85 thoughts on “LEARNING TO TRUST PEOPLE AGAIN/WHEN ALL WE KNOW IS LIVING IN SURVIVAL

  1. I still have trouble trusting people everyone eventually turns against me 😞. How do I get my trust back and stop being traumatized ?

  2. Your absolutely spot on here. My body is exhausted from this constant internal battle I can literally feel my organs sending me warning signs everyday but I just can't relax and feel good about myself. Thanks Lisa 😊

  3. Lisa, thank you very much. For uploading this great knowledgeable video. You are really helping me out a lot .

  4. Thank you. I really needed to hear this today, Lisa. I went to my therapist today, and felt like I lost my voice, metaphorically, and so many of the things you brought up in this video were things I wish I said, but didn't… In fact, in so many times, the trauma comes up, I bury it up again. Trauma comes up (i.e. I connect dots, see the trauma for what it is), I disassociate again (too painful). In that disassociative mode, I lose my voice. I guess there's progress in that I'm seeing the pattern. Thank you, again.

  5. "feeling like prey" That was me. It was totally unconscious or subconscious. I believed I was prey on a subconscious level because my father was a predator, so I was attracting predators. Unbelievable. I have done a lot of reprogramming on this, and now I'm predator free. Thank you so much for your videos. I really appreciate it. Also, I wanted to tell you how well you explain all of this. You make it all really clear and very understandable.

  6. Thanks for the reminder to be non-reactive… this alone can shift things radically! Love ya, Lisa!

  7. Congratulations Todd🏆! You made it. Thank you very much for sharing your experience, it gives hope to many of us who are still on a dark moment but seeing a light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Lisa’s love and hard work.

  8. I often have said to my therapists that I feel like a small mosquito, and can’t take that feeling out of my system.
    This Lisa makes so much sense. 🌈

  9. First thanks for this amzazing video again! i am now one and a half year narc. free, but im so damage by him, he knew excacly know who to press my wound buttons, it was hell, now im staring to go out in the word again and making new friends but im so one my gard! im also scared in traffic one my bike, never had that bevore i met him, and i come from a abused childhoud bigtime, and he knew that but he took adventence of that, now in starting to be myself again, still having difficulties how to dress ,letting my hair grow long again because he did not like my hair long, he did not like the way i walk to way i was talking etc,

  10. I just don’t think its wise to fully trust people. You can still go out in the world & interact but not fully let your guard down. I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing to do. There are too many people who will gladly take advantage of a chance to get the knife in if you let your guard down completely. No point making it too easy for them.

  11. @Lisa A. Romano what about those of us who are too trusting of others to the demise of our own self? P.s. sorry if this is too personal a question but i believe you mentioned it in your "On The Way Back To Me" book that you wrote (and i read a few months ago) at what age you were traumatized again?

  12. Lisa A. Romano you always speak on beneficial, great topics. P.s. it depends on the person who is leaving you out cause lots do it intentionally aka malicious. Criticism tends to be hurtful to pretty much everyone and lots of people who give "constructive" criticism are very vindictive and underhanded. P.s. i have a ""cousin" who was putting me down cause she has a ""perfect" life but the only thing she really has that i do Not is a car. I guess i should feel really really poor and bad and horrible. She even called me a waste youth.

  13. I am healing, thanks to you Lisa. I’m tired of talking about the people that damaged me. I am so glad to have someone talk about me, my inner child, and what to do to be strong. I can actually see that people are already reacting differently to me. It’s like strangers just seem to want to talk or say hi. When before I was so afraid to put my head up people didn’t want to approach me. Thanks Lisa Loo!! 💕

  14. God knew exactly what I needed to hear today and delivered it to me through you! I’m so grateful for you 🙏

  15. I don't compare myself to others, but I am affected by how others treat me especially if I have gone above and beyond expectations to help others and then get kicked to the curb. I am almost 61 years old and have been recently devastated by how my biological family has treated me. I know I can never reason with them because it's too important for them to save face, so it's easier for them to make me the bad guy, despite what I have done, which I can't emphasize enough, was a huge contribution to saving people from losing their home. That results in a large inheritance for these people which would not have happened had I not stepped in to help. The thanks I got was to be treated like a criminal and a liar and a betrayer, when in fact that's what they have done to me. They decided to operate by their rules once all the bills were paid. HOW does someone my age get over something like this and live out the rest of my days at peace? I am a very competent vocalist, but my world has been shattered by the actions of what I believe are covert, passive aggressive narcissists.

  16. thank you!! I don't trust anymore, I know there are still good folks! For now I only trust the woofers.

  17. Lisa, I want to Express to you that your videos have catapulted me into healing from my childhood trauma. Its been a rough road this last 3 years. From discovering my mother's narcissistic dysfunction to finding out I'm codependent. My moms death came in the right time. Now I can get on with healing this. What a vampire she was.
    I'm in therapy with a life coach finally working on those deep wounds of childhood and finding your videos was the start. It's not easy. I'm a very reactive person and I've really gotta work on that.
    Thank you so much for these realizations. You know many of us went to conventional therapy and they just disnt get trauma. What a shame it is. I'm over it, but wow, years and years of chasing this trauma ghost and you have in a fraction of time helped me look at myself. 🤘

  18. I recommend researching avoidant personality disorder(AVPD). It's claimed to affect about 2% of the population, but it basically describes this video. AVPD is said to be caused by heredity or by environmental upbringings. When people say that they're suffering from cptsd, it might be avoidant personality disorder instead. But, do your own research because I'm no doctor of any sort.

  19. I have a hard time trusting..been married to a narc for 35 years…its hard and its effected my health…💔
    Thank you for your help videos you nailed it today..💜

  20. I left an extremely abusive "man" in 2016. He's still haunting me. He's moved back round the corner from me. He messaged yesterday with a "Yo I'm in your hood I better not catch you outside lol"
    I instantly felt a cold chill over me, my mind scattered & I started shaking. A few minutes later my parrot chirped & I flinched! (This guy used to slap me about all day😥.) Is this CPTSD? (Ik enough to know it comes from operant conditioning) How do I heal from the effect this monster still has on me? I daren't block him, at least this way Ik how close the shark is..

  21. Hey Lisa, Mary j blige always came out with a song for me and this brand new song just came out. I love this. Thriving
    https://youtu.be/98YJEr9NaXc

  22. Lisa you have been that rock on my journey of healing. Thank you for putting yourself so selflessly out there to help so many! Todd’s healing AURA was illuminating at the end of this vid as he was speaking! It was beautiful!! ✨🌈♥️

  23. My husband threatens me with a knife twice. Physically hit me once. 4 years of marriage. He is alcoholic. Really kind hearted towards animals and people who are less fortunate and generally. I am on the verge of leaving. The society and peer pressure is confusing me. Should I stay or leave? Pls help if you have some time to comment. I think I am codependent. I feel bad for him.

  24. Hi Lisa thank you for all your vidoes, could you please do a video on discarding the child or children as well as me I understand why me but can't get my head around his son. Many thanks Lynn Denver from northern Ireland x

  25. Thank you so much for this video. It has helped me understand my bride and some of the factors that are tricking her to act the way she does. So how does someone who's currently married to someone who is a trauma Survivor support them and avoid stepping into all the landmines and triggers and deal with that Brokenness until they are in a healthier place? And at what point does this coping defense mechanism become narcissism and is there a way to address that as another layer a behavior for a trauma Survivor, or is it the same thing that has happened as a result of the trauma? Will stay tuned.

  26. @Lisa: I need some help integrating two different strategies from your videos. In this video you say that we as trauma-survivors we need to practice non-reactivity due to our high autonomous arousal and a permanent fight-mode (which I can totally relate to). In your video "Codependents Live In A State of Reactivity Due To Narcissistic Abuse
    " you say the most important thing for a co-dependent is to ask ourselves "how do I feel about XY" and then do something about it. But how do I know if what I feel is MY OWN personal feeling to act in accordance or if my feeling is a result of my programming so that I better not react. How do I differentiate between my own true personal feelings and anything else? Lots of love and gratitude!

  27. Thank you for all you don you helped me soooo much the last two years. Thank you for your courage and love

  28. The day that my narcissistic husband ironically accused me of having "trust issues" because I wasn't going along with something he wanted was a turning point for me. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Your damn right I have trust issues!" and I stood my ground.I instantly recognized that A: He was right. B: I had every reason not to trust him because, C:  He had betrayed my trust in ways that had totally destroyed what little trust I had and that D: He was hoping I would go along with what he had planned in order to prove that I did not have trust issues, but instead I finally saw the light and knew at that moment that E: the only person I need to prove myself to is myself! I no longer care what he thinks of me and no longer hand him the keys to my self esteem.Watching videos like this one and many others is what helped me to see things clearly, finally after over 45 years of a very painful roller coaster ride. Thank you, Lisa!

  29. Damn! Yeah, I have always had my walls up since 12/13. Got my first boyfriend at 18 and was so desperate to feel love because my mom didn't love me. He treated my like my mother and since then I don't do relationship, I'm always one foot in one foot out with my eyes on the door. I did meet a guy I lowered my walls for and guess what? He shit all over me. I want to connect but I don't really know how. I want a bf but I don't. I don't trust my gut when it comes to letting my walls down. It's always been wrong the few times I was willing to with a guy. I'm trying but I think I will always be somewhat disconnected. Oh and I have codependent tendencies, scares me also.

  30. I have found that rather then mistrusting people I try to not attach to them anymore. I try to not invest in any outcome. And that way I do not get hurt because there was no expectation. Sometimes its hard to do. But it can also open up other doors which makes for a better life.
    Someone promises me something? Its great if they do what they promise. But if they don't I am emotionaly ok too cause I don't expect anything. I will however keep that in mind for another promise. But it does not affect me on a personal level anymore.
    And in that same way I try to make as little promises as I can to others. If I do I will be damned sure I can fulfill it! Otherwise, nope. Cause I was beating myself up about it if I could not. So no expectations from myself to go beyond if I am not absolutely sure I can.
    This way my distrust of people is slowly getting less and less. Cause there is no disapointment anymore. I don't get hurt every time someone says something and I "believe" they will or are what they say. I let their actions speak for them not their words.

  31. Lisa, a year-and-a-half ago I had a volcanic awakening from a life-time of being codependent. YOU! Your videos kept me from slipping into oblivion. Too, you led me to Ross Rosenberg, which led me to others on youtube but I'm selective about who I listen to . . . because . . . of the Truth you share that leads me to a Higher Understanding of who I AM. You are my cornerstone. Thank You. Oh! I also want to share that about a month ago I began researching and then implementing a wellness approach to my life concerning adrenal fatigue. Body, Mind, and Spirit. I'm slowly pulling them altogether and cannot verbally express the balance I'm beginning to feel. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

  32. Lisa, Thank you so much for all your work. 28 years ago I had what I call a miracle, when at my bottom I looked up in the sky and was convinced that everything in my life along with the booze and drugs had to change. By another miracle friends randomly reached out to me and by the end of the day I met my AA sponsor. On that day and for years following as my wreckage had to be dealt with and new everything had to be learned, I had hope and trust that no matter what happened, I would be better. Getting divorced, losing custody of my kids, getting fired, moving across country and many other challenges happened and I just knew I was on the right path. I hope that those that struggle with hope and trust, the belief in trust, find a way to trust. Lisa, your work is so instrumental in that effort, as you boil down to the raw emotions and explanations of what happened to us. My first sponsor told me on day 2 to shut my mouth and open my ears if I wanted to get better. I was so desperate I did it and I hope that those who think "this is not about me" with your work, that you just open the doors, open the windows and open your ears. Just listen and trust.

  33. Funny thing about experience, you can't unlearn it. Trust is a luxury I cannot afford anymore, just like I cannot change the past.

  34. Just want to fix ur bangs girl, lol. Probably has to do with the perfectionism that I’ve felt as a standard, till lately. Between you, Joe Dispenza and Bruce Lipton primarily, have freed me from trauma wounds. I can now wake up and decide. Create my day, have the emotion(s) I want that serve me. Thank you dear one💞 You are one of the best!

  35. i was in and out of care since i was 1 then adopted at 4 due to my alcoholic mother. this is where my codep came from. took me years to realize this. im totally reactive to every trigger. need to learn shutty shutty. thanks lisa

  36. Before I watch living in fear, which I've been suffering from as the results of different, yet, associated experiences, please answer…I knew not to take her in from many opinions, etc. After 3 I've changed calls, I did
    I was moving then
    For a very long time my gut told me what I now know…for sale of brevity, HOW DO I GET RID OF THE TRASH MOUTH, DO NOTHING ABUSER?

  37. She just TOLD ME, not said, asked, told me, that's what you have been doing. I need help again. Ill try googling YOU

  38. We don’t need testimonials!!!! also, your teaching is heavily geared in alcoholic people and it’s tiring because it minimizes experiences of the rest of us. lay off alcoholism for a while and address other issues. This is soooo tiring.

  39. i trust myself now and that goes a long way with who i allow in my life, and how much i allow them to take up my time

  40. Disassociation and reactivity, spot on Lisa! I escaped a narcissistic husband and now see my life long pattern with such individuals. I cut them all out of my life and am working on healing now. Thanks so much for your insightful, encouraging videos.♡♡♡

  41. Great info..LOVE your msg.. I feel your guidance through your experience and how you articulate it is so unbelievably helpful and amazing love your Channel you are really helping a lot of women I'm sure you know that though LOL

  42. At the end of the day at 62 years old,,,
    Never have ever been able to digest the lying!
    Can't digest it it just is so distractive lying is so distractive and the ones who lie like that they don't care they don't care I have a niece right now she's in bad shape it's horrible

  43. Unprocessed strong emotions from the past coming up… For me Pete Walker's book really helped (besides Lisa's videos). The really tricky part of processing when the emotions come up, is that they may come up in situations, when it is not ok to process – most people don't get it, so its not really socially ok to just start crying or yelling somewhere. A few years ago, when my post-traumatic emotions started to manifest, I thought it was burn-out, so I reduced my hours at work and for two days a week I was mostly at home reading books by psychologists and watching youtube videos like this one, besides going to therapy. The books and the videos help trigger my past strong unprocessed emotions, sometimes I yell when its anger (no one can hear me, when I'm home alone), sometimes I journal and in the end I end up crying (sometimes really hard and for some minutes). That is really cathartic. A really active full life with a full time job and many responsibilities on the side can be a barrier to healing. Setting time aside to process old emotions is really important. Oh, and watching MASH actually helped me process old emotions and grieve… my father is a narcissist…. watching Hokey Pierce and B.J. be kind to children and traumatized adults helped me grieve the losses of my life (grieve what I never had and never will have from my father and brother). On the days that I actually process something well and cry, I sleep so much better.

  44. I have trusted and tried to many times .I now need to shut the door and not engage . I'm missing a part of my heart feeling. But I can hold onto the love that's forever in my heart.That will never change.

  45. Lisa you are my therapist now. i am 61, and have been working on all that you share here. even studying the brain. that is something i love and has helped me understand. i have never met anyone or read anything from another individual who understands the whole of my struggle, validates it, speaks about it truthfully and offers help in dealing and overcoming. i am going through every one of these videos and getting stronger. have studied wayne dyer, louise hay, and they have helped me so much.
    having your sweet personality on these videos confirming what i know and live and am working on it is priceless. thank you so very much. love you

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