How To Stop Being Irritable
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I’m so irritated. How can I stop being so
irritable? Well, let’s get into that today. The very most important place to start
with this is perspective. Big surprise, right? Perspective is everything and it’s
all that we have. How to stop being irritable when we feel irritable? Where
is our focus? Think about that for a moment. When I’m feeling irritable, my
focus is on something or someone outside of me, it’s like.. So as long as we’re
identifying the problem to be over there, outside of ourselves, that’s the problem.
That perspective will change everything. There’s an acronym that I can use to
help capture what we can do about this irritability so it starts with F. F
stands for frustration. When we feel frustration, it’s the first indicator
feeling that we’re going to need if we want to get on top of this irritability.
The next one A. A stands for anger. Frustration, anger, R. R stands for
resentment. Frustration, anger and resentment our indicator feelings. Now
you can see it spells the word far in fact, back in graduate school, we talked
about the far out model which means that you’re out of control, right? Frustration,
anger and resentment are all really valuable indicator feelings but they’re
misleading because when we feel any of these three, our natural conclusion might
be that someone or something else needs to change, something outside of me
causing me to feel all of these things so the timeout that we can take, let’s
put a T in here for timeout.. My wife tells me I need a different acronym but
I think it’s working because what if you’re just an irritable fart? Well let’s
use that to our advantage. When you feel frustration, anger and resentment, that is
an indicator that you need a timeout which is going to help you reframe your
perspective so I call this the fart factor. Maybe we should put up a parental
advisory right here, right, oh, how shocking but it’ll help you to remember
it, frustration, anger and resentment are going to lead you to take a little
timeout, get refocused right here because that’s where your power and control will
be as long as you’re waiting for someone or something else to change this for you,
that could be a long wait and it’s actually part of the victim mentality.
I know I’ve shared with you in other videos that I used to do child custody
evaluations for the court. Yuck work, right? And I had bitter angry divorcing
people coming into my office, fighting over their children and it’s my job to
step in and see if I can help them to sort that out to make some
recommendations to the court. Well as these guys are bitterly angrily fighting
with each other, guess who they’re blaming for all of
their frustration anger and resentment? You’re right, each other. Let me ask you a
question about that, how soon? Is the ex going to make everything okay? Do you see
the trap? That victim mindset has this getting stuck in a place that we don’t
even want to be and we’re waiting for someone else to change
that for us, to make it all okay. If you can see it in the custody example that I
just shared with you, let’s take that same principle and apply it to whatever
it is that is triggering your irritability and and without getting too
distracted that it’s about someone or something else. We’ll go to the fart
factor where frustration, anger and resentment lead us right into that
timeout, pause and I would recommend at this point that you do a little
breathing, okay. Just the slow intentional focused
breathing. Why? So that we can get your brain chemistry reversed so that we can
get your brain working for you instead of against you. We get out of that
fight-or-flight response which allows our thinker, the cognitive part of our
brain to kick in and start doing some problem-solving and to see our own part
of it because that’s where we have some kind of control. Can we get past this
irritability that we’re feeling? Yeah and the first step is that perspective, we’ve
got to get out of blaming someone or something else for how we feel. Follow
the fart factor, take the time out, breathe, get yourself calm down and then
let’s do some really good thinking about this. Okay, so let’s quit farting around.
The fart factor will help us to stop being so irritable.
Hope you enjoyed this one.

27 thoughts on “How To Stop Being Irritable

  1. hey doc. hope you are doing good . great video again . btw is there a video helping being positive in your collection 🙂

  2. Have you had kids as patients? I ask cause I have an autistic 13 year old and she seems to always be in a bad mood. Can you help?

  3. Another excellent video. It's common sense, but hearing it from another reliable source always helps the message get through. Thank you.

  4. FART FACTOR ~ LOLOL!! – i guess you're in a mental fart slup whenever you're the victim… these things have helped me in the past: take responsibility for your part, don't feel sorry for yourself, care – give a crap (lots of anal refrences here lolol), just start and take care of what you're capable of doing… inch by inch… oh! and be intentional – on purpose try to be positive/empathetic… it becomes a habit eventually. <3 your content! so glad i found your channel! you helped me out of an anxiety attack this morning – changed the direction of my day. thank you!!!
    🙂 🙂 🙂 Cint

  5. (Cue close up)
    "Do you see the trap?"
    😂 4:05
    His expressions and the video editing make these videos so much fun to watch besides all the great advice.

  6. I think sometimes I get very irritable, so this video is perfect for me. And the closing tag 'stop farting around' is just so… realistic! Whenever I get irritated –I can see now– I am "farting around"! What a nasty behavior. Thank you Doctor!

  7. I am so glad to see this video. I was feeling resentful after a disagreement with a good friend. I went outside to cool off. When I came back, I watched the video. I laughed when you said the acronym. Im going to practice using it when I get mad so I can laugh instead!
    Im watching your videos to learn to communicate less aggressively. I want to change my confrontational communication behavior. It's pushed a lot of friends away. I want to have better relationships.

  8. the time out thing doesn't seem to work for me. I could be completely alone and still get irritated at myself or situations in my life. what am I supposed to do about that, cease to be? everything and everyone pisses me off all the time. plz help.

  9. This video has helped me to understand how I get in one of those moods. I asked my wife to make a call for me on her phone, because my phone was having problems. I thought she would, but she only asked me to put in the number in her phone. Then, didn’t do it and then said for me to call after I waited for her. This irritated me even more. I should taken a time out, and relaxed. But, I was crabby at her. I hated that I did that. Now I know a better way to handle this after seeing your video.

  10. 2:38 I totally agree. It works. 2:54 It's beautiful. It's all about perspective. Irritability has been my largest downfall these days. I have a lot of stressors in my life that I inherently want to see changed or controled, but they themselves are things that can't even control themselves (housing market while selling) or people who refuse to change (alcoholic family). I try to remind myself of who they are to me, or that it's an uncontrollable situation, and how I just want the best for everyone involved.

    Overall, humor is a good immediate time-out cure for this particular situation and in this particular context because at the very least I was able to focus on the fact that my goal is to remember and adjust to the aforementioned things (who people are, uncontrollable situation, wanting the best).

  11. At first this made me even more irritated but towards the end it made sense but I still can't pull myself out of it even with the timeout trying to get my thoughts straight

  12. I Don't want to keep developing this horrible character. I wasn't like this a few years ago… I don't think I can have children..

  13. What if your kids are running you over with their stand up scooter while you're meditating and they want their butt wiped just when you started eating breakfast and they throw pieces of apple which attract ants everywhere and don't pick up after themselves and tell you to do it instead. Then they don't let you take a time out either lol. I get so irritable but I don't want to be…. how do you deal with little kids?

  14. This video is about me, but I’m laughing my head off! This was humorous and helpful! 😂💕 I can’t stop laughing!

  15. I also tend to be violent like throwing things when I get so irritated too much but if I can still hold myself from it I just wanted to shut myself out and I don’t wanna talk to people or even go to church. I also
    take sleeping pills when I can’t control my emotions cause it won’t make me rest. I think there is nothing good happening in my life like I don’t want my life this way I want it that way. I have lots of regrets. I want to change everything but I can’t do it. I am killing someone in my head or thinking bad will happen to him when I get so mad at him. I think of doing bad things to him though I am not doing it in actual. Sometimes I just get myself drunk so I’d be numb and get sleepy. Then after few hours I’ll be back to my normal self again. I am thinking that I may be crazy already like I’m gonna lose myself

  16. Is it really working? I mean this TIME OUT. Possibly yea, because it is only addressing this emoional factors indicated before (F.A.R.), at least F, A. These will cease to be along with time pass. However, I think it should be one very ULTIMATE thing at the very beggining.
    It is ANXIETY or FEAR. This is a root cause (in my hamble opinion) to F then A then R.
    And after T, should be something that help with Anxiety. Changing perspective is good one, maybe other "template" thing you may know ?

  17. Dr Paul, please give me some advice. Recently I feel frustrated and irritable all day every day. It is my normal state. I think the frustration and irritability are from overworking. I don't blame others, I just get frustrated at the rate of progress. I work very hard, and the rate of progress is very very slow, and the slow progress bothers me greatly!

    What should I do?? I don't want to slow down, but I think I am at physical limits :-/ I get 6.5 – 7 hours sleep usually, more on weekends, if that matters.

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