How To Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child

Emotional intelligence, is it possible? Oh
yeah, how to raise an emotionally intelligent child today at Live On
Purpose TV. I feel like I have to say it every time, what’s your job as a parent?
It’s to love them no matter what and even if. I know you’re probably getting
tired of hearing that. This is so important to love them no matter what
and even if. How to raise an emotionally intelligent child is something that we
can talk about and in the context of your loving nature as a parent, it’s
going to work a whole lot better okay so keep that in mind to love them no matter
what and even if. I got to see a movie not too long ago, Vicky and I chose to
watch this movie for a number of reasons, it’s the movie 41 which is the story of
Jackie Robinson. Jackie was one of the first African American baseball players
to actually be introduced into the major leagues of baseball and there was a lot
of resistance at the time. You remember the history and none of us are proud of
this but there was a time when African Americans in the Major League Baseball
were not welcomed and a lot of people were resistant to allowing that to
happen. Well there’s a scene in the movie where Jackie is running out onto the
field and getting ready to play the game, the spectators who are still in their
archaic racist beliefs stand up and start to angrily shake their fists and
yell obscenities and try to get his attention to make him feel embarrassed
or uncomfortable or in their mind, ideally leave the field. Shaking their
fists, turning red in the face, you can picture this, right? And if you’ve seen
the movie you know what I’m talking about. There’s a young boy who is
attending the game with his father, he’s a little puzzled by everything that’s
going on around him, he’s just there to enjoy the baseball game,
he hasn’t learned to hate people, alright. But as he’s looking around and he
sees all of this commotion going on and this hullabaloo about some player out
there that he just wants to watch play baseball, he turns and he looks at his
father who just stood up and joined the angry crowds with fists clenched and
face read as he joins in the screaming and the yelling. Well as this young boy
looks up at his father and as he sees everything that’s going on around him, he
finally gets himself fired up to the point where he says “Yeah, go home!” and he
starts screaming and yelling and waving his fists as well.Why would I remember
that scene from the movie? And it was troubling to me to see that scene but it
reflects something that is so important. What are we modeling for our kids? You
know, the very best way to raise an emotionally intelligent child is to be
an emotionally intelligent parent, show them the right way. When they see you
doing all of these things, what does it teach them? And sometimes kids can’t hear
what we’re saying because what we’re doing is so loud and that’s what they’re
going to cue in on and take their lead you understand the principles, like the
ones that we teach here on this channel all the time, of positivity and choosing
love and being a decent human being, that’s the very best thing that you can
do. Now what else? Okay, I’ve got a strategy that I think is going to work
really well for you. The the rules that we set up for our kids, sometimes we try
to come up with all these rules that are hopefully going to put them in a position
where they can be more emotionally intelligent for example or more
productive or whatever it is. I think we can wear ourselves out sometimes as
parents but coming up with these exhaustive lists of rules and things
that we want our kids to do and notice something, they always are bright enough
to find something that wasn’t on the list and you don’t want to be in that
position either so I’m going to see just now three rules, three rules that we
can use for our home where we develop a family culture around emotional
intelligence which means that everyone in the family strives to follow these
three rules, here they are. Rule number one, respect yourself and others. Respect
yourself and others. Think about what this includes, it means treating people
with kindness, it means not hitting or biting or kicking or gouging or maiming,
it means using kind language when you address your mother. Okay, you see all the
things, it means not back talking. There’s all kinds of things that respect comes into
but check this out. Notice I said respect yourself and others. What does it mean to
respect ourselves? I’ve asked little kids this question.
What does it mean to respect someone? Be nice. Yeah, awesome. What if the rule, the
family rule, is to be nice to everyone? Respect yourself and others, that means
you treat yourself with as much kindness and compassion and forgiveness as you
treat other people. So what about punching my brother in the face? No,
violates rule number one, that’s not respecting others. Okay, what about
talking back to mom when she asked me to do something? No, that violates rule
number one, it’s not respecting mom. What about coming home from school and say “I
am so stupid. I’ll never get this math.” No, violation of rule number one, that’s not
respectful of yourself. Do you see? So it’s going to include self and others. Do
you like rule number one? In creating an emotionally intelligent culture for our
family, I think that’s an important rule. How about rule number two?Respect
property. Notice that it starts with the same word, respect. How do we respect
property? The property is stuff, right? I asked a kid not too long ago what is
property. Oh, it’s my neighbor’s yard. Well yeah, it is and we’re used to talking
about someone’s property as being the place
they live but property is also stuff, it’s belongings, it’s things that you own or
take care of. Now respecting property means that you would take care of it,
you would treat it the way that it needs to be treated, you would put it in the
place where its home is. You would not take something that doesn’t belong to
you, that wouldn’t be respecting property, it’s also not respecting the person who
owns it so both rules are covering that one. You would not vandalize things, you
would not break things, you would not use things improperly in a way that
endangers either the thing or the people around so things are not as important as
people but rule number two has to do with respecting property and that helps to create a culture of emotional
intelligence with the home as well. You like these so far? Now I told you I’d
give you three but honestly, if you’re a parent and your child is willing to
respect themselves and others and respect property, what else do you want?
Well that pretty much covers it but we’ve got a little catch-all that we’ll
throw in there for number three. Rule number three, cooperate and obey. There’s
a difference between cooperation and obedience, let’s talk about that for just
a moment. With whom should your child cooperate?
Here’s a good answer to that. With anyone who is asking them to do something that
is right and reasonable, right meaning it doesn’t violate either of those first
two rules, respect yourself and others, respect property. Reasonable means that
it’s appropriate, it’s appropriate to their stage of development, it’s
appropriate to the context of the asking. So should your 10 year old son
cooperate with your 6 year old daughter? Yeah, okay. If she’s asking him
to do something that’s right and reasonable. Hey, would you help me with
this? Yeah, totally appropriate for a 6 year old ask that. Now what if a
friend at school is saying “Hey, will you cooperate with me
to go steal some cigarettes down at the 7-eleven? We’ll go smoke them out behind
the shop.” No, because that’s not respectful to yourself or property, right?
It’s not right or reasonable so cooperate with everyone as long as it’s
right and reasonable, okay. How about obedience? Who should you obey? Who should
your children obey? Well, that’s obvious, you want them to obey you, right? Why?
Let’s get to the why. You should obey anyone who holds a position of authority
over you. Now we could get into all the arguments about whether that person
should to have authority over you or not but for purposes of this video, it’s fine
to just say anyone who has authority over you so for your children obviously,
that’s you as a parent. Yes, they should obey you. What if you’re wrong? That’s a
different conversation, okay. Be open to that because as an emotionally
intelligent parent, you realize that sometimes you get it wrong and it’s
important to be open to the input and feedback that you get from your kids
especially if it’s painful, be open to that. What about a police officer? Yes
because they hold a certain level of authority, you should obey that police
officer when they ask you to do something. Now what about the right and
reasonable thing? You know what, part of my practice is training law enforcement.
The vast majority of our public servants out there are doing the right thing for
the right reasons, there have been a few that have tainted it but I think the
media has been a little bit unfair about how they’re beating up on law
enforcement for example or the other first responders, I think that’s tragic.
I’m going to stand up for them, I think they’re doing a great job. Should you
obey a police officer? Yes. Why? Because they have some level of authority over
you alright. They ask you to produce your driver’s license, just do it. Don’t
get into a fight. What about a judge? You’re in court, should you obey the
judge? Yes. What if you’re in school? The teacher,
should you obey the teacher? Yes because they have some level of authority over
you. Do you see the difference between cooperation and obedience? As your
children learn to follow these three rules – number one, respect self and others.
Number two, respect property. Number three, cooperate and obey. As they learn to
follow these rules, they develop a level of emotional intelligence that allows
them to interact really well with other people and with the world around them
and you create a culture at home that supports that. It really is more about
creating a culture of emotional intelligence. You’ve got this. Share it
with someone else as well.

27 thoughts on “How To Raise An Emotionally Intelligent Child

  1. I was trying to find the most appropriate video to ask this, so I hope this one isn't too obscure.
    My one year old step son wants to be held and coddled A LOT and becomes very irritable and will tantrum if his want is not met; to the point of banging his head on the floor or crying so hard that he vomits.
    It's very terrifying!
    He often wants to be held at the most inopportune times.
    He has no structure at his mother's house and she gives in to him on all things because she doesn't want to hear him cry.
    She has him most of the time, so is there anything we can do on our end, at all, to make better this situation with a tantruming one year old or do we need to ride it out until he is older?

  2. These rules are amazing and I'm still working on it myself and my son, I was wondering if you can do a video about how to help a child express their emotions to someone such as a parent or to a teacher. And not being so reserved about their feelings when something is bothering them such as at home or about school bullying.. What can be the best way for them to tell the teacher about bullying and not be afraid to talk about it to her or a parent?? I'd really appreciate it if you make a video on this topic!!! I always learn something new about your videos😊

  3. I just love all of you videos they are so helpful in my everyday life & thank you so much!!!
    P.s. the movie is 42! 😁

  4. Just found your channel and i love it! Subscribed straight away! Thank you for the good info!!👍🏻👍🏻

  5. These teachings will work really really well when coupled with Biblical truths n the power of God's spirit without which it is like having a car with all complete parts but no petrol.Can't really work or work well.Appreciate yr teachings, tho Dr Jenkins.No offense meant😁

  6. I would like to know :are French mothers the most superior at raising up kids ? and why ?what is the secret behind this ? Can you do a video about it?

  7. Just bumped on your videos and I'm very happy I watched… Meaningful and worth my time… Let me hit subscribe button for many more updates.. Thanks

  8. I so needed this!
    I need to put these rules up in the house
    I believe you should sell your own merchandise things like this I would certainly buy.
    I realise many of these things make a difference..
    I bought growth mindset posters that I put next to my daughters bed
    I bought gratitude journal
    I bought a timer
    Many purposeful books that related to what she was going through or what I thought would shape her character better and stronger including a LOA book.
    These things are more popular and much needed. Makes all the difference.

  9. I don't Subscribe to many channels, but I have to yours. So much awesome information! Thank you so much for sharing! 😊

  10. well said Dr. Paul!! what a wonderful content. i just discovered your channel and loving it already. thank you very much for those much needed uploads especially to a lot of young mothers❤ you are an amazing person indeed 💛

  11. So i have a question. My daughter loves to horse play. I mean she likes to hit. N i get it she just likes to play like that but i always tell her to stop and that hitting isn't good but i always feel confused. Is there ever a time when its ok to hit? Such as during horse play? Or should it never be allowed… ever…im speaking through a worried im gonna mess up my child mom perspective lol

  12. Good morning. I just find your channel so helpful to our family and we appreciate your intelligence using it to help others family . Just a quick question should I be sharing the video with my three children . One of them 10-year-old who is very emotional child. My two older boys they cooperate they are at stage 2 I believe . But my daughter she is at stage one talks back and have no respect for others at all . Not sure where to start . Do you recommend time out when they’re being disrespectful and not cooperating at all . Lashing out mean hurtful words when you take away privileges Thank you 🙏

  13. This was such a great watch. All of your content is simply amazing. I have a 5 year old that is obsessed with perfection. She is constantly telling me that she simply cannot do anything right. She’s so intelligent and this is breaking our hearts. Is there anyway you could post content on how to overcome perfectionism in kids? Thanks!

  14. My son is 3 yrs old and still he is not interested in writing…… As a mother I am very much worried about my child….. Please help

  15. Omg – they “can’t hear what we’re saying because what we’re doing is so loud.” Hit the nail on my head. Duh, Mom. Jee whiz. Thank you. I needed this reset button for my behavior.

  16. Now, how do you get a 2 y/o and 1 y/o to safely entertain themselves (without just screaming from playpens) when you need to, say, clean up after their lunch, make their dinner, food their laundry, etc… or – heaven forbid – pay attention for 5 whole minutes to their 5 y/o big sis – who – seriously – must be a saint of patience, compassion, and understanding.

  17. I always come back for more. Thank you for being so awesome Dr Paul. It would be very cool to meet you one day.

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