I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
You can’t move. It feels like your brain is going to blow out of your head. You
can’t see straight, everything’s blurry. The pain would be just excruciating, no
matter what I took, no matter how much I slept no, matter what I ate, no matter
what I did. Even though I might outwardly look like I’m fine, nothing that is
normally me really holds anymore. I can’t function as the person that people
understand me to be. It is absolutely not just a headache. It becomes part of your
life that you just have to learn how to move with. I’ve had an attack almost
every single day for 15 years. I had to quit working. I had to move back close
for a family. You feel a sense of shame. You feel like I can’t live up to the
expectations. This photo was taken on the trip to
France that I took. his picture is of my husband very near the top of Pedra da Gávea and I’m sitting really far below. I think of myself in the photo and I’m able to climb to top and not have a worry all about whether or not I can make it.
This photo is of my husband and my daughter. Everything about this picture
is life. In an ideal world, I’m not taking this picture, I’m in it. This picture means
to me that I’m not my pain. That’s why I am thankful for the things in my life
that I have. Sorry. I did not expect to be so emotional. I just think it represents me
when I was not pretending that I was okay when I’m not. In my life without my
agreeing just every photo of me where I’m smiling would be a real smile. Chronic pain totally warps your mental
health and warps how you feel about yourself. You’re stuck hiding in a dark
room under your covers on a beautiful day you cannot help but feel it alone.
It’s really nice to be able to say is anybody else dealing with this today. I
really don’t know how I’d still be here without a community. I’ve really come to
realize that I’m stronger than I thought. I’m capable of like climbing
metaphorical mountains. Look at what I have done. I mean I moved a couple states
away. I’m going to college all on my own I never knew how strong I was we’re
warriors and we can do this.