How To NOT Get ANGRY When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

Heya playa, has someone ever done something
that you felt was worthy of criticism? Whether it’s calling you a name, making fun
of you, teasing you about something and you just wanted to call them out on it without
looking like a jerk or being mean to them? I know how tough it can be sometimes to explain
and express how we feel without it blowing up in our face so I do want to share a few
techniques as to how you can approach a conversation without being a jerk. This is The Josh Speaks. You’re watching The Josh Speaks. For those of you that are new here, my name
is Josh and every single Monday through Friday I make videos sharing tips, ideas and stories
teaching you how to be your best self. And sometimes the hardest challenge we can
face is dealing with other people, am I right? They will say things and do things that will
completely push our buttons and make us feel like we don’t even care how we respond, we
just want to tell them off. And in that moment you might feel like that’s
exactly what they need to hear. It doesn’t matter if they actually learn from
what you have to say, they just deserve to be told off so that they can know that they’re
doing something wrong. Have you ever tried to justify reacting like
that before? Never really thinking about the consequences
of your actions but just thinking about the harm or the anger you wanted to inflict on
that other person? Anger can be a natural response to things
sometimes but anger is not equivalent to saying or doing something mean. And that’s where we have to recognize that
there’s a disconnect. There are many different ways to express that
anger so why do we always end up choosing the most negative behaviors. Being passive aggressive, name-calling, criticizing
someone, being physically violent. Why do we choose that path? Connecting our anger with negative behaviors
can feel therapeutic but there are plenty of good behaviors that we can also connect
our anger to that feel just as therapeutic. For example in the practice of mindfulness,
having some kind of reminder whether it’s a bell, a sound, a word, whatever it is to
help bring you back to the present moment can help you feel more calm, more rational
and more able to approach the situations that you encounter. For example, let’s say someone calls you a
name or makes fun of you. That feeling of anger that you’re encountering
could be the trigger that you need to close your eyes, start breathing and really come
back to your present self. Plenty of research shows that when we experience
negative emotions if we allow ourselves to be calm for about 90 seconds it gives the
chemicals in our brain some time to dial down and to relax itself so we can approach that
situation with a more open mind. So if someone calls you a name or says something
that you don’t like, your initial response might be to lash back out at them, to just
let your emotions take over and generally go in a negative way. But if you give yourself time to breathe. If you really collect your thoughts and your
mind in that moment, your response after those 90 seconds is not going to be that negative
one. You might even feel like a response is not
necessary in that moment. Why continue to engage in this banter with
this person who’s clearly either having a bad day or doesn’t know how to express themselves
without taking it out on someone else. Another thing we tend to jump to when we don’t
want to be outwardly and visibly mean is to be passive aggressive. It’s to say something under our breath. It’s to make a little snide comment just to
dig at them. Just to get them back for something that they
did or something that happened that we didn’t feel comfortable with. Being passive aggressive doesn’t really help
us accomplish anything though. It doesn’t allow us to process our emotions
better, it doesn’t create a safer and more open environment where we can share our thoughts
and feelings. Instead, it actually does the opposite. Let’s say someone tells you that you’re just
not good enough to do something. That little dig can drive a deep hole inside
of you to the point where you don’t know how to respond. Your initial reaction might be to lash back
out. To say something negative right back at them
without really even thinking about how it made you feel. It’s hard to stop ourselves and say “Hang
on, why did they say this? What are they aiming to accomplish and why
does it affect me so deeply?”. So in order for us to get a better understanding
as to why they said it, we might even want to ask them to say “Hey, you made this comment
and it didn’t really make me feel good. Why did you feel the need to say it?” and
hopefully they can give us an honest answer. And if they don’t, ok, we move on from that
and we really try to focus on ourselves. Why did that little comment dig at us so deeply? Why are we determining our own self-value
and self-worth by the other person opinion? In those moments, if we can let those triggering
actions be a reason for us to stop, start to breathe and to bring ourselves back to
a point of center, it’ll be a lot easier to approach the situation and think about it
a little bit more rationally rather than to passively aggressively respond to them? And I’m not saying it’s easy to do. To be able to respond in a way that you feel
is positive for your own mental health is gonna take time and practice to get there. But I do believe each and every single one
of us has the capability to process our own feelings. Your feelings should always be mentionable
and manageable and finding the right way to kind of balance that without negatively responding
which doesn’t end up helping us ultimately is the best thing to do. What do you think though, do you find yourself
easily triggered by the things that other people say and do? Do you wish you had a better solution as to
how to manage those feelings? Leave your comments down below and we’ll talk
about it. Now some of you might be in situations where
you don’t really want to put it out there in a YouTube comment so you can always shoot
me a DM over on Snapchat or Instagram. I do my best to answer as many messages as
I can. Otherwise thank you so much for watching. Hit the thumbs up if you enjoyed this video
and don’t forget to check out my new book “Embracing The Awkward”. I’ll have it linked up here on the end screen. It’s a guide for teens to succeed at school,
life and relationships. Check it out, pre-order it today. It’ll definitely help you out and help you
learn how to manage those feelings. As always guys, love and peace.

41 thoughts on “How To NOT Get ANGRY When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

  1. Would you consider making a video or more on introverts, like how they can make friends, being in a large social setting, getting a date, stuff like that.

  2. True video. I used to reply negatively by cussing someone out when someone would comment something bad on my videos, but now I just reply "thanks for giving me a view" or "appreciate your feedback"

  3. Hey Josh, I'm in kind of a tricky situation here. My crush, who I don't know very well, knows that I like her because my friend told her. I don't know what to do now.

  4. Josh! Great video,I know tomorrow you upload tips of crushes and my friends recommended you! Uhh..I have a crush, (5th grade) And I didn't know this but he has a Girlfriend..Everytime I think about him,I feel the urge to cry,And no one on my family knows,My crush doesn't know I like him,Spring break JUST started for me,And I already miss him..I've been thinking I have oneitis (imeanithinkthatsjustforguysbcthewikisayssobutidk) I can't stop thinking about him,I need tips to get over him for some time!
    Hope you can help me!

  5. Dude this has nothing to do with the video, but what if you have a crush and your Muslim? Btw I’m Muslim and I have a crush in the 6th grade and we’re good friends. She’s in two of my classes and we kind of have the same group of friends. Some of my actions and what I say make her laugh. So yea that’s all.

  6. Josh, how do i tell my girlfriends that i wanna have sex?
    I know it's sounds like i just want to get in her pants, i really like her very much.
    And she is not the kind of girl that likes to show her body or being touched, how do i tell her without making her get angry or feel bad?

  7. I have this crush from 5th grade, and she rejected me but before that, me and he extanged jornals for fun and she found out that I liked someone. And later i told her it was her. And it went on me and her flirting alot and later I asked her out and it went badly. Bringing us back to the beginning, she rejected me. Now, she has it again….my jornal….. I wrote some personal stuff in it…..I'm in a jam, should I try again to "get the girl" or persue her as a friend I don't know it feels so dizzy inside

  8. Hey, Josh! There's this girl at my 2-day-a-week online school (we go to enrichments on Tuesday and Thursday) but she's almost never at the campus, and when she is, it's only on Thursdays, I've been trying to talk to her for 2 months now, and when I get my chance I ALWAYS miss it, should I just, give up? (Plz feature this)

  9. Hey josh I’ve been watching a lot of ur videos lately but I still don’t know if my crush likes me. I’m in 7th grade and she’s in my homeroom we have known each other for two years and she calls me her bestie. Since the school year started she has been try to play games in home room that involves us touching hands and she has also been more open in talking to me since last year she was kind of quiet and shy. Can u tell me if these are signs that she likes me? Thankyou

  10. Hi Josh I like a girl at school but I don't know how to start talking to her I don't want to seem like some kind of weirdo

  11. Josh could you do a vide explaining on how to ask your crush/gf to come to your house and what to do if they sleep over?

  12. Hey Josh I need help. I rushed into a relationship with someone because I really like them but now that I am in the relationship it is hard to talk to them because we have never really talked before . Josh plz Help

  13. Josh? Are you doing okay? You haven't uploaded in 2 weeks. If you are taking a break, I completely understand. Just want to make sure you are feeling fine.

  14. I need help on how to act normal around some kids they bully me and I absolutely hate it everyone is after me

  15. I'm having 10000000000000000 percent anger like hulk but if someone hit calling bad words and tease thats it i will burst and blast the earth

  16. I do find myself easy triggered it makes me so mad I got 3 referrals at school because my anger towards people

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