that’s
what stemmed out of a lot of the conflict in our, like the relationship between you and I. In the relationship between you and I. Can we just talk about how
hard it is to not say like? – Yes. – In this generation, of
like, as a millennial? – It’s not, it has nothing
to do with millennial-ness. It’s just a filler word for you to, for your thoughts to
catch up with your words. That’s all it is. It has nothing, it used
to be, it’s like for us, it’s um for other people,
and furthermore, to that end, from the Elizabethan era like everyone has a phrase. It’s just for use
– It’s just hard sometimes I have a simile, so it’s correct for me to use like but I’m still hearing it and
I’ve heard it in previous podcasts and it bothers me. – Yeah. – Ooh so that’s perfect. Communication. I do not want communicate in that way. – Ah okay. In order, so I’m trying to
keep communication top of mind for 2019. Which means I have written it everywhere. So I have two things for 2019 actually, service and communication. – Service? – Yeah. Be in service to people and
then communicate effectively. – Oh man those are really good ones. – Yeah. So for me it’s about how is
my, how is what I’m doing being of service to others. Whether that be a client,
am I serving that client with my skill set in video? Whatever. And then I feel like
communication ties into that cause if I’m not communicating
with them effectively then I’m not serving them. – Professionally when I talk
to my peers at the office it works pretty well. Talking to somebody who’s
supposedly or traditionally has a higher status than me
because of their job title that’s a little bit more difficult. And I think that stems from a lot of times I try to talk
a little bit faster because I find that when I’m talking
to people they tune out if I don’t get to the point quickly. So I don’t know if that’s unique to me. When I am potentially
addressing a superior, somebody who has more
power than me at work, I am making a conscious effort to think that I do not care about what they think. Or I’m trying to work
myself up into a fight. Clearly I’ve never gotten into a fight but I just rile myself up like that. – Okay. – In tense situations. But I do the same thing when I know that I’m gonna come into a situation of confrontation. So I just start building myself up and thinking that they’re
gonna be argumentative, sometimes I don’t do a good job about that and then I get very passive, but I’m trying to build myself up and say well I don’t care if you’re
gonna get confrontational, because I’m already confrontational. So you can do that and meet me and then we can, I’m
meeting you at the level, like you’re reaching me as
opposed to me reaching you. – Oh, okay. – So it’s kind of like shifting. That’s fine. It’s kind of like shifting the power. See? – Why do you want to be
confrontational though? Is that so you don’t take
too much of a passive stance and just don’t care? Or? Cause to me that sounds
like something that would be not helpful at work. – Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. (Hallease laughs) Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo. – Hey everyone. Thanks for listening slash
watching this Beast Cast. If you’re new here there’s
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on this little tripod. But there are mic stands. People have invented this where I could lean back in my chair and it could still be in front of face. Or we could be sitting on a couch! Y’all like on a couch
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so that way we can sit on a couch if we want to. – I mean just imagine, just picture it. Picture this mind picture. Leaning back on a couch. Talking about, or not even talking, just listening to your significant other rip apart things that they
find annoying about you. Just imagine that in your head. But like the couch is
holding you and caressing you it’s almost as if it’s
saying it’s gonna be okay. I accept your imperfections and yes you can fart into me and that’s okay. – Anyway.
– Anyway thank you for being here. – Yeah. Thank you for supporting this channel and The Beast Cast we
really appreciate it. – If.
– What? Oh I was just gonna mention the merch dude since I’m somewhere
– Augh too much. – It’s too much. There’s merch there you go. – There’s merch if you want it.
– Alright. – There’s a link somewhere but
– Yeah, okay. Back to the podcast. (laughs) Why do you want to be
confrontational though? Is that so you don’t take
too much of a passive stance and just don’t care? Or? Cause to me that sounds
like something that would be not helpful at work. – I mean this is my general feeling of like when I’m dealing with other people I know that they’re going to be. It’s like a borderline fight. It’s a fight of words. Then I’m, I just don’t want
to be caught off guard. Because when I, when I get
caught off guard I flinch. – Yeah. – That’s how I react to things. And so I know that somebody
who’s in a higher position of power, let’s say
someone calls me out for, oh well you didn’t have
this and this done. It’s like yeah, I can’t because there’s not enough time
and you’re asking too much. And you’re expecting too
much of things that happen. They say oh, it’s like yeah. Where as if I’m not in that mindset, like I’m just trying to psych myself up. – Yeah you’re trying to go
through all the possible responses someone could
have so you’re ready with your encounter. – I’m just trying to get
back into that mindset that I had when I was in high school. It’s part of that
feeling at being fearless and feeling like you’re invincible when you’re really not. Where in debate you would you know obviously you’re there
for both of you to argue. Like it’s gonna get heated,
there’s gonna be friction. But that’s the point of being there right? Now when doctors say something then I have to respect
what they say and it’s like you (breathes heavy). I don’t care. Like I just don’t care. So.
– Is it. But is it that you don’t care or is it that it’s not relevant. – No so I should not care if somebody cause okay. So before when I was in debate someone throws a counter argument at you. You expect it. Cause that’s the setting that we’re in. – Right. – But if I’m in a meeting or if day to day at work, someone offers a
counter-argument, or a criticism, or a critique or whatever
of what I’m doing. I want to just know that
that’s always gonna happen. – Yeah. – And so I am just
always expecting a punch because there will always
be a punch at work. And that’s just the way that it is when your leader slash management
adjacent like I am on up. – Yeah. – So specifically this is with doctors. Because doctors have
opinions about everything. Sometimes they’re right,
sometimes they’re not. – Yeah. – And so when somebody just
offers a counter argument or, it’s a strongly worded opinion that is under the guise of fact. When I know darn well what
the facts actually are because I’m in the weeds of it. – Right. – So I just don’t want to back down. When they say something and say okay what you just did
was you were a human telling me words. You are not armed with anything
other than what I have. So like we are both
armed with the same thing except yours is opinion
based on quasi facts and mine is opinion based on actual facts. I just want to disarm
them in what they say. – Yeah. – Are you gonna do, like are
you going to listen to me? Am I going to be able to
get a word in edgewise? Cause I don’t have to stand here. – Mm okay. – But I want to be able,
I want to feel empowered to say are you gonna take what I’m doing? Are you gonna listen? Then I’m gonna leave. And then actually leave. Cause that’s what Chris in
high school would’ve done. It’s kinda like brazen, brash
and a little bit stupid. But it’s not disrespectful
because you’re disrespecting me right now by taking away my words. – Yeah. – So I guess, I think that’s
where I am professionally. So I’m trying to get my
leadership to see that there’s problems. I think, I just wanna take
charge of my own voice at work again whether it’s with
a doctor or higher up, or people who are questioning. Or people, it just, in any aspect of work I just want to take charge of my voice and say yes or no or I can
do this, I can’t do this. I won’t do this. And not be afraid to say, just not be afraid to say things. – You know for me I’ve
had these moments where because of what I’m
doing I can already see just logistically this
is the right outcome. Right? But everything, unfortunately,
or fortunately I guess is open to discussion
because it has to be. Because I am not ultimately the decision maker in that process. So I have to, and I feel like
this is something I’ve had to do for most of my life, I
have to wait for other people to catch up to the decision
that is ultimately what I knew it would be. – Which is typically the right decision. – Right. And so that gets very frustrating. And so for me what I’ve been
experimenting with lately is how can I get to that right decision that is ultimately what’s going to happen. How can I get to it faster? And are there ways that I can
communicate more effectively to get to it faster so we’re
not wasting so much time with the back and forth that
ultimately then it’s like and now they got to a decision
that I have already known. It’s weird it’s almost like I’m a computer running countless simulations of things. And I already, in an
instance, I see an issue, I run through the simulations and I see, oh the most
reasonable track is this one. This is the one that yeah
we’re gonna have to sacrifice x, y, and z, but in that
sacrifice we’ll gain a, b, c, d, and e and then
a little bit of five, seven and 20 you know? So we gain the most and lose
the least with this one. So let’s just go with this one. But then I have to wait for others to get to that too and they take longer. And I’m just kinda doing
that while I’m waiting for them to get to it, yeah. For me, communication is about
how can I communicate more effectively to just get there
so we’re not wasting time. – I don’t know if that
episode with the late night Beast Cast episode will actually air. – (laughs) We’ll see. – I don’t know if that one will air but I made the analogy in that episode that you’re like a chess grandmaster. There’s a lot of chess analogies here but. – Yeah a little bit. – Well I mean it makes
more sense in this instance than when I used it
earlier in this podcast but you’ve already thought,
you’ve not only thought about the end of this game
that we’re playing right now but you’ve, you’re thinking
about the moves that you’re gonna make in games two and
three against your already pre-determined opponents. – Right. Yeah.
– And so then, when your current opponent
moves their pawn like one space. – Yeah. – And it’s still move three of the game. – Yeah. – You do a heavy sigh and aw man, I mean. – As she sighed do you plea in her spirit?
– In her spirit. (Hallease laughs) But that’s the level of
frustration that you have. And that’s also the level, I feel like that’s also what stems from the miscommunications
in the relationship. Because you’ve come to the
conclusion in your head when you’re digesting it. But I have to parse out
how we’re gonna get there. – Oh!! – Like that’s still, that’s still yet to be determined. You’ve gotten to the end point, now you have to drag me to the end point but we don’t have the
ladders in place to get there and so together we make
the ladders to get there. – Oh. – So I think you still do
that in the relationship and that’s where some
of the friction is so. – Yeah. I will like foreshadowed like oh when we move into this apartment
we’re gonna go through another phase of difficulty. And you were like nah! I was like yes we are. And then sure enough. (laughs)
– Yeah. – Here we are. And yeah now we’re
building ladders as you say and getting to whatever the
normal is supposed to be so. And a lot of that has to do
with communicating again. I mean you just dived
into your whole work life in a way that we’ve had
so many conversations about your job and you
have never talked about it in that way. That definitely helps me
to understand your frame of mind a lot better. Thinking back to our last big argument that night the other night? Know what I’m talking about? – There were several but okay. – Where I ended up crying in the bathroom? – Oh right. – And why you were feeling a certain type of way.
– Oh yes! You can just
– That helps! You can just straight up say it. Like I feel like okay
I keep saying like but I felt like the physician emasculated me. – There, you see there you go. – Because he berated me in
front of a whole bunch of people in this work setting. – Yeah. And so I did not realize
that because you did not communicate that to me. So what ended up happening. – Yeah I mean expectations were not met and things things happened. – There you go. You saying this though,
cause to me, what I’m hearing when you’re talking about
how you want to communicate moving forward, it sounds
like you are at war. Constantly. Which for me, as your
wife, sounds terrible. And makes me again lean towards
you needed been done left. – This is the environment
that I go to work in. – Right. – Right? But it’s prepping me because if I can this is the environment that
I get in when I am outside of the house. Outside of our home. Outside of the apartment. So when I come back from that war zone, or from that like conflict zone, I just want to relax right? And that’s why I value staying here because this the reprieve
for the retreat right? So that’s just the nature of things. But if I do, which I do want
to, end up going to work for you and then needing to manage people, I want to be in that mindset
where I can put on that hat and tell people no
that’s not gonna happen. When there was a negotiation
for goods and services and someone came back
with a number for you and I was already in a militant mindset I said no. That is not what’s gonna happen. You need to go back, in
a not a forceful way, but in an empowering way. – Yes. – And say reevaluate and
build a case, a better case, as to why you are asking for that number. – Yeah. – Right? – Yeah. – And then you were
successful in that endeavor. And I felt really good because
I was able to coach you. So I’m I want to move into
that where I’m managing things. – Yeah. – That way you can go on the
back end and be creative. And be – Which is what I want to do anyway.
– Productive right. – Yeah. – So you need the body that can take the blows from that. And it’s fine but there
needs to be a separation. If I’m doing this for
work I can do it at work. – Yeah. – But if I’m at home then it needs to be, like my guard is down with you. I don’t have, there’s not
armor on when I’m talking to you at home. So I’m, when we talk, I’m
in a very vulnerable state. And that comes off in the body language that I have. And that comes off in
the words that I use. But if I’m going to work for
you, I am down with that. So I just keep thinking
about these experiences that I’m having as building me up. So I want to take on as
many of these experiences that I can that way when
I do eventually come up and work for you then I
am in a hardened state. If you’re new to fighting
you’re automatically gonna go into a fight or flight situation as soon as you get in to the arena of fighting right? And so you’re making irrational decisions. You’re relying on that
primitive brain in that setting and you’re very you know,
survival of the fittest right? – Yeah. – Where as if you’re
used to that environment you don’t automatically get
the rush of stress hormones the adrenaline and all that
when you get into that setting because you’ve been in it so often that you think rationally in that decision. And so you don’t make stupid
or very rapid fire decisions. It goes more to the front of
the brain which is rational. – That’s interesting. You bring up that point of being ready to go into confrontation. And that’s something that
I think that professionally I am still, I’m beginning
to be uncomfortable. Or I’m beginning to be
comfortable with the level of discomfort that you kinda have to have to go into those
conversations of it’s okay for there to be a level of friction with a client or with people
you’re collaborating with or whatever. That doesn’t mean that neither
of you like don’t respect each other or anything like that. It just means that there’s friction. That’s it. You know? And it’s through, it’s often
times because of the friction and the confrontation that
you actually do communicate effectively in what
you’re trying to get done. Right? So you both understand what
the other one’s coming from. And that’s how, that’s
where the beginnings of the compromise begin to happen. And so that’s something that I’m constantly trying to just keep in mind. Just because you’re having
not everyone has to like you that you’re working with they
just all have to respect you. That’s it. You know? And that’s, if you, it’s like
when you finally internalize that that shifts how you
just go into any conversation with people at least in
the professional realm. I don’t know if that really translates to a personal relationship
because your spouse should like you I think? (laughs) But at the same time there
does have to be, at times, a certain level of friction
so you can finally both see, like that’s actually a good point. There’s been so many times
where I’ve been upset with you and it’s taken to
the point of me having a very outright burst of anger to you.
– Visceral reaction to it right. – For you to finally be
the, for you to finally be sensitive enough to
understand that it really does bother me. And then what is my
response usually back is why did I have to get this
angry for you to respond though. Or for you to not do that anymore? For you to shift or fix it or whatever? But the older I get, now,
the more I’m realizing that’s just the nature of
the human existence though. It has to kind of, things have to kind of get to a frictional spot. I remember for the longest
time we would have arguments and I would not end up
talking to you in person. I think I would usually send you an email. – Yeah you would. – Because I can write an amazing email. I can get my feelings across
in a very poignant way without being disrespectful in an email. But doing that on the cuff,
in person, is very difficult for me and I think for
people in general so. If there’s any tangible
thing, action item, I would say is, know the different avenues that you can communicate
with people you know? You don’t have to say
things to people’s face. If you know the best way you
can be respectful to someone and still contribute and get
to the point of the friction is to send an email then pshh
I’m gonna send you an email. You know? – Yeah. I’d rather have that then not. – Oh than just nothing at all? – Yeah then you’re not
– Just brooding in a corner. – Well then you’re just
not communicating at all. – Ah yeah. – Because there’s such a
long, and maybe that’s just the situation that I’m in
because there’s such a long period of you not talking. And again you retreating
into yourself until you say the email that I’m just
thankful that you are willing to communicate at all I guess. Speak plainly and with purpose and don’t let others give you your voice. Have ownership of it. – Mm. And on that note we’ll see you next week. Bye!

18 thoughts on ““Take back your voice” Communication is our 2019 theme

  1. Another great podcast. I think our generation don’t talk enough about work communication and how in corporate American or upper management communication is delight dance or chess game.

    If you are to firm you come off as rude, but to soft and upper management will run all over you. Learning you voice or dance will make you successful not learning to dance correctly you won’t be successfully, resulting in maybe no movement up in the company.

  2. This conversation speaks to me on so many levels. I Identify with Hallease soooo much here. I also deal with having patience for people to get to where I am and patience and understanding is the only way I know how to deal with that. I also had to learn to put my ego on the back burner. Otherwise, I will drive myself crazy. Great Podcast!! It's nice to know there are people out there going through the same thing.

  3. Oh by the way you should link your patreon 🙂 I hear you hallese so deeply and I SO SEE YOU AND SOOO APPRECIATE YOU. Anyone would be blessed to be your friend and hear you and understand what you are trying to say. Your God is showing basically, and I follow Him as well and he is teaching me from what you are communicating with this podcast and you both are like on some destined stuff and accepting destiny as such a young age is amazing first of all like I see the adulting progression because I see it. Good job… Bravo 🙂

  4. Had to pause to applaud Mr. Hallease for appreciating peanut butter and apple as I sit here eating mine. It’s my fave! 😊

  5. Such a great video! Now I see how communication actually connects with my theme. I want to make sure I'm communicating effectively my values and what I want in my life, especially in my career. I see that as I am making these changes and communicating better things are getting better for me.

  6. Hallease, i am the exact same way when it comes to processing, and I think what helped me was having someone call me out on it from the perspective of how it makes people feel. They just hear the no, or the negative. when you process so quickly, it means needing to explain step by step or through visuals or metaphor which I had to learn to stop being visibly annoyed while it happened. Although, and feel free to shut me down about this if it’s too personal; mine is a facet of my anxiety, I had to reframe my catastrophizing to be productive so I didn’t shut down constantly; is it similar for you? (Or anybody reading this tbh)

  7. I am the spouse who emails when mad or writes an actual letter.

    I have a way with words and when I am mad they can come out like bullets. It's like I am not in control… And words of affirmation is my love language so I know how words in anger can really hurt and you cannot take them back.

    Writing allows me to have that control. Writing is therapy many times I discover the root of my anger as I write. It just becomes clear to me. My spouse is not always the problem… and he knows if I had to write him about it, it was a big deal.

    Mr.Hallease made so many valid points in this episode and I was like wow! He really offloaded. Good for you Mr.Hallease

    P.S: I write when I have almost any deeeeeep stuff going on. When I try to talk, the words just get jumbled up

  8. I think that its because of the female brain versus the male brain not to be fully sexist but i have notice that men tend to focus on the micro they start from the sense of self and women tend to look at the big picture how everyone else moves in a situation and then how to i react in that situation looking at the chess moves ahead / my sister always says you have to mentally quit your job before you physically quit your job

  9. How therapeutic was this episode for you guys? I just loved how transparent you were. Most people are not able to be this publicly vulnerable for strangers. Though I was around way back in the day when you introduced Mr. Hallease the very first time. These podcast have given such insight into who you both are.

  10. I can relate to Mr. Hallease. It's something about people trying to take away your power and/or voice. I am learning to listen to understand as oppose to listening to respond. And learning not to be afraid to speak up if I am not in agreement with authority in a respectful and truthful matter as oppose to in "a matter of fact" manner.

  11. I can relate to Mr. Hallease…not sure if it’s because I’m a nurse. But I’m actually the opposite. I’m naturally a fast talker so when I’m serious I’ll purposely slow down my rate and deepen my time for people to understand I mean business. Also when talking to higher ups sometimes I get frazzled and I talk even faster so I use that technique as well. Most people don’t know when I’m panicking either cos my demeanor is vey chill ) even when a patient is crashing)…. that actually got me into trouble because people perceived it as not “urgent enough” but It actually helps me think more clearly and act in a prompt manner

  12. I love when you two talk about work life balance and your goals. You both are so thoughtful and bring a really interesting and strategic perspective. 🤩👀
    Taking notes over here.

  13. Beleaf would make such a fantastic theme song!!!! I do like the current one already too though. Anyway you guys are both very intelligent and I loved your transparency with this topic. I also like how you each respect each others' thought processes. I feel like you guys could make quite an awesome professional team.

  14. This is great stuff. I like your perspective about friction. It's a good way to look so it. I'll keep that in mind next time.

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