How Do You Stay Calm During A Child’s Tantrum?

We get some great questions from our
viewers and this one’s for you Vicki. How do you stay calm during a child’s
tantrum? -You’re going to have to watch the video to find out. -Vicki, we’ve raised 4 kids together. -Right. -And we’ve both worked with kids our entire career. You’ve run into some
Tantrums. -Oh. Some doozies kind of like a big storm maybe. -That is a great
analogy of it. Yeah. -Well think about a storm.
Actually it is. -It is. This a perfect storm. -You can sometimes see the storm
clouds gathering, can’t you? -Oh, you bet. -Sometimes you can predict that this
storm is coming. -Matter of fact, anytime you change things
up, expect the storm. -Just expect it? -If you expect it, then you’re not that
surprised when it comes. -That is an excellent point. And if you’re not
surprised by it coming, maybe you can keep your cool a little better. -Yeah. -You
know what? Let’s pursue that idea of the storm for a minute. Because I
think we can learn something from storms that will help us to deal with the
tantrum. If I look out the window and I see that the storm clouds are gathering
and I realize, “Oh, you know what? I left the windows down on my truck.” -Mm-hmm. -I go
outside, I raised my fist to the heaven and I say, “Don’t start with me!” Becuase that’s
going to be helpful. -Oh, yeah. That’s going to really help. NO. I go close the windows in my
truck. -And you write out the storm. That is one of the hardest things for us as
parents is to write out the storm. Yeah, you’re going to
expect it. And0 I hate to tell you this, parents. But as you start to take
some parenting power up your parenting. And maybe start to let some of the
natural consequences guide and try to help your child move up in stages,
you’re going to run into some storms. -I got to tell you… -It’s inevitable. -…I was working
with a mom and her daughter, okay? Daughter was 13. She was just crazy
out of control, okay? All kinds of stuff that I won’t bore you with today. But we
came in and I got her started on the Parenting Power-Up. -Right. -The course
that helps mom stay calm and collected and be able to
have effective consequence. -Right. And feel like you have a little control in
your life. -Any way, so we implemented at some of the Parenting
Power-Up and the next time they came to see me. They were seeing me privately at
the office. I hear the door slam of the car out in the parking lot. I hear this
through my window. I look outside my window and this girl is storming up
toward the building. And then I look in mom kind of gets out of the car and
she’s smiling. And I’m like, “Oh, this is interesting.”
This girl bursts into my office, okay? The storm has begun. -Mm-hmm. -And she stares me
down and she points a finger right in my face. And she says, “You are ruining my
life!” -You got to love it, right? -Now, it’s
storming, right? -Right. -What should I do? Raise my fist to the heavens? No. Weather
the storm. -Weather the storm and recognize it’s going to be loud. -In fact, You
know what I told her? “I’m flattered. Really.” But I have that much power. That’s
kind of a funny example. But here’s another thing we know about storms. Have
you noticed this, Vicki? All. Storms. Pass. -Eventually they will pass. -Do you know
the storm that didn’t pass? -They all pass. -Right. -And this one will too. So, if you
weather the storm, eventually the storm is going to pass. -Right. -Now, one of the
things that we tell our parents in the in the Parenting Power-Up is to always
focus on think not fight. -Right. -When you put up your dukes…
-Well… Yeah, it’s a tricky balance within. You know, if you’re going to fight
against the storm, you’re just going to be frustrated and probably prolong this
storm. -Probably prolong this. -Yeah. -The storm will peter out and eventually.
So weather the storm. Storms always pass. What else do we know about storms?
Sometimes they cause damage. -Mm-hmm. -They do. I mean there might be
some fallout from this storm. If you were weathering an actual storm in your home and some damage occurred, you would go fix the damage
afterwards. -Yeah. -It’s something that you have to play. It’s like you were saying
earlier, Vicki. That if you expect it then you’re not surprised. But you can plan
for it, buy some insurance. -Right. And you know, I think it’s really important
sometimes to be expecting it because when they start storming you go, “Oh,
they’re storming because some things are changing. The change is what we want to
get to. So, I’m going to get through this storm. And then we’ll have more power to
get to the place that we really want to be.” -Keep smiling.
Keep Calm. You know what, though? You don’t have to. You don’t have to stay calm
through the storm. You can raise your fist to the heavens. You can get in their
face and tell them they’re ruining your life. Now, why would I say that? -I’m not
sure. Where are you going with this? -Because it’s an option.
-Well, that’s true. -You don’t have to stay calm. I want you to see that it’s a
choice. Because until you see it as a choice, it’s not. And you’ll roll with
whatever your programming is. When you see it as a choice… And how did you feel
when I said you don’t have to stay calm? You’re like, “I want to.” Yeah, that’s
different. We’ll, get behind that all day long. It’s
a choice. And if you’ve got a choice, why wouldn’t you? -Yeah. I think one of the
things too about storms is if you join your child in the storm, sometimes then
it becomes about the storm instead of whatever it is you were trying to get to
on the other side of the storm. -Yeah, that’s true. -So… -Weather the storm. So Vicki, when
I was kind of teasing earlier about you don’t have to stay calm.
-Right. -Do you remember we watched a movie called Bridge Of Spies. -Right. -Maybe
you’ve seen it. But there’s a line in that movie that was so compelling to me.
This spy, this Russian spy was being interrogated a little bit by the… Was it
an attorney that was representing played by Tom Hanks. Anyway, what he said
to him was, “You don’t seem upset by this. You don’t seem to be worried.”
And his response? -“Would it help?” -I love it. -So, will it help if you get upset about
their storm? -Probably not. -Probably hurt. It’ll probably make it worse. -So, stay
calm and weather the storm. We hope that helped give you some ideas
of how to weather the storm. If you want to go to our Parenting Power-Up, there’s
a link right over there. -Please do. -Yep, and right down there. It’s going to help
you find more ways to reduce the yelling and the tension in your home. -Create a
peaceful environment that you’re craving.

10 thoughts on “How Do You Stay Calm During A Child’s Tantrum?

  1. I have a 3 year old daughter and I let her know what a temper tantrum is I let her also know what huffing and puffing is but I think we bonded so well that she understands to not do that with her father in addition to that I think I never grew up myself I still find myself in Walmart toy section lol

  2. Congratulations on your 70k! I'm here since your 5k subs and I feel so happy to see this blessed channel growing. And it is fabulous to see Vicky again.
    Dr. Paul, my child watches your videos from which she may grasp key points about consequences. I've applied consequences in such a business-like fashion that she'd would tell you " you're ruining my life" if she saw you 😊😊😊. Thank you!

  3. Great info! Can you please do a clip on how to help a 4.5 year old girl with her extrem shyness? She always hides behind us and does not want to meet new people. Our 3 year old boy is the complete opposite. How can we help her? 🙁

  4. Thank you 💜😭 I trully needed this we had a wild episode at the local Walmart McDonald's today. I weathered, eventhough I did tell her softly and in a low voice that people where staring at us bc she was screaming bloody murder bc I took a small piece of her burger and she wanted me to "fix it", lol my daughter threw the ugliest tantrum I've seen from her in public. She even started hitting me bc I just wanted to leave bc of her behavior. I truly needed this video. Thank you🙏

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