Struggling with Anger Management?! | Friday Q&A [CC]

Hey everyone it’s Katy and welcome back to my channel and welcome back to yet another Friday Q&A this is where I take the questions that you guys have asked me and I answer them in a video. So let’s just dive straight into the questions, the first one that I received was: How did you get involved with working for Chewigem? Seems like a great company to work for. I got involved way way back at the Birmingham autism show where I saw Chewigem pretty much for the first time. I’d heard of Chewigem before but I’d never seen at any of their products in the flesh and I’d never sort of come across like a stand of theirs or like anything like that and I handed over my business card to Jenny who was on the stand and I said, you know if you want to collaborate it’d be really great, you know pop me an email it would be brilliant to work with you and about a week later they got in touch and asked if I would be willing to review their new subscription service for them in a video and I said, yes, absolutely and it kind of just spiraled from there really I started doing monthly unboxings for their subscription service then they started to sponsor them and then they employed me. They wanted to have me working as part of the, the team and start with helping with social media and just kind of keeping up with all of that kind of stuff. So yeah, it was kind of like a strange process really. So I went from being kind of like, you know a collaborator with them or I then became an ambassador and then from the ambassador, I went to being a staff member. I got so many questions about my thumb. I can’t even tell you and for those of you who don’t follow me on Instagram that’s gonna seem really random. So I’ll give you guys a bit of backstory but basically over the last week or so I’ve been really struggling with muscle spasms in my right thumb. I’ll insert a video here, of what it was looking like and it was pretty much constantly like that for about three days. It was waking me up in the night. It was just constant. It was really… not painful but just uncomfortable and bloody annoying so I have a couple of issues with my nerves and spasms across my body but never ones that have been this bad that have lasted this long in my thumb so I wanted to go and get it checked out so I sort of documented the whole story on Instagram, and I said I was going to see my GP and then I never really kind of updated so by the time you’re watching this video hopefully I’ll have some answers but for me filming this I’m about to go and get some blood tests done this week so I haven’t had any answers yet, but we’re just trying to rule out any kind of vitamin deficiency because I’m very… vitamin deficiencies are so common in my life, like literally I’m deficient in everything so we’re trying to rule out that and also checking my thyroid as well. If all of those come back clear, I’m probably gonna get a referral to neurology to get everything checked out but so many of you guys were like, how is your twitching thumb? What’s the status on the thumb? So thank you for caring so much about this little guy. Do you miss your old channel Let’s Talk Tics? No, not really. I’ve got to be honest here. It was a great learning experience for me. It was brilliant to know that I enjoyed YouTube. It definitely helped me you know learn the ropes of YouTube and get to grips with the kind of content that I enjoy filming but as a whole it started off very messily it was really disorganised, it was really just not a professional place and I do like to think of my YouTube channel as being somewhat professional and I try and keep it nice and clean and organized and structured and that just wasn’t at all. And it was getting really frustrating to me that I was just sort of not really having any kind of organisational structure. I’d set it up completely wrong so everything was all like disorganised and yeah I don’t miss it at all and it would just I think feel like the wrong place for me. Did you ever have school dances? If so, did you go to them? I did have dances and yes, I did go to them. My enjoyment of them decreased as I got older, but I think that’s probably the case for most people. My first school dance like properly was back in year six in primary school so I would have been around eleven or so just before I started high school and it was like a big leaving party because all of us were going off to different high schools so we did that in like the local pub. Really weird. The memories that I have from like school dances are always to do with like the outfits that I wore because I never and still don’t now do much socially so when I do go out socially I like to really like make an effort, you know all of my friends would tell you if we’re getting together I’m the one who always makes more of an effort with what I wear because I don’t know I just like feeling like I can dress up and go out even if we’re just like staying in and eating pizza, I will still like, you know I like to feel nice in what I’m wearing when I’m going out socially regardless of what we’re doing. So yeah, I remember sort of paying so much attention to the clothes I was wearing at certain dances, and yeah it was… I remember my sister helping me like choose outfits and stuff. The next like more official school dance that I remember was back in year eight and this was a Valentine’s Day disco, and I would have been around like twelve or thirteen years old and I just remember being so uncomfortable because some of you guys may know I went to an all-girl high school so having a Valentine’s Day disco, you know we were allowed to bring in other people because you wouldn’t really have like a Valentine’s Day disco with just like all the girls who went to the school like we were allowed to invite boys and other people from other schools and I didn’t know anybody from any other schools but I just remember being so uncomfortable around all the boys and people who I didn’t know and it just got – we were like twelve year olds acting like we were eighteen and like it was so cringy. At the end of that one my sister and I got locked in the school. That’s a funny story. They didn’t realise that we were in one of the rooms, they locked that portion at the school and we couldn’t get out and it was absolutely petrifying but we got out in the end it’s all good. And then I just had like my prom and my leavers ball. I say prom like this because we don’t do it anywhere like to the standard of America we’ve just taken that and kind of called it prom when it really isn’t all we do is we have like a sit-down meal in a hotel somewhere and then we have a bit of a disco and the first one which I had was in year eleven, so I would have been around sixteen and at this point I realised that my mental health wasn’t brilliant, but I tried to push through it anyway. And then I got to my year thirteen one which was my leavers’ ball, which it was a little bit more formal, again sit-down meal with bit of a disco afterwards and what I didn’t like about this is that people immediately went out to you know go clubbing because we were all sort of eighteen at that point. I didn’t particularly want to go out so it was pretty like people just went there to meet up and then they went to their clubs or whatever they wanted to do afterwards. So it wasn’t really as special or fun I don’t think. Yeah I was just ready to say bye to everybody because I just wanted to leave so badly my school and my college because I had horrible college experience so I was just ready to like go then. What helps you to focus? Good question. Um, I do a couple of things really to help me focus. The first is I always keep to-do lists in my phone of the things that I want to accomplish that day or need to accomplish that day so I always know where my focus should be and exactly you know what I should be doing, when I should be doing it and prioritising my work from there. So that definitely helps me keep focused with my work and then I just try to find ways of like having time away from everything to kind of focus my thoughts a little bit more so that I’d be like going for a walk or going to Zumba at the moment is like such a therapeutic thing for me because I just literally like shut off and I forget about everything but then I can come back and kind of get ready for the next day and sort of feel a bit more ready to take on the world because I’m not always in this kind of like autopilot of like constantly thinking about things. It’s like it’s nice to go somewhere and just completely switch off and just focus about what’s going on in front of you so yeah, those are sort of the main things that I do to focus. It’s really just sort of like organising my time effectively, making to-do lists and sorting all of that out to prioritise my work but also making sure that I have time away from that so that I can come back to it with a fresh mind. Do you struggle with anger management? If so, how do you deal with this? Good question I thought I’d include this one because it seems to be the case that no one believes me when I say that I do struggle quite badly with anger and knowing how to express anger healthily I yeah, I have quite an issue with anger. I can really get angry quite quickly and quite severely and people don’t tend to believe me when I say that, I don’t know why. Am I giving off this vibe that I never get angry because my lord I do. I always do the very stupid thing of internalising it because I never feel like I can fully express my anger healthily. It’s something that I should probably work on. The other thing that I always feel like I really want to do which again is never healthy don’t do this is I always feel like I want to go on a social media rant whenever I get angry. I’m like, I want to tweet about this and I want to be really passive-aggressive. But I hate that in other people, so I try not to do it in myself because that would be hypocrisy and not being a very nice person. I feel like this is the thing with the human race, you know I do not believe that there is one perfect person out there who is the epitome of “nice”. I don’t believe there is a person out there who hasn’t been angry, who hasn’t held a grudge, who hasn’t judged someone who hasn’t had really awful thoughts who hasn’t you know done something really stupid or acted on an impulse and just gone and done something that they regret, you know there is not one perfect person out there who hasn’t done at least one of these things because we’re humans and we make mistakes and we learn through that and we all have different sides of our personality and I think the important thing is to not try to get rid of these sides because we’re human we’re always going to have these reactions, but I feel like it’s just knowing when those reactions take place what you should do in order to express them in a way that you’re not going to regret the minute you do them. So, or trying to find a way of doing it without causing hurt and harm to other people, you know, it’s just having that personal awareness of how you personally deal with things and not being angry at yourself for the way that you deal with things or upset or ashamed. It’s just knowing that is how you deal with things in the moment and trying to get to the point where you recognise that and even further than that you get to the point where you can kind of change or stop that from happening. I, I try and keep the Buddhist quote in mind. It’s one of my favourite Buddhist quotes ever. I’m not going to be able to say it word for word I don’t think but it goes along the lines of being angry or hateful towards someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. It’s essentially, you know eating yourself up at no kind of impact on the other person. Like what is the point of it, essentially. Final question for today because the sun has decided to disappear. Where the hell did that go? Anyway, final question is: Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have the disability that you have? Good question, I personally try not to do this because I feel like it would be a one-way road to feeling shit about myself. I would much rather put effort and time and thoughts into learning to live with my disability and accept it as opposed to dwelling on life without a disability. You know, we’re human like I said in the last question I still have these thoughts I’m not sitting here saying that I don’t experience this because my lord I do I just try not to dwell on those thoughts I try to just let them drop out of my head. In many respects I find it quite difficult to picture what life would be like without having autism because I’ve always had it. So yes, there was a time that I didn’t know I had it but I still had struggles, I still have always been experiencing traits, so I’ve been aware of that from a young age. I just didn’t have a name for it. So I can’t really picture what life would be like because I don’t really know any different. The thing that I find really difficult is anxiety because I knew a life and a time without anxiety and then it hit me and now it feels like I can’t go back and that’s not really the same as picturing what life would be like without a disability because I know what life was like without that disability you know, I I can see it I can taste it I can like you know almost touch it and that’s what I find the hardest and on that really cheery note I hope you guys enjoyed this Q&A. Let me know by giving it a big thumbs up. Thank you so much for all of your questions as always keep them coming in the comment section or anywhere on social media just keep them coming so that I can continue to do these Q&A’s every single Friday and just keep pounding them out so keep those questions coming. I hope you had a really really good day and I will see you soon. Bye guys!

28 thoughts on “Struggling with Anger Management?! | Friday Q&A [CC]

  1. I've had stuff like that with my thumb before! Like you said, they only lasted a day at a time, but they're so intermittent that I haven't been worried by them. Maybe they were just manifestations of suppressed emotions or exhaustion, like some of my more prevalent tics or random bodily movements. In any case, I hope that you have an answer now!

  2. Omg I’m the same with social events! I always pay so much attention to what I wear when I go out with my friends.

  3. Can totally relate to the anger management thing. I internalise my anger a lot too, and it is really not healthy and usually does not turn out well. Last time I was really angry, I crashed my car, so… yeah, need to work on that (no one was hurt, i am fine, my car is not lol)

  4. 2 part question: what is the longest "down" period you have experienced and how did you deal with the boredom of just struggling to do anything?

  5. Would it be possible to have the questions asked in the video descriptions with time codes, some people might want to skip some questions and find specific ones

  6. Surprisingly I've not had anger management issues, but then I I did train in Ju Jitsu for 12 years whilst I was growing up, so I never really didn't have a space to blow off some steam.

  7. The magic of being on camera. You probably don't film when you're angry, low on energy, or having a bad day. People only see you at you're best. Therefore, if we don't see you angry then its impossible for you to have anger issues and be human rolls eyes

  8. You seem to have figured out lots of ways of coping and being successful. Did you do research or just figuring things out on your own?

  9. Have you ever felt suicidal because of fibromyalgia or psychiatric illness? I've lived in the big research hospital in the U.S. and still struggle. I've had trouble with having my mother understand that this something I truly have only minimal control over. I feel like time is passing me by despite my best efforts to cope. I was just curious if you've ever felt a similar desperation. Thanks, I love your channel!

  10. I struggle with anger mangement myself. I can't seem to regulate it. I let it build up and then i explode and i don't know how to change that.

  11. Great video! Thank you! Can you explain why you have anxiety now but not before and why you think this changed happened? The same thing has happened to me and I am not doing too well at the moment. It seems like since I got my diagnosis about 8 months ago my anxiety has gone up a lot. I wonder if this has been the case with you or any other people… or if the increase of anxiety has been due to other factors.

  12. I have thought many times «what if I didn’t have adhd and anxiety… (possibly autism, figuring it out)» but eventually just figured that the question was kind of silly, because if I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t be *me*. The hard times have been really difficult to get through but the things I have learned about myself and just… life… I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’ve learned to appriciate the good and deal with the bad and to be fair, to imagine a life without is kind of scary now. Sure, I got almost 10 years delayed with my education, but I also met my wonderful wife. Same with many other things. My experiences are what makes me *me*. A me without having gone through all that… would I really be happy? Would I appriciate the things I would have gotten? On bad days I want to crawl under my blankets and never come out, but on good days… I’m genuinley happy, grateful and proud. It’s been a journey (still is) but it’s worth it.

  13. I know I have issues with anger management – I'm on medical leave from my job because my upsets at getting bad code reviews were just getting to be too much, and now that I'm at home a lot, there are conflicts at home, and it's leading to me having meltdowns, which my family just cannot tolerate, but I feel so powerless to prevent. 🙁

  14. Katy,
    Here's a question: what are your values and what do you value in others and self? Why do you value that? I guess those are some deep questions but I'm curious.

  15. A question of curiosity: being a young woman with aspergers like me, I was wondering weather or not you have Aphantasia? Or in other words can you picture things in your mind and see them in bold bright colours? . For me I’ve never had a dream or been able to close my eyes and picture something in full detail / colour.

  16. I was actually at the same talk as you at the last autism show in 2018, I hadn’t found out about your channel yet but after you mentioned it it checked it out at the hotel later that night. I have to say I’m glad I found out about you, I think you are really honest and open about autism which is just what stereotypical people need to understand what it’s like.

  17. What are your views on assistance dogs for mental health/autism? would you have one if the opportunity would arise? 🐕🐾

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