Hello everyone. Today we’re going to talk about anger. Anger is by far one of the most feared emotional states that we experience. Anger is discouraged socially both for its aggressive and its passive forms. Most especially because because of the fact that anger is notorious for creating social conflict, but our resistance and fear of anger only makes that anger persist. What is anger? Anger is an emotional response that rises in response to the option that you have been threatened, think about that for a minute. Anger always comes as a result of feeling threatened that means anger comes in response to the perceived infliction of pain, injury or damage either done or not yet done to you. If we are angry our survival mechanism has been triggered. Remember that I don’t mean just physical survival mechanism, I also mean emotional survival mechanism and mental survival mechanism. This emotion is partly responsible for the fight or flight response. Anger is an evasion. It is an impulse for self preservation. anger is the emotion response that results from being threatened into a state of fear usually about pain that has been inflicted on you or that you think is going to come anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively and psychologically when a person makes a conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threat of an outside force, anger distances you from threat. This is the real reason why anger hurts people. It puts distance between yourself and them. It is opposing oneness and love. It is the of social cohesion. It separates us. If we perceive a threat it means that we feel powerless, it means that we feel like have no control over something that happened or something that is happening. There is no lower vibration on the planet than powerlessness and from a place of powerlessness, you’re a match to incredibly low vibrational experiences including ones that could cause a death. Because of this, the soul has actually created it’s own self preservation instinct. It’s important for the sake of expansion for us to live long enough to use the physical dimension to expand. As a result, anger was created to keep you out of the vibration of the emotions that make you a match to circumstances where it would be a threat to your survival. The self preservation instinct on the emotional level comes in the form of what I call a cover emotion. Emotional states like hatred and anger are cover emotions, they are time to cover the vibration that exists right below it, to keep you from experiencing the lower vibrational emotion Anger is an emotion that covers hurt and fear, because fear and hurt are powerless states. It covers them so that we do not stand those vibrations, and become a match to the many survival risk experiences that are of vibration match to us, when we are in the state of powerlessness. Obviously anger feels better than powerless states like fear, and like hurt, but what about people who say that anger makes them feel worse or vibrational states, like depression, or like fear, or like a guilt. If that’s the case with you, then what happens is that you’re raised in a social group, that believed that anger was so bad that it made you a bad person. You’ve perceived that anger hurts people and that hurting people issue about person, and the bad people do not receive love it’s a hold over from the punishment and rewards file parenting people are relationally dependent so love equal survival as a result every time you feel angry, subconsciously you will find a flight mechanism is triggered. You begin to feel powerless because you core belief is that you will be abandoned or hurt or left alone if you are angry. In other words anger has become a trigger in and in itself for you. This is especially true if you have been raised in a religious environment. All of the various world religions are scattered even the core scriptures with warnings about the personal and spiritual implications of anger. But this is not the dark ages any more. Most of us are not living in caves and stoning our lives and sacrificing goats to the gods, so let’s catch up with the times. Anger is not wrong, anger is not bad, anger is not evil, anger has been critical to our survival, anger pulls you out of powerlessness and the pain of being hurt and being afraid. This is why people say that anger can be used to this fuel and makes dangerous feel smaller and confident seem higher and there is a huge burst of energy. That means we are taking our power back to motivating. Anger means we think we have a choice to make and choice is freedom. This is why anger shows up and the orbit of frontal poor checks of the brain during your imaging studies. Now as I said before anger is a number one enemy in a society. This is a big problem in a universe like this, but is governed by the law of attraction. Because people who do not allow themselves to experience anger, are in fact caught in lower vibrational states than anger. What does that mean in a universe governed by the law of attraction? It means that the people who do not experience anger are themselves experience anger I should say. They will match two experiences that match lower vibrational states than anger. Here is what I mean, when you’re angry you’re amassed to things like fender benders and altercation and frustration popping up all over the place when you’re in a state of powerlessness you’re matched much lower in vibration things, things like tragedies, loosing loved ones, being victimized therefore a person who’s in a state of anger is actually in a higher frequency than a person who doesn’t let themselves experience their anger. It’s also very serious social business to resist anger. The people who aren’t allowed to express anger, the people whose anger is invalidated and disapproved of. They’re discouraged out of anger back into lower vibrational states like powerlessness, like revenge. The energy of those emotional states keeps building until they’ve no choice to act out to save themselves from those emotional states. This is when the world experiences things like murder, a person who’s able to allow themselves to approve of and flow through their is a person who doesn’t have to take action on their feelings to feel better, they don’t end up taking their anger out on other people. We spoke earlier about anger as a self preservation instinct, obviously looking at anger through that lens it’s easy to see just how much anger has to do with boundaries. If you’re angry, no exception to the rule that always means that your being is letting you know that your boundaries either has been violated or are about to be violated. So what does that mean if you’re angry at yourself? It means that your being is telling you that you’re violating your own boundaries or have violated your own boundaries, you’ve given yourself reason to fear yourself and not trust yourself. If you hate yourself your emotions are telling you that you have hurt yourself. You pensive the threat as being you. I cannot go further without saying that if you are a chronically angry person, it is not have personality defect. You have every reason to feel the way you feel. It means, there is an omnipresent threat in your life. And it’s about time you take a look at your life and figure out what that on the present threat is. If you are chronically angry, you have been viewing yourself in your life in a way that makes you feel powerless. So you pull yourself back to anger and you keep doing this over and over again. Sliding state of powerlessness, pulling yourself back to anger, sliding down into powerlessness, pulling yourself back to anger. It’s essentially a vibrational holding pattern. What is it that is making you feel so powerless? People who feel powerless are angry people. People who are afraid or angry people. People. But self preservation is more than just survival. It also has to do with our integrity and intactness as a person. People who are conditionally loved. While one aspect of themselves is disapproved off while the other aspect of themselves are approved of, they fracture, they split, they cannot stay whole. The totality of who they are is in essence rejected. And because of this, that person is also angry. This is the real reason why teenagers are so angry. We need to stop using the cop up that teenagers are just angrier because of hormones, this is great ABF teals are angry because of the increase in social pressure, they have threats to their integrity coming at them from all sides, they’re being pressured to violate their boundaries by parents, by teachers and by peers every single day. The things that were acceptable in them as children are no longer acceptable. They must become only what is acceptable to society now and you had better expect that will result in rebellion, but what is that rebellion really about? Is the rebellion to being told that the totality of who they’re is unlovable and that they must dissociate themselves from the part of themselves that is no longer okay. We’re asking them to conform to what we want from them and to make as feel good and proud even at the cost of their own happiness, at the same time as telling them they must become independent and autonomous. It’s crazy making stuff. Conformity breaks a persons heart, we’re breaking our children’s heart we’re making them powerless and blaming it on hormones, and punishing them for their rebellion. If you are angry, that is right for you to feel, nothing whatsover has gone wrong with you, it’s just that you may not know why you feel as angry as you feel, but I can assure you that once you do find out why you’re so angry, you will see that there is a valid reason why you feel that way. In general, it’s a good rule of thumb to not take action on our negative emotional states, so when you’re angry, it’s not a good idea to go punch a wall or get into a fight, or kill someone, but we also can’t deny suppress or disapprove of our anger because that anger will never go away, instead it will result in an explosion or a physical ailment. We don’t have to suppress or deny anger, we also do not have to take action of our anger. So what exactly is it that we should do about our anger? Number one, don’t distract yourself from your anger. This is a popular tip that people will tell you when your anger is distract yourself from it. I completely disagree, what we have to do is to recognize our anger and I made a search, I’m angry! Two, we have to care that we feel angry by seeing our anger as valid and as important. We should never seek to control our anger, we should seek to take care of our anger as if it were a crying child. We’ve to acknowledge and validate our anger in a way that we have every right to feel the way we feel, we have to understand the real reason why we are angry, understanding anger is really very easy and simple but it requires bravely because the requires we are willing to feel vulnerable and admit to that vulnerability, if we feel angrly its because we feel as if we have been threatened so there are a few questions which we have have to ask ourselves when we feel angry to get to the root of that anger, we need to ask ourselves, what do I feel so threatened by? Once we figure out it is that we feel threatened by we need to ask ourselves, why do I feel so threatened? By that thing and once we have answered those questions we need to ask ourselves the three most important things we can relative to anger. The first is what about that hurt you so bad? The second is, what am I really afraid of in this situation? And the third is what need do I have in this situation that is not getting met? If we feel threatened, we feel vulnerable, the question is to what? For example I might be super angry that my boss promoted the guy who sits next to me in my office, but when I look for the vulnerable root of the anger I might find that it hurt me because it made me feel like I’m not good enough and made me afraid that I’m going to be working at the same level not succeeding or advancing for the rest of my life. Listen to your anger listen to what it’s telling you about what’s wrong with your life and what you need to do or change in order to create a life that feels better. You will find that just the awareness of the pain that is hiding underneath the anger takes the edge off of that anger. You are also also going to be dealing with the real word of the anger and instead of just the surface symptoms which is the anger itself, also the willingness to consciously to feel the emotions of anger and to go into the direction of vulnerability of the heart and of the fear, you will be state of allowing, anger is a state of resistance and so anger cannot survive in that atmosphere of allowing. Three, we need to be unconditionally present in that whenever a motion arises as a result of this previous steps, whether it is anger, or fear or hurt or something else we have to be unconditionally with those emotions and sync into them, we must integrate the feeling for anyone who wants to understand this process refer to my video titled how to heal the emotional body and once you have done that, here are some other techniques to try. Four, I’m not one for breathing tactics, even though their are many people who think it is one of the best ways to approach our anger. To me it feels a little bit like trying ship away the glacier with a grapefruit spoon. But there’s one particular breathing technique that seems to calm the hyper arousal within the brain every single time. To do this you want to breath in deeply for the count of four and you want to breathe out for the count of eight. If you want to, you can add a holding of your breath to the count of six in between the in breath and the out breath. You want to do this 12 times before you resume your breathing naturally. Five, put your pen to paper, write your anger down. Anger is a state of confusion for those of you who have really experienced it you know exactly what I mean. Putting a pen to paper and writing down, expressing your anger completely helps you to get clear about your anger. Writing helps your mind and emotions unite. Also if you fully express the anger you will find that you can access the hurt and fear underneath. Much like scooping oil off the top of water to get to the water Six, catharsis, there’s a raging debate about whether it’s actually a good idea to express and channel anger, and they doesn’t necessarily need to be expressed in order not to be suppressed. As long as you’re addressing the emotions that exist underneath the anger the hurt and the fear. Many of the studies involving catharsis and anger are not favourable in the direction of catharsis, but they show is by expressing or channelling your anger, it actually increases or maintains your state of hyperarouselent it doesn’t make it any better. In fact you were more aggressive than before. But I think that’s because these studies on cothasis on its own without the addition of cognitive psychotherapy techniques, catharsis is not healing unless it’s done in atendome with addressing the real cause of the negative emotion. And indeed when we do address the really cause for the negative emotion we do not feel the need for catharsis. People often channel their anger to avoid their n=anger, and the hurt beneath their under. For example, I could destruct myself from my anger by exercising or playing a violent video game or punching a wall or walking towards a girl or something of the sought. This kind of channeling can be very damaging because it never allows us to that is the real cause of hunger and so healing is unavailable to us, is just a way of temporarily sedating the feeling. I have realized energy but I have done nothing to resolve the underlying problems that are causing my anger, people who are addicted to get thirsty at emotional states like anger are using to avoid directly dealing with the feeling of hurt, and fear underneath the hunger, to truly improve negative emotion state, the underline cause of emotion state, the underline cause of the emotion state must be addressed. So they don’t even bother with catharsis unless you planed to also address the underlying cause of your anger and create cognitive change. Catharsis in another itself does nothing for long term resolution of any emotional state, but it can’t be awesome recruitment, and we cant do awful ways, which are turn or avoiding the painful emotion state, one example is hurt, when you create hurt from angry place, that it actually has the potential to pull other people who are in lower vibration state of anger into the higher vibration state of anger. I am quite convinced that I may not have not survived my teen years were it not for angry bands like limp biscuits and tool. Some popular ways to channel anger is to scream into a pillow, to go running, to go to a place where there’s no risk of harming anything else and throw rocks to make angry art, to buy second hand plates or cups and smash them in a place in a way where you and others won’t be harmed, punching a punching bag maybe you can wrestle with the person who is willing, you can talk, you can dance, you can stretch and move your body in the ways that realize energy or you can cry. Remember that you are looking for release, when you are counting your muscles or restraining your behavior you are trying to control anger and this only makes the situation worse don’t distract this energy, anger wants to move, it wants to flow, it wants relief, so let the energy flow. When you channel anger make channeling the anger your only goal, don’t channel your anger towards a goal. Think of it almost like relieving yourself clean of the poison of the hided bathing desperation of that feeling. Only you can know based on how you feel if your channeling anger so as to avoid the anger and distract yourself from it, or whether here deliberately letting anger flow somewhere in a cathartic way. My observation is the catharsis works particularly well for people who have been quietly inhibited or who inhibit themselves. Only you will be able to tell if catharsis does in fact work for you with regards to anger, and we must remember that if we change our underlying perception, the emotional state of anger will not even be there any more so there will be no need to express it. One popular idea is that we can and turn our anger into motivation. I don’t actually like this idea so much. I’m not really a fun of the idea of turning anger into motivation, because anger is in fact a state of resistance it is a state of resistance to lower vibrational states. Resistance spouse our judgement in situation, we tent to make really terrible choices in space of pain if we are pushing forward from space of anger a forward movement is motivated by insecurity, fear and pain, obviously with that kind vibrational rule the result will not be great. You are just using the rush about anger so you run up string towards our goals, we need to act inspiration which is the result of positive emotional states. Constructive action is not actually a vibrational match to the state of anger. It could be that something that angers us makes us aware of a really good idea and that idea case us to feel inspired, but in that case we’re not actually acting from anger, we’re acting from inspiration. We have in fact moved up the vibrational scale. By channeling anger itself into constructive action as a contradiction terms. Develop empathy and compassion. Try to find similarities between your and the person who’s making you angry. Try to understand them completely. Most especially, try to understand the fear and the pain that exist whatever they’re doing to make you so angry. Empathy and compassion cuts the legs from underneath anger completely, but it can not be faked. Another right thing to do is to become aware of your projections. To explore the concept of projection further you can look at my YouTube video titled projection. Eight music. Music is pure vibration, by being around music we are to entrain with the frequency of it. We can seriously use this to our advantage. If we’re having trouble feeling our anger because we’ve made an enemy of anger, we can play angry music. That gives us permission to let that anger move through us if you feel like you’re ready to move past anger, listen to music that makes you feel empowered and inspired. This kind of music counteracts the powerlessness and fear and hurt Nine, seek out water. It doesn’t matter what form that water is in. It could be an ice cube, it could be a lake or an ocean, or a shower or a bath, or even a drip out of a facet. Think about anger, anger is like an internal fire, that’s what it feels like. What is the antidote to fire? Obviously it is water, and water holds one of the closest vibrations to source energy itself, it purifies us, it balances us, and it neutralizes negative energies. So find water in a whatever way it is calling to you. Ten, pick something that feels better to focus on, something that makes you feel safe or empowered, because those are the opposite vibration states from the state of anger. This can be as simple as watching the Food Network Channel, writing down positive aspects about the situation you’re mad about or thinking about an aspect of your life that it’s actually going very well, something that makes you feel inspired and motivated or empowered. Negative emotion is the indication that you feel a deprivation of something that you need and want, so what is it that you need and want? We can use our acute awareness of what is unwanted to decide what is wanted and then to let ourselves unashamedly go in the direction of those particular things. Eleven, sometimes we need to learn that it is okay to express our emotion directly to other people, but we have to be clear about why exactly we are going to do that, what is it that I want out of expressing this anger to this person. What we may find is that we want validation, if we want validation its highly unlikely that we’re going to get that from a person that we are directing our anger at, but we may find that the reason we want to express our anger to other people is because we want to give ourselves the message that we are completely there for ourselves, we want to give ourselves a message that we have our own back. When this is the case it’s a very good idea to express you anger to other people if we have decided that our goal is to unify and become one with other people, that our boundaries are healthy enough that we do not need to exert them what we want to do is not stay silent we want to instead expose our under belly to people, who we’re angry at. That means so once we figure out the deep fear, and the deep pain that is underneath our anger we express that to the people we’re angry with, yes this requires as much bravery as it sounds like it requires, but you will be amazed at the results, this is the difference between swearing and someone who cheated on you and calling you names and saying you hate them and telling them that cheating on you made you feel bad about yourself unlike you’re not good enough, unlike you were as a child betrayed, let the other person now you’re needs especially what need is not being met in the circumstance as well, this makes it easy to find ways of getting your needs met in the circumstance. 12, it’s a good idea if you feel completely capable handling your anger to bring someone in to help you handle that anger, to help you process it. Make sure that whatever person you choose is experienced with anger. That means, make sure that they see anger is valid as not wrong. They have to approve of anger as an emotion in order to really adequately walk you through the emotion of anger. And if you’re having a really difficult time managing anger between yourself and another person, bring in a non biased third party. This can really help to advance your particular vibration, so you’re not stuck in a state of anger and you’re not stuck in vibrations that are lower than anger. There is a beauty to anger, there would be no anger without free will, and anger there is an acknowledgement of a choice and the best choice to make is to deal with the deep vulnerability that exists below anger itself, that anger is not bad and anger is not wrong. It is just a symptom which is telling you that something about your life is out of alignment and needs some more than care, an unconditional attention, have a good week.