How Best to Manage Your Moods

Far more than we are inclined to accept and
sometimes even realise, we are creatures of mood: that is, our sense of our value as human
beings is prone to extraordinary fluctuation. At times, we know how to tolerate ourselves,
the future seems benevolent, we can bear who we are in the eyes of others and we can forgive
ourselves for the desperate errors of the past. And then, at other points, the mood dips and
we lament most of what we’ve ever done, we see ourselves as natural targets for contempt,
we feel undeserving, guilty, weak and headed for retribution and disaster.
But it can be very hard to grasp what causes our moods to shift. A day that started with
energy and hope can, by lunchtime, end up mired in self-hatred and tearfulness. A sure
sense that we’ve finally turned the corner and are on the way to better things can be
replaced at speed by an alternative certainty that we are a cosmic error.
We cannot, it appears, ever prevent our moods from being subject to change, but what is
open to us all is to learn how to manage the change more effectively – so that our downturns
can be ever so slightly more gentle, our sadness more containable and our inconstancy less
shameful in our own eyes. Here is some of what we might learn to bear
in mind around our capricious moods: Realise our Vulnerability
We should acknowledge how vulnerable our moods are to being perturbed by so-called ‘small
things’. We belong to a species of extreme but also fateful sensitivity; we shouldn’t
expect to be able to appreciate a Mozart aria or a Rembrandt self-portrait on the one hand
and then, on the other, stay unbothered by the downturned corners of the mouth of a lover
or the slightly distant gaze of a would-be client. We shouldn’t berate ourselves for
how thin our skin is; we should adjust ourselves to the full consequences of our extraordinary
openness to experience. Edit Social Life
Unless we take vigorous measures to edit our social lives, we can too easily find ourselves
in the company of people who, though they may call themselves our friends, are – in
terms of what they do to our moods – no such thing. Beneath a veneer of kindness,
these people are the bearers of latent hostility, deadly competitiveness, self-absorbed hysteria
or priggish moralism. To start to be a friend to ourselves means learning to take a scalpel
to our address list in order to edit out such dispiriting impostors.
Vulnerable Friendships The one great solace for a low mood is the
right sort of company: people who know how to reassure us that we still belong, that
sadness is to be expected and that our errors never put us beyond compassion. These consoling
souls will have suffered, they will have hated themselves and they will have learnt how to
laugh at the absurdity of being human. Most importantly, when we show them our low mood,
they will know how gracefully to take that most essential next step of friendship: accept
our flaws and display one or two of their own.
Honour the Body Maddeningly, some of why our moods shift is
that we inhabit a body. But because it’s so humiliating to have to accept that our
ideas about ourselves and our lives might be dependent on bodily factors – how long
we slept, how much water we’ve drunk, what viruses we are fighting in the background
– the temptation can be to insist that our ideas must solely be the offspring of reason.
It would be wiser to interpret that most of what passes through our minds is in some way
dependent on particular things going on in our bodies. At points, it isn’t that it’s
all over and that we’re the worst person on earth, it’s just that we may need to
lie down for an hour or urgently have a glass of orange juice.
Disrespect a mood Moods are proud, imperious things. They show
up and insist that they are telling us total certainties about our identities and our prospects
– perhaps that our love lives will never work out or that a professional situation
is beyond repair. But we always have an option of calling their bluff, of realising that
they are only a passing state of mind arrogantly pretending to be the whole of us – and that
we could, with courage, politely ignore them and change the subject. We might recognize
but not give way to the mood and put a bit of distance between it and our conscious selves.
We might at times even do precisely what a mood commands us not to do: see someone rather
than cede to shame, show our face rather than give way to paranoia, go out for a walk rather
than fold our limbs into the foetal position. While we are being rocked by a dark mood,
we should strive to keep a little light on, the light of sanity and self-kindness that
can tell us, even though the hurricane is insisting otherwise, that we are not appalling,
that we have done nothing unforgiveable and that we have a right to be. We can strive
to keep ourselves plugged into a small pilot light of kindness until a larger sun is ready
to rise once more. Not only do difficult moods insist that they are correct, they also seek to convince us
that they are permanent. But our sense of self is naturally viscous; we are condemned
to rise and fall, flow and ebb. We are, as a reality and as a metaphor, largely made
of water. We shouldn’t allow a misplaced ideal of permanence to add to our sorrows.
Though we may be unable to shift a mood, we can at least realise that it is only ever
such a thing and that, in the inestimable words of the prophets, with the help of a
few hours or days, it too shall pass. Our Emotional Barometer is a tool that can help us to more clearly explain our moods. Click the link now to find out more.

100 thoughts on “How Best to Manage Your Moods

  1. How do you deal with your moods? Share your experience with us in the comments below. Perhaps you could help someone else. Be sure to subscribe to the channel if you haven't already and turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.

  2. I very rarely and temporarily have a bad mood. I guess it is due to living a fulfilled life, knowing my own needs and acting on them, feeling and accepting my feelings instead of supressing them, self-compassion and self-love, meditation, good music, gratitude, presence, enough good sleep (ideally) and a positive attitude towards the world, always looking on the bright side.

  3. I need to manage my stress levels because it affects my mood and how I interact with others. I don't take it out on others however people can tell when I'm stressed or worried because I go quiet and I zone out a lot.

  4. Your mental health is just as important as physical health if not more because just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Keep your mind happy and your health can follow.

  5. !!!!!! 2:20 "we can too easily find ourselves in the company of people who , though they may call themselves our friend , are (in terms of what they do to our moods) no such thing"

    some ppl call it "bad vibes" , I refer to it as not sitting right with and/or affecting my spirit ; whatever you want to call it , the ppl causing it have to gooooooooo

  6. This is all well and good but a lot worst for people who are bi-polar or have MS which I have, thankfully a mild case, but depression and fatigue are two of the biggest symptoms more prevalent in women of northern European background like myself! Caused by too little sun light and a Vit. D deficiency though it's multi-factorial! Researchers in the UK now have linked MS all the way back to the Vikings and it has the highest rate in Canada, the UK esp. Scotland, the Shetland and Orkney Islands and also in Aberdeen where my maternal ancestors were from, though no family history of it! We have to do many of the same things you've mentioned here. I would say that anyone who is wonderful and nice from the outside and rotten to the core on the inside is a real Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde, malignant narcissist, often times sociopaths/psychopaths! Be careful of the company you keep indeed! Studied psychology and had a late father who was one and married to one for 42 years i.e. 'repeat compulsion' as Freud said and lived to tell the tale! Psychologists around the world as far away as Australia are now saying ongoing emotional abuse can lead to MS or other auto-immune diseases! "knowledge is power" as they say! Thanks for sharing your great wisdom once again, much appreciated~

  7. "… The untrained mind is stupid. Sense impressions come and trick it into happiness, suffering, gladness and sorrow, but the mind's true nature is none of those things. That gladness or sadness is not the mind, but only a mood coming to deceive us. The untrained mind gets lost and follows these things, it forgets itself. Then we think that it is we who are upset or at ease or whatever.
    But really this mind of ours is already unmoving and peaceful… really peaceful!
    .. Our practice is simply to see the Original Mind. So we must train the mind to know those sense impressions, and not get lost in them. To make it peaceful. Just this is the aim of all this difficult practice we put ourselves through"
    Ajahn Chah (a Thai meditation master)

  8. To understand, and keep in mind, the impermanence and empty nature of moods, is the best way I know to deal with them.
    I learned that from practicing Buddhist meditation (in particular vipassana)… 🙏😌

  9. " This to Shall pass " Ignore Negativity grow Positivity Destory weak mind voice 🎙️🎙️🎙️ over Vera Level 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

  10. oh yeah so where are all the Socrates like friends kicking about in the average life – most people are also out at sea on the high seas of emotions and contemplations – in a world of unfathomable complexity of which we get barely a glimmer

  11. School of Life you are a life savior. You explained things so beautifully. Helps me to understand myself a little better. Your videos and narratives are like meditation to me. Thank you so much.

  12. Im sorry, but it is very difficult to understand the language of the videos. i love the narrator, i love the sing-songyness of the visuals and his voice, but it's hard to follow the words and i have to rewind the video many times to understand it.

  13. Emotions are housed in a very primitive part of our brain. A part that does not understand the concept of time. That is why when we feel very sad we think we will always feel sad. Weather or not this is completely true it has been very helpful for me and others that I explain it to. Also talking to someone about how you feel helps bring the emotions out of the primitive areas of the brain and into the more reasoned areas. Lessons from 40 years of depression and therapy.

  14. So many words, so little substance. It's nice to listen to you, but it almost always feels like a waste of time…
    It''s a matter of taste, I think, but I like it when speakers get to the point.
    Nice voice, though. 🙂

  15. I was the person who needed to be cut out from a former friend's life, especially as a result of moods and thinking badly of them often, so this video really hit home. Hope everyone out there manages to avoid my mistakes; it's well worth investing in mental hygiene every now and then 🙂

  16. Is it just me or… there's a goatse at 3:26 ?

    I'm so confused, "The School of Life" is supposed to be a serious YouTube channel, yet, the ring and the gesture matches perfectly…

    I know I'm going to be alone on this one since I'm talking about such an obscure an intricate ancient-meme. In the case I'm right and I spotted it first, do I get to be part of some secret masonic cult of the deep Internet ? If that's so, I want cookies as a welcome gift !

  17. Very important topic! I feel sometimes an incompatible disaster… and sometimes I feel like a genius Superhero… But in reality, I'm both… and either 😀 Have a nice day!

  18. Sometimes I wonder if there are people that are just ok and happy… Maybe not all the time, but for most of it. How do they do that? 😅

  19. Oh, yea, you incurably dumb fck dtditiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, why, just the other day I was complimenting, congratulating, offering kind words to random people  & making them feel good! Or at least that is what you would strongly think how a Filipino would be in any situation…. If you're White… But, you don't know that part. What you only know certainly is that it's better to make me seem as innocuous as imaginably possible. I'm not exaggerating "as imaginably possible", as when your idea of a Filipino is that strong. Though, Filipinos do share the greater blame in that..

  20. "He just doesn't know how to express himself & process his feelings!! What he's saying right now, that's not him!!! Everybody, it's not him! I haven't read any of the things he's written in FaceBook, but you just know it! It's not HIM! It's not him, everybody!"

    The last time I was like this was pre-2013. I was saying a lot of things, but what people assume would be the content goes something like, "We… We the oppressed! We are not listened to! You are not listening to me. I… I have something to say about the subject of Computer Science [or fill with any subject here]! There is no reason to believe this [fill in a claimhere]! But, it still could be! I know it! Even if I believe it without good reason!". Then that is all that's going in there heads as they read my post, usually a question or inquiry, rather than a claim. All they could see is a misguided plight, not reason. Then people wonder now, why I am so good at arguing — I had lots of practice, a lot of it provided by you. I said a lot of things pre-2013, but people would not process it. That's the only thing that was true in the quotation above. Then around 2013, my work has gotten more validation & since then professional & academic support very slowly started turning around. Aside from that, there is also the realizations, by people that want to ruin me (just because of their own mean idea of "social justice"), that the more they badmouth me, the more people will side with me. So they figured they'll just do it the way it's more commonly in social media — the vancouverite way. Lots of feel goods to lower people's guards so they could surreptitiously deliver their innuendo. Now, with the sum of my online posts, policies proposed & problems solved in academia, along with what you can see first hand through my eyes, people are much more willing to listen. Yet some people are still caught on what's been initiated after 2013 by people against me. The feel good that, this is actually a ridiculous guy, but look, he's a few scant good ideas! See what could be! The possibilities! Not good! Just possible! So easy! Inclusivity! A guy like him! So happy! To some people this is becoming a little bit of a foreign idea, but certainly one that can be recalled ever since they only started listening about e back in post 2013.

  21. You forgot "don't try to change a bad mood with alcohol." That's a problem for people who aren't technically alcoholics but are problem drinkers. If you drink to change your mood, you're probably going to drink more often or even drink alone. You may drink more than you meant to, since you're running from the bad mood or unpleasant thoughts. Then, after you drink more than you meant to, the next day you'll feel potentially depressed, anxious, or just tired and irritable. I think some of the best advice I've gotten from someone who I didn't especially like was to only drink to celebrate. That way you're in a decent mood, with people, and it would naturally limit your drinking to certain occasions – no more often than once a week, and possibly as little as once a month or even every few months. This is something than can be difficult to learn in our "I need a drink" culture, especially too for someone prone to moodiness or sensitivity. That's why people who have substance abuse issues are often also depressed, or suffer from a personality disorder or more serious mental illness.

  22. The orange juice thing isn't as funny or clever as some of you are making it out to be. Drinking orange juice is a quick treatment for low blood sugar. People also crave orange juice when they are fighting off a virus.

  23. Yesterday i feel just fine, having a nice quaility time, reading books, sleep well. But today i feel like a failure and dont deserve to live. Mood is such a troublesome thing.

  24. While I wanted to say that I both agree and greatly appreciate with most of the message in this video, there is however something I find slightly confused. Considering this message might be targetted to people who strongly need more confidence, reassurance, perhaps it's okay. But it seems to suggest, which might be quite detrimental long-term, that we should rather isolate ourselves from those that might make us feel we're flawed than endure the discomfort. The narrator refers to 'priggish moralists'. Let's just say it's hard to tell who is being 'priggish' and there certainly are moralists out there, some of whom might just be right. So if we're feeling very down and somebody focuses on our flaws, they are likely not the best friends we could have. But we, humans, do have capacity to do what we shouldn't and sometimes we even act so poorly, that what we destroy is more important than our own temporary well-being. Sometimes being told you've done wrong is what we do need to hear and it's bad to suggest that the discomfort of being reprimanded is a sign someone is both a bad friend and a 'priggish' moralist. Whether their reprimand was right and well timed is a particular matter, not subject to naive general rules. We can't just want psychological health and comfort in this life, this is not the ultimate goal. That said, we should be forgiving to ourselves and take our own moods for what they are, mostly irrational, passing states of mind, maybe signals that we should act on some need or change some aspect of our life, but definitely, we should not fear our moods and worry about their permanence.

    So I might have emphasized something here that I thought was worth mentioning as a counter, but I wouldn't want to be misunderstood, I believe in whole this clip is a very helpful, very well produced one, rather wise and gentle and has a potential of doing much good for people who need to shift toward this kind of perspective more. Thank you for your work.

  25. The point about haing the right friends is very important, its a thing I have recently realized. They can make all the difference in the world.

  26. This is the voice I heard talking about Machavelli and being a nice guy doesn't work..Some people aren't worried about getting their way! But at the same time knowing many want to get their way, You need to have the Pyschology in you as well to defend yourself and beliefs from it!

  27. Would you please make a video about people who are still a virgin in their 30’s, 40’s or even older, and not necessary because they’re unattractive or asexual, but because they had a very bad and neglected or abuseve childhood. A lot of these peaople growing up to do whatever they can to avoid people, whitch makes it extremeley or even impossible to found a partner. As people gets older the prospect that they might never have sex slowly replaced with an even more scarier possibility, thet they have to live their lives all alone. And not just their old ages, but their whole life. And these people missing out a lot of vital things not just sex, they might never get a hug or a stroke, never know the feeling of giving and receiving love. They basically just born to this world , live a lonely life, and die!
    I would really love to see a video, which isn’t gonna tell me that i only have to wait, and everythings will be better. (Just because it’s simple not going happen everybody.) I’d like to see a video that give me usefull advise on how to cope with my situation on the long term!
    Love your cideos btw, I’m already a much more mature person because of them!

  28. I know. If I didn't know better I'd say we don't have souls, everything we are lies within our brains and we're just at the whims of whatever chemical is passing through our synapses. But nonsense like that is why…ugh! Science bad 😤

  29. There videos using vocabulary which is hard for me. Hopefully they make videos with normal English so videos are easily comprehensive for everyone..

  30. Love your work, helps me have a better understanding of being an emotional, ,"cosmic error" amidst chaos of the world within and that which surrounds me. Simply beautiful thanks and regards.

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