How To Have More Patience With My Child

Some of you have been asking, “How do I
have more patience with my child?” Vicki and I have some ideas that we’re
going to share with you with some powerful tips. So, Vicki what are the
chances that kids are going to try our patience? -100%. -You think? It’s going to
happen so you’re not alone. And I think I want to remind you that
you’re not as impatient as you feel. You’re not as crazy as you’re made out
to be sometimes. -You know, sometimes I am surprised when my kids think back. When I
asked them about well how did you experience this or that from me as a mom?
Because I feel like in my mind I was really impatient a good chunk of the time. And
they don’t remember it that way. So, I think sometimes we’re better at
regulating those emotions turning into behaviors than we think. But that being
said, we do need a little help. And everybody needs help with that. Do you
remember before you had kids how patient you were? How much you knew about child
development and parenting? And it’s… It’s kind of funny we tease our own kids a
little bit now. That they’re grown up and they’re raising our grandkids. How much
they know about parenting. And you do. I mean honestly, as you go into it. You
don’t even know what you don’t know. And you remember how patient you used to be.
And then you had kids. And it’s like, I didn’t know I had such a hair-trigger.
Right? It brings it out. So, let’s normalize that for you a little bit.
You’re not as crazy as you feel. You’re not as impatient as you seem. You’re
probably handling things a whole lot better than you feel like you are. Does
that help a little? I hope we can just throw you a bone there. Vicki, do you
remember years ago we read a book together called the knight in rusty
armor. -It’s just a small little book. We loved it. -Quick little read. And there was
a quote that stuck out in my mind. I probably won’t even get it completely
accurate. But it was something like this: The more we learn to accept rather
than expect the less frustration and disappointment we feel. -And I think one
of the things that brought it about is there in that story it talked about when
a squirrel. Doesn’t just shake its head and get mad at the skies for raining. It
just goes, “Oh, it’s raining. The angles about its business.” -Right. -Because if
you expect it to be perfect… Perfect weather the very day you wanted
to go out a picnic, then you’ve set yourself up for a disappointment. -Right.
Accept and expect sound very similar in the English language. But they’re very
different words. And when our expectations are unmet, we feel
frustration. -And disappointment. -And disappointment. And that can lead to
anger. So, when we’re developing patience, adjusting our expectations is probably
one of the most powerful things that we can do. Because we can’t always adjust
our experience. In other words, it’s going to rain. Right? Your kids are going to do
certain things. Their kids. That’s what kids do. If you expect that to happen
you’re going to feel a whole lot less frustration. And we can equate that to a
high level of patience. -Now, I’m just going to throw this out there too. Expecting
from ourselves as well. Okay? Becausea lot of the times we’re talking about
bringing your expectations of what your kids will or won’t do at this point in
to check. But I think we also need to do that with our own emotions. So, if I lost
my cool for a minute then I go, “Okay, I lost my cool for a minute.” -You mean when instead of if? -Yeah, yeah. That’s true. So, you just accept that you lost it for
a minute and you process it and you practice it in your head and you move on
forward. One of the things I hear the most with parents is how they’re very…
They’ve lost patience with themself for being impatient. -Which gets really loopy.
-But it’s so common. And accept that. Don’t let it tip you over too much. Of
course you’re going to lose your cool from time to time. Welcome to earth. That’s how
we roll here. Without letting that tip you over. Adjust your expectations.
Expect to blow it. Expect that your kids are going to blow it too. And then you have
a whole lot more patience when it happens. Vicki, maybe we don’t have to go
here but I’m going to. I have to. -Okay. -All right? What is your job as a parent? If
you’ve been on this channel very long, you know exactly what the answer to that.
But if you’re new here, heads up. Your job is to love them no matter what
and even if. -We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again. -Yes. We will continue to
repeat that. The beatings will continue until the moral improves. So, just…
Sorry. But get your head wrapped around this. Because as parents, we get deceived
and tricked and sometimes deluded into thinking our job is to make sure that
they… (fill in the blanks). Whatever. Make sure that they obey, for example. Make
sure that they behave, make sure that they’re happy, make sure that they’re
safe, make sure that they… Make sure that they… How frustrating could that be? Even
though I may not know you personally, I’m pretty darn sure that you are terrible
at that job. You know, the one where you have to make sure that they whatever. -I
thought it’s like the love job. I’m like, “Wait, what?” -No. That one, you rock at. You’ve
got that. I mean think about it. You do. You love them, don’t you?
No matter what and even if? Even if they disappoint you, will you love them? Got it.
Even if they hate you? They’ll throw that at you. Occasionally, right? Are you going to
love them anyway? Yes. See, you’ve got your job. But the other one? Where you have to
make sure that they behave, make sure that they do this, do that, be happy,
whatever. You’re terrible at that job. You’re fired.
-And that’s always going to cause you impatience. Because it’s never going to
happen on the timeline you think it should happen if
that’s what’s your agenda is. -Did you hear me fire you just now? You’re fired.
That’s not your job. Get back to your job which is to love them no matter what and
even if. Now, check it out. Psychologically, when we make that shift in our mind, what
happens to our patients? Magic! See?That’s why it’s so important. But not only that.
You’ll show up differently for your kids. And you’ll be able to have a more
profound influence on them because you’re focused on your job which is
Vicki? Love them no matter what and even if. -Love it. Yes. A little context. perhaps. And Vicki, you know this about me.
Because you’ve lived with me for how long now. I get a little sappy. And I get
nostalgic and my daughter laughs at me because I cry in certain videos and
stuff. And we’re not going to get into all that today. But here’s the thing:
Kids don’t keep. They grow up and they become adults. And they’re not nearly as
cuddly. They’re still awesome. We love our adult children. And you know what?
Grandbabies are a really great reason to not wipe out your kids, okay?
Just saying. Vicki, I remember. You used to have a plaque on the wall that had a
little saying on it. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Early… Early in our marriage. I think maybe about what our first child was
born. -Yeah. -And it said… -You’ve got it here? -Yeah. -I pulled it up. It says, “Cleaning and
scrubbing can wait till tomorrow. For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our
sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and babies
don’t keep.” -Hmm. I think that… That just kind of brings about that. They’re…
Everything that we’re experiencing that we’re feeling impatient or frustrated
about is going to pass. The time will pass. And in the end, the most important
thing is that relationship you’ve built with your child. At the on the other side
of time, where’s your relationship? And so, if you can kind of keep that in
mind… That’s what we harp over and over again about the love. If their memory is
the love, the majority of their memory is the love. Then you will be at a place
where you can feel pretty good about. And you get to carry that piece into the
years after your kids have grown up too. Keep that in perspective. Because
everything that we’re dealing with is so frustrating right now
is in fact temporary. And the relationships I think will carry the day.
-Thank you for joining us. And for being a positive conscious parent… -We have a great
community of parents that are coming together at the parenting power up. You
can join us. is the website. Come over there where we
have some amazing resources for you including a free training that you can
get involved with.

17 thoughts on “How To Have More Patience With My Child


  2. After being woken up in the night for about the fourth time in a row I finally decided that part of the reason I was so upset is because I felt entitled to a full nights sleep. I needed to let that go if I was going to keep from being angry at my children every time they woke me up.

  3. I've transformed into such a better person, partner and parent through these videos. I keep my expectations on certain things for myself personally but I understand child development. I used to say it's my job to make sure that they……… now I understand it's my job to love them no matter what and even if, because of this, I've become more compassionate in understanding their frustration of colour of plate and who got to go first so on and so forth. It's a constant battle of learning emotions and we need reminders that these little people are not developed and it's our job to help them learn these emotions and how to understand them and move forward with knowledge for the next trial. Set your pride aside, your ego is not your amigo, find logos!! Logic.
    Thanks for all the awesome videos.

  4. Thank you Dr. Paul & Vickie for your sharing your wisdom with usπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
    May God continue blessing you for many, many yrs because what you do is greater than what you can imagine. You're helping me A LOT!!!

  5. Hi Dr. Paul

    We love your videos. We were thinking if you could do a video about kids that steal or take stuff? What to do or how to handle it best….

    Our boy is 7 years old.

    Keep up the great work you do, Thank you!
    Love from Denmark

  6. How serendipitous! Just today my 11 year old boy accidentally cracked an egg all the way across the kitchen floor, after sprayed raw beef all over the kitchen last night. I said to my wife today, "I hope to high heaven that I can be patient with this boy." I left the room today without an outburst, which was wonderful. Thank you for these tools.

  7. Have you done a video on kids fighting with each other, if not would you consider doing one? How should a parent handle it?

  8. Great great video,thank you so much Dr.Paul and Ms.Vicky.I really love the last part it make me cry,because sometimes i forgot my job.Very powerful video 😌😌😌

  9. Thank you so much for all that you do and sharing your knowledge to others who would otherwise not have known. Thank you.

  10. I think this video is so helpfull and reasuring…i listen to it over and over again and it makes me feel better…i sometimes feel like the most impatient mom…thank you for this video. It's been so helpfull

  11. If there was one video I would share with other parents/caregivers it's this one. (Though I have over a dozen favourites by you that I like to pass along.) These mindsets are incredibly valuable. And I, for one, am super grateful for the pair of you and all you do for us out here in the land of YouTube.

  12. You’re a great couple! This Remind me of my parents and how much love they give us most than anything else ❀️

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