Iyanla Shuts Down a Woman Who Can’t Keep Her Aggression in Check | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

Now, I get that. I get the whole don’t fight
in front of your kids thing. I pushed her. I slugged her this way,
I slugged her this way, and I put her in a headlock. Because if I had hit her, I
would have hurt my sister. Do you understand
what I’m saying? So my kids did see me throw her
from this room, to this room, to this room. And finally, I’m tired. I’m too old to be slinging you
across here and over there, and I’m giving out of breath. And she said to
me, in a headlock, our relationship will
never be the same. I said, you’re absolutely right. Let me just say this
to you, Miss Nicole. I don’t do violence. I don’t do violence among women. I don’t do violence. Because I stood up? That was all? You’re unsafe. You are not a safe person. I’m aggressive,
period, and I know that. – But it’s not working.
– I speak aggressive– – It’s not working.
– –and I know that. And if you’re not willing
to change, I can’t help you. I can’t. I can’t keep engaging in this. You’re going to let me help
you learn how to listen, you’re going to change
your point of view, or I’m gonna call your car. I can’t do it. [INTENSE MUSIC] You are responsible
for your triggers. You have to unplug them. Miss Nicole, I don’t know
you from a can of paint, and this is what I’m
going to tell you. You may love your children
with every fiber of your being, but there’s no way, with that
level of violence in your body, that you are a good mom. There’s no way. It don’t mean you don’t
feed them, and clothe them, and take care of them. But there’s a distinction
between providing for the child and raising a child. [EMOTIONAL MUSIC] You’re right.

100 thoughts on “Iyanla Shuts Down a Woman Who Can’t Keep Her Aggression in Check | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

  1. Stop trying 2 change ppl…we as ppl have been thought alot…and its so hard for us 2 change over night……period…

  2. They're not taking what was done to her into consideration …. while her sisters know how to provoke and make them selves victims. …

  3. Why are you slinging your sister around at all? Who puts anybody in a headlock let alone your own sister, & to do it in front of your children is bad parenting. What kund of example are you setting for your kids. This foolishness has to stop. Deal with that anger issue you have.smh

  4. If these are the type of mothers we have to choose from how do we expect to have a whole man to marry from hurting mothers?

  5. She needed to hear that. “You may love your child, you may feed your child, but there is no way with that level of aggression that you are a good mother.”

  6. Go on sis love the truth she pulls out of her guests praise god for this lady so wise thank u ❤️❤️❤️Tess x

  7. Bro, you just admitted to slinging a woman across a room and putting her in a headlock but you don't understand how that's violent?

  8. This is so me. I am a violet person who is always ready to fight and hurt someone. Can’t say where it triggered but everyday I try to steer away from that woman because I know I can be better

  9. Makes me glad I never had kids, would rather be dead than inflict any of my anger and rage on a child, like my father did to me and my siblings!

  10. It takes 2 to tango.You can't expect Nicole to always be calm and fair minded when no other family member is interested in trying. She's been going through unwarranted stress for more than 20 years now、and the lie detector proves she's been right all along. Sure、violence is bad、but are you bad because you've been violent with your siblings once? Let's give Nicole some understanding (dammit)

  11. There's so many black women out there just like the woman in the video that have so much anger and rage inside them. My mom is kinda the same way she's more calm now but she still has a short fuse. But back in the day and years ago her anger was insane and scary to see I have no idea where it comes from but its not healthy and it just stresses you out mentally emotionally and physically!!!

  12. Iyanla is an amazing person who can hit people in the heart but do it in a manner where it's for a better them.

  13. Yes iyanla tell her and say it loud enough for everyone else in the background to hear. There is a distinction between providing for a child and raising and loving the child. 👏👏👏👏

  14. So REAL. Many times people make excuses for their aggressiveness, so they won't change or aren't willing to change that behavior. I refuse to have aggressive energy in my life. I dealt with it too much with my sister when I was growing up. Iyanla is certainly the one who can help her ❤

  15. Daammnnnn she emotionally punched her in the gut. Protecting your babies goes FAR beyond what any fists can ever do. My babies have no idea how much I fight for them, cause it's all done with dignity. I heard the stories of what my mother did to protect me, once I was of age… and I plan to do the same with my kids.

  16. Oprah is really going down to the trash of her culture. Is it how she stays popular ? let the garbage go ……..and eliminate itself. They can do that on their OWN without anyone's help.

  17. You can not tell her what she is not! She fights out of fear and she feels she has no security within her self! Being that way is a defense mechanism that gives her control over the situation and gives here importance and significance! We all have this defense mechanism! But it varies in degree and avenues! But hurting her by telling her that she isn’t a good mother, scolding and threatening her is not the way to go. The only thing she needs is her perception and beliefs about WHATEVER happened in her life that made her believe she must Act a certain way to feel safe, heard, significant, etc. or whatever, needs to be changed. She is a very good mother and she loves her family very much, it’s the pain and suffering that is going on in the inside of her is due to what she believes and the story she has told herself that has caused her to develop defense mechanisms to deal with those beliefs! But she has the power within to change the story of her life! She has the power to change the beliefs that she has told herself all these years! We have the power to CHANGE what we believe! Her awakening will be life changing and she will want to help others, because she is suffering.

  18. I’m glad she was willing to listen. That was a start. Cause a true disrespectful person would’ve kept arguing with Iyanla and disagreeing. Hope she gets the help she needs

  19. Iyanla is a realest! She said ain't no way you're a good mom. You can feed em n clothe em but hunny YOU AIN'T IT. She humbly had no choice but to say you're right. We must humble ourselves and learn to take constructive criticism about our behaviors in this world. If not, self destruction will be your FIRST NAME

  20. Did she try to impress with physical violencd skill??? She is embarrassed herself by saying that out loud. Providing and raising a child are two different things!!! She can NOT be a great mother with amount of violence in her. She remind me someone that I hate. She's got demon, must take accountability for what she has done and going on therapy. Look like it will take us as rs to heal.

  21. Why do they allow her to push them around? If they’d beat her azz years ago, she wouldn’t keep beating on them. I bet you she doesn’t beat pro in the streets like that.

  22. Good for her. She reflected, allowed herself to be vulnerable and said, “you’re right”. Huge steps in the right direction.

  23. This made me emotional, cause you can see at the end it hit her 😢 we all want to be the best parent and versions of ourselves for our babies & us

  24. As a black woman I ask. Where is all this agression in so many black women coming from?
    Please can someone tell me. I know we all get angry but so many women engage in physical fighting.

  25. So cool to see Iyanla not get caught up in that mess. She shut it all the way down.

    Ladies, being a DRAMATIC PRIMA DONNA doesn't make you look good.
    It makes you look stupid, immature, and weak.
    Get it together!!!!!

  26. I’m gone have to disagree! Now before I disagree let me say this everybody’s mentality is different and some don’t handle things the same as others! But, I have to disagree! We can not put all the blame on the mom! We don’t know what the mother been through herself! She could’ve experienced postpartum depression when you was pregnant and or she could’ve been born with mental illness! My sisters and I went through something similar but worse! We understand I mother went through things as well that left her scarred! Even though you start off with these feelings of hatred, insecurity and just pure negative energy when you’re young, you grow up and you learn what’s right and what’s wrong! I’m not going get deep into my story . For one it’s long, depressing, disgusting and not worth reliving those nightmares! But we can’t keep blaming our behaviors on our parents especially when we reach maturity and understands! Their actions may effect us but it’s up to us to decide if we let it effect us in a negative way or in a positive way!

  27. The difference between how ppl act to family and strangers:
    Her sister confronts her about violence against them. Her: more violence and defensiveness.
    Iyanla: you're not a good mom. Her: you're right.

  28. I thought Nichol was going yo explode when she hurt you cant be a good mum, but she didn't. She's angry and aggressive, but she knows she needs help.

  29. Lawd, I can only imagine the kind of damage her aggression has done to her kids. I am NEVER around negative people long enough to get into a verbal or physical fights. Waste of time and oxygen.

  30. “There’s no way that with all that anger in your body, that you are a good mom… There’s a difference between providing for a child and raising a child!”


  31. Yes Iyanla! I can relate my big sister is the same violent out of control with kids and it scare. This made me tear 😔😔💙💙

  32. That sister has some deep issues. She needs jesus not Mrs Vanzant. I feel sorry for her kids. She probably hits them, like there adults. I'm sure they are afraid of her. She's violent. I was afraid just watching her on tv.

  33. 🗣Know your Triggers! Learn healthy ways to deal with them besides always resorting to violence BLACK WOMEN! 👏👏👏👏 She there is no way you can be a great parent with that level of violence🙌🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏👏 🚨🧐I sense that she just spoke to the majority of the comment section🤦‍♀️🙌👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

  34. This is the episode where the mom lies to her daughters about their dad molesting them 😰😰😰 the mom ought to be ASHAMED!!

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