Healthy Ways To Discipline Your Child

Are you looking for some healthy ways to
discipline your child? You’ll want to watch this video. By the end of this one,
you’ll have 5 specific ideas. The research in psychology has been very,
very clear about this. In fact, it’s probably the thing that is the most
clear in the whole industry. Kids need 2 things to be well-adjusted and happy.
And those 2 things are love and discipline. Sometimes researchers use
different terms for that. Like warmth and structure. Well, does that sound like love
and discipline to you? So, finding healthy ways to discipline
our children is really essential to their development. And it helps us feel
better as parents too. Because don’t you get tipped over sometimes when you end
up doing something that wasn’t so healthy? What I’ve found is that most
parents get frustrated or confused when they’re trying to deal with a child
who’s on stage 1 in their moral development. If you’re not familiar yet
with the stages of moral development spend some time on the positive
parenting playlist here on our Channel. Or you can connect to the parenting
power-up there’s a link in the description. Where we get into detail
about those stages of moral development. The confusion that we have or the
frustration that we feel is usually because this child should be doing
something more mature but they’re not. That means that we as parents have to
step up and take a higher level of control. Here’s 5 tips that will help
us to have a more healthy approach to discipline. Tip number 1, separate the
emotion from the discipline. You get tipped over sometimes when
you’re disciplining your child. This is counterproductive because it gives the
child a false sense of control over a big person who should be in control of
their emotions. Separating the emotion from the discipline puts you in a
powerful position as a parent. So, it’s all business. We take the emotion out of
the discipline. It’s all cool. It’s all calm. I’m going to maintain a calm face
voice and body as I engage in the discipline for the children. This is
easier said than done. Because our emotions get sucked into it. Notice that
your emotions become relevant when you are feeling frustrated angry or
resentful about what your child is doing. Those 3 feelings –frustration, anger
and resentment are really great indicators that you need to get into
control. And it’s distracting to feel those feelings because it seems like
somebody else needs to get into control. Well, even though that might be true, your
frustration and anger is because you are out of control. That’s why we need to
focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t. And that’s going to help
us to remove the emotion from the discipline. Let’s let that move us in to
tip number 2. Think versus fight. Think versus fight. What do you want your kids
to do? Think or fight? You want them to think. Because when they’re thinking they
make pretty good decisions. When they’re fighting, not so much. This rule goes for
everyone including you as a parent. Think not fight. If you’re feeling like
fighting, you’re off. Get back focused on thinking so that you can come up with
some strategies for how to approach the
discipline in a completely businesslike way because you’ve already separated the
emotion from the discipline. Think not fight. I’m going to help you with that
because the videos that we’ve put up on the positive parenting playlist here on
the channel are full of ideas for you to help you do just that.
Keep thinking and let’s encourage the kids to do the same. Here’s a little
insight about that. When mom’s smiling, kids are thinking. When mom’s smiling,
kids are thinking. This goes for dad too. It freaks him out a little bit at first.
Because if they’re used to tipping you over and we’ve got the emotion all tied
in to the discipline still. Then they’ve got you. They know that they’re in
control. When you separate the emotion from the discipline and you’re smiling,
they wonder what you’re up to. And they start to get nervous. Think not
fight. Now tip number 3. Let consequences and empathy do the teaching.
A lot of times as parents we get into the old 3 R’s of parenting. Do you
remember what those are Rant, Rave and Rescue. It’s where we ball them out and we bail
them out. Instead of doing that, we’re going to allow the consequences to fall.
Now, a lot of times we get all emotionally tied up in our kids choices
because we really don’t want them to have the consequences, do we? No. We’re
trying to protect their little Souls. So, we instead, ball them out for whatever it
is that we’re trying to discipline them over. And then we bail them out and let
them have the privileges that they haven’t earned through their choices. Can
you connect with this at some level? When we do this, we teach our kids
inadvertently that the only thing that matters is that they have to put up with
a little bit of noise. And for kids, bad breath is better than no breath at all.
So, they’ll do that all day long. It also tells them that what really matters here
is mom or dad’s mood. If they’re in a good mood, then I can get what I want.
If they’re in a bad mood, then I have to put up with a little bit of noise and
then I’m still gonna get what I want. Really? Is that what we want to teach our
kids? Let’s let the consequences fall. I can guarantee you, your kids can handle
whatever consequences they are developmentally bringing on to their
plate. They can handle it. They might not send you the message that they can
handle it. “Oh, I can’t.” Right? That doesn’t mean that they can’t handle it. So, let the
consequences fall. And then let’s add that second part. Empathy. You let empathy
be the emotional response that you give your kids. Empathy has 2 important
components. It means that you understand and care how someone else feels. And you
do. You already do. You care how your child feels that’s why you’ve been
bailing them out. Instead of bailing them out, join with them in that feeling. “Oh,
this is hard for you buddy, isn’t it?” See, that’s empathy. Not in a “I told you so”
sort of a way. Connect with them. Understand and care how your kids feel.
Use consequences and empathy to do the teaching. Tip number 4 goes right back
to our main parenting model. You balance control with maturity. Control and
maturity are inextricably tied together. You have control because of maturity.
This is what we want to teach the kids. The more mature they are, the more
control they get to have. And it’s all business because we’ve separated the
emotion from the discipline. You see how these tips are
tying together? Now, if you’re not sure what I mean by control and maturity,
that’s where I want to send you back to the positive parenting playlist teaching
kids responsibility is one of the videos we did that outlines this particular
pattern for you. And you can always connect to it also at the Parenting
Power-Up. Click through in the links down below and you’ll see what I mean. Now, one
final tip for today’s video. Focus on choice and accountability. A
little tip that I’ve shared in other videos here is to always give your kids
2 choices. Both of which you are okay with. And one of which you control
without getting into all of the details about how to do that particular skill.
This is a really powerful way to have a healthy approach to discipline. Because
you’re focusing on choice. You can do this or you can do that. Either way is
okay with me. Make sure you’re okay with both ways. Because if you give you kids a
choice that you’re okay with and one that you’re not okay with, guess what’s
one they’re going to pick? I’m okay either way. And then you’re smiling. When parents
are smiling kids are thinking. And that was one of our tips for today think not
fight. Think versus fight. You can do this, you can do that. Either ways okay with me.
You choose. And you control one of those choices which means you control the
consequences for that choice. That one becomes default and that’s the one that
we go to if they refuse to choose or if they very creatively choose door number
3. The accountability part of this particular tip is where they get to
receive the consequences for their choice. Whether it’s positive or
unpleasant. They get to own the consequences. That’s the accountability
part. And you don’t bail them out as a parent. Hopefully those tips will help
you to have a healthier approach to discipline. I’ve mentioned several times
in this video the Parenting Power-Up. You can connect to it in the links down
below. The reason I
created this course is so that you can feel like a positive parent that you
have all of the tools and ideas and resources you need to keep smiling and
not get tipped over by all of the stuff that comes up for parents.

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