Eating Disorders from the Inside Out: Laura Hill at TEDxColumbus.
100 Comments


Translator: Ildikó Zana
Reviewer: Abed Shurrab Food is as fundamental
[to life as breathing], and the most fundamental source of energy. It is the source of energy for us to have our strength in daily living, and it is the centerpiece around
which we establish a sense of joy, communication, celebration. It’s the way we socialize. We socialize around food. But then, what about those
who might have a reaction to food? And then, there are those, for example,
with type one diabetes. With type one diabetes,
a person cannot eat sugar in the same way as those who don’t. The pancreas literally breaks down, and cannot accompany
the sugar into the cells, and so the body starves. So, when you think of diabetes, how do you think of diabetes: as a social illness,
say, psychological illness? Or a biological illness? How many would say biological? That’s the way the majority
of us think of it, because we know that’s the predominant
cause of the illness. But when you think of eating disorders, do you think of eating disorders as a social, psychological,
or biological, illness? It’s that eating disorders maybe
psychological and social as well, but there is a serious
biological basis to this illness, and it’s a brain basis. Instead of the pancreas breaking down, what we are now knowing
is that there are pathways in the brain that are not functioning in the same way as those who don’t have
an eating disorder. I’m going to focus today on anorexia
and what we know from the inside out. And what I want you to know from all the areas of eating disorders, there are about ten million persons
in the United States with anorexia and bulimia, according to the National
Eating Disorders Association, and millions more
with binge eating disorder and other variations of those disorders. We know that eating disorders have the highest death rate
of all mental illnesses. So, it’s not something
that we can just think lightly about. And it’s very difficult to treat. So, let’s just start with you. Let’s just start
with the sense that hopefully, all of you had breakfast this morning. And, with that breakfast, you got some energy to start
and enjoy this day, here at TEDx. So, a person without an eating disorder enjoys their toast, has a little more jam, feels pleasure from what they’re eating and enjoys the taste and gets on with it. And on you go. But a person with an eating disorder, such as anorexia, when they eat,
they experience high anxiety, extreme thought disturbance, and noise. I want to give you an idea of what that noise sounds like. (Loud chattering voices) And so the person
who has an eating disorder and has had her breakfast, she’s now trying to go to work, she’s trying to go to class. And the noise and the disturbance is acute. She’s trying to hear
her professor through the noise. She’s trying to hear
her employer talk to her, and have an interaction with her. And she’s trying to focus,
through the noise. So, how in the world, if she’s going to have breakfast,
and then she’s supposed to have lunch, and she’s supposed to have dinner too, and the noise continues to be acute, “How can I function, how can I work, how can I have a decent interaction, and a clear focused interaction, and get this project done? How? (Sound of voices stop) Simply by not eating. Because if I don’t eat, Dr Hill, I can then think more clearly. If I don’t eat, Dr Hill, Please just don’t have me eat breakfast,
then I can get this assignment done. Then I’ll eat something,
so then I can go ahead and get something, because you say you’re needing it, but don’t ask me to take that test
and eat breakfast too, Because, if I do, I have to take the test and think through the noise. I have to finish the assignment
and think through the noise. So, what do we do to be able to help a person with anorexia, whose mental noise is so disturbed, yet, they need food? (Voices stop) So, let’s explore what’s going on
in the inside of the brain, so that we can better understand
what that looks like. As we are looking at this research,
we are seeing how the brain fires, through FMRI studies. Now, those are 3D studies,
and it’s not just looking at a picture. The “f “means “functional”. So, they would give the patient a task, while they’re watching
what goes on in the brain and watching the oxygen blood flow. So, when you’re eating, and it comes up from the gut
and the signals get into the brain, the signal moves through
the thalamus right into the insula. And the insula is the part of your brain that gives the indication
of hunger or fullness, “I think I’m a little hungry;
I better have some breakfast.” “Ah, that toast, that tasted good.” The taste and the degree of hunger
comes out of the insula. Right next to the insula is your amygdala, and that’s your alarm system that says, “Anything wrong with the toast?
Okay, then I’ll stay calm, I’ll be quiet.” “Anything wrong with…?
Nope, I’m just alright.” So, amygdala just stays quiet. And then it moves
to the bottom of the striatum, and you’re going
into the pleasure circuit. The pleasure circuit, that dopamine,
goes to a little high angle. “Woo! That was nice;
I’ll have another, hmm, yes!” And so, whenever you make a decision
and you get pleasure from it, you have a little dopamine spike. “So, shall I put jam on it?” I taste it, “Hmm, that was good,
I’ll have some more.” So you get these little pleasure
surges in the dopamine. It’s your brains way,
gut sensation, that says, “Yeah, yum!” And so, then, the front of the brain
begins to start interpreting it: “Well, if you liked it, and the amygdala
is not showing any alarm, let’s move it forward
and let’s have some more.” And then the cortex
starts weighing “Is this good/bad?” And so, “Oh, it tasted good,
I liked the toast. I’m hungry, then I’ll go ahead
and eat it”, says the ACC. Then on we go to the dorsolateral
prefrontal cortex, which is where Carly Simon
sings about anticipation. Only I’m thinking about anticipation
with food, not other areas. So, when we look at anticipation
for the next bite, “I think I could have another one! That’s fine, I’ll have another bite.” And parietal then takes in,
a sense of the brain that looks at, “How am I in relation to those around me?” So, “Oh, I look okay.” So then, you have another bite. “Hmm, that was good” Alright, then have some more. I’ll have another bite, I still look okay. Take a third bite. So, as you’re eating
your toast with your jam, and you’re looking around,
you’re saying, “Isn’t this good? Why can’t she just eat? Why can’t she just enjoy her food? Look, I’ll fix this for you,
I know you’ll like it, It’s really good.” Now, for the person with anorexia. Same brain, same stations. So, we’ve got the insula, but, when that person
takes the bite of the toast, with anorexia, we actually get no signal. None. It’s so flat, there’s no signal
for hunger in the insula. There’s no system or signal for the sense that the hunger
is getting a little worse. So, while their body is starving, and it’s sending signals up, the insula is not getting it. It’s just letting that serotonin
pass right on by, and the serotonin is not registering. So, they can look at you and go, “Oh, no, I’m not hungry; you go ahead.” “How could you not be hungry?” “I’m not hungry”, and they have no signal. They take a bite of toast
to accommodate you, so they’re not feeling like somebody’s
focusing too much on them. They may eat the toast,
and, with that, they may feel the taste. But what we’re finding
is the flatness of the taste. So, it tastes like cardboard. That doesn’t taste so good. So now they’re starting to eat,
but they’re not hungry. They’ve eaten something
and it’s a bit flat. So, amygdala’s getting
a little worried and it’s going, “Well, that causes me a little concern. If you’re not hungry,
or you don’t get any taste from it, how do I know if it’s not
something of concern?” So, the amygdala begins to, literally, start to rev up and get more
and more fearful, a little more panicky. And so, then, we head
to that dopamine area, and will they get
any sense of pleasure? No; dopamine is flat as well. So, the whole gut sensation
is not registering. I get no flavor, I get no sense of hunger and no pleasure
from that bite of toast, even with jam. So then, the front of the brain
is trying to interpret that. “Wait a minute; she didn’t like it?
It was yucky? She’s got no flavor? So woe, woe! I don’t know if I should eat
another bite, just hold back there.” So, the brain is trying to now figure out
and make sense of those lack of signals. So that cortex starts going, “Is it good or bad? Maybe this is bad, maybe this is just bad toast,
maybe this is bad jam. Maybe I shouldn’t just eat it. So okay, I’ll just decide I won’t eat it.” And so now, my dorsal lateral
prefrontal cortex has no idea. “Well, then what am I supposed to eat? Oooh, I don’t know
what I’d do, what I’d do?” The clients tell me over and over: “I don’t know what to do
about the next bite, Dr Hill, I don’t know if I should eat it, I’m literally eating blind
because I do not know what works and what doesn’t work.” And then sitting right back
in that parietal area, where they see a sense
of their own sense of self, we see disturbance that is off the chart. They see themselves, as that food translates into their brain, they see themselves
growing and magnifying. The delusional impact is acute. So, with anorexia there is increased
[thought disturbance]. The moment we start refeeding
to help that person who’s starving, we used to say, “Just eat and you’ll start
to feel better.” I don’t say that anymore. I now say, “You’re going to eat,
and it’s going to be painful. When you eat, it’s not going
to feel good or think good. Because as we try to help refeed you, you’re going to have
increased disturbed thoughts, while your weight is restoring. And it’s going to be miserable. You’re going to have increased
disturbed thoughts, even when you restore your weight, and you may have that
for a good period of time, and for some, that volume
of noise never comes down, and in other cases the volume comes down.” So the person with anorexia
thinks and feels worse when they’re at a normal weight. They hit the normal weight, and all your friends
are coming around, going, “Oh, you look so good, you look well!” And they are literally living in the noise and the disturbance and the pain of a normal healthy-sized body. So, it makes sense why relapse has been so high. Because by not eating, I can deaden that pain,
and get back to work. If you start re-framing food, for you,
food is socializing, joy, pleasure. But for a person with anorexia, it’s like the insulin to the diabetes: it’s medicine. Just, “I need to take my medicine,
and I’ve got some side-effects from it. I have to eat my food.” So we have been testing
and working in collaboration, and exploring new
research in the sense of: can we bring the volume
down of that noise? So maybe we need to pre-plan the food, pre-dose it, and prescribe it, so that they know exactly
what they’re going to eat into. So when you’re going somewhere
with a friend who has anorexia you say, just like with a person with diabetes, “Do you have your insulin?
Do you have your food? Do you have a plan?
Do you have your food?” And so if they know what they’re taking, and they know the amount, and they know and potentially practiced
eating some of that food over and over, the clients report
that the noise comes down. It may not go away, but then I can hear and function and interact and get through it. “So I am realizing
that using the same meal plan is not part of the disease”, one of the clients said. “It’s actually part of the cure.” One father got it. He got it beautifully. He said, “Okay, Dr Hill,
spontaneity is out, planning is in.” I said, “Exactly.” And so they planned, because there was going to be
a big holiday gathering and they were going to go
to a restaurant together. And the client worked
with the eating disorder dietitian, she went, she knew exactly
what she was going to order, the amount she was going to order, but she also decided, just in case,
she would take her lunchbox with her backup meal-plan, just like you take your insulin,
when you need to take it along as well. Mom, dad – everybody knew – aunts, uncles. She was so nervous, she didn’t want people
focusing and watching her, she was just trying
to be like everybody else and be at this gathering
at the restaurant. So the waitress is going around,
and she said, “What would you like?” And the father leaned back
to let his daughter order, and she had it all down,
and she said, “I’d like this and this.” The waitress said, “Oh I’m sorry, honey,
we’re all out of that.” She froze. Wasn’t sure what to do,
she hadn’t plannned The father looked up and said, “You know,
would you give us a minute, please?” “Oh, okay!” So the waitress went away and he said,
“Alright, you can’t eat that, this isn’t here,
so, do you have your lunch?” “Yeah, Dad, but I don’t want
to make a big scene.” “It’s all right, just get out your lunch.” And he called the waitress over and goes, “You know, my daughter has a reaction
to some of the foods on this menu. She’s brought some things
she’s going to eat. We’re all going go continue to order.” (Sigh of relief) The whole family ordered,
they all had fun, they all interacted, and her noise could stay low enough
as she ate her meal-plan in order to enjoy the interaction
as much as she could. So, when we look at the prognosis, what’s going to happen as the future
is revealed in the sense of science, and what direction we’re going
with anorexia and eating disorders? And with anorexia, some may be able
to stabilize, and hold onto that. We’re seeing that especially
when it’s adolescents, and that brain wires forward, and the longer they hold
to that meal-plan and get it stabilized, the noise can actually wire out, calm goes, and as long as they stay
within those safe boundaries, a person can move on in recovery. So, there are some
with anorexia that will recover, and some that will learn to manage. And there is a sub-part
that will remain accurately ill. This is a visual replication
of what I think of with anorexia. The title of it is, “Three kinds of lines, in a continuance.” We got your carbs,
your proteins, your fats, and very specific dose levels, over and over and over and over. Or is this art? An Italian renaissance piece
with multiple kinds of lines, clear image of what the image is. So is a meal only a meal unless it is drawn out,
filled with variety, and has all kinds of fresh
and different types of foods? Or can a meal for some
be something to get you through to get on to enjoy life? Now when I was getting ready
to prepare for this, something that I experienced
was a great deal of anxiety, and I told my patients
that I was very nervous. And they said to me, “Dr Hill, if you go up and you share
with them our voices, and you tell them what it’s like for us, we’re going to be here
standing on the stage with you, and let you know
that we’re here with you.” So, they’re here with me. And together while
we struggle through the meal, let’s help them get on
with the act of living. As Helen Keller said it, “The world is full of struggling
and it’s full of overcoming it.” Thank you. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “Eating Disorders from the Inside Out: Laura Hill at TEDxColumbus.

  1. This presentation was alright. It is always good to get more attentions to ED's and know that is is not about food. However, she made it sound as if the anorexic brain is chemically different than a "normal" person's. In my anorexia, I still got hunger cues, though i worked hard to suppress them. I still enjoyed food, though i hated to admit it. And as someone else on the thread said, my ind was never quiet. Even if not eating, i was still thinking about food- when i would eat, how many hours until i could eat, counting calories from the past day 10-20 times obsessively.

  2. I suffered from anorexia and excersize addiction and it gave me heart problems and I still couldn't stop starving or obsessively exercising the Drs. tried antianxiety pills but those turned me into a zombie and someone I didn't recognize I couldn't think through the medication dog and it made my problems worse. But then I was prescribed marijuana and my life changed. I can eat without guilt and am still skinny but healthy the noise in my head was silenced and I learned to savor and enjoy food I ate. I got my need to excersize under control and my hair is healthy and shiny again. It worked. I'm healed and there's no fog. I'm me again. Two of my friends are dead because they had no access to legal marijuana and were prescribed these hard core meds that made them worse so they stopped taking them and died from complications. There is hope it's just the government and big pharma that want you to buy their over the top expensive pills. If your suffering please try some for yourself. You can't overdose there's no addiction to some med you're prescribed. Marijuana saved my life. Give it a chance to save yours.

  3. I had bulimia about two years ago, and I think Doctor Hill is very correct in saying that recovery is so difficult. seeing weight come back on is so hard, you want to pinch and slice off all the fat. you know its good for you, but at the same time, it is the hardest thing emotionally. I'm not going to say I have developed a positive body image, but understanding that it eating disorders are an illness, not just a habit, is so important for everyone.

  4. If I only could tell how many times I've skipped go to school because those noises at my head. Twelve years hearing them… it has not been easy to live.

  5. That was a great lecture. I have known a beautiful young woman who could have been a cat walk model. But she was anorexic.she just couldn't see what we could. Now I get it. Thank you.

  6. Okay what if the so called drive to refrain from eating actually comes from feeling physiologically bad? As in, you face food intolerance issues? Yes, that? People in the U.S. have to relearn how to eat because of exposure to this Standard Stupid American Diet. It's processed junk that can make you feel kind of bad. Gee, just check out the skyrocketing rates of diabetes from the chronic excessive sugar exposure. No wonder people face food anxiety if they're experimenting for whatever reason. Who wants to feel crappy? Not me. This country faces a disordered food climate. How about addressing that?

  7. Dr. Hill, thank you for teaching about eating disorders in a way that helps the public truly understand that EDs are an illness.

  8. This video was shown to my mom while I was at the Emily program and it created a whole new understanding of an eating disorder so that she could help me through this illness. I'm so thankful for this video

  9. This woman has made me cry. I have suffered from anorexia for five years now, I've learnt to live with that second voice inside of me, but there are several days that eating feels like a war, and people just wouldn't understand. If only someone knew how much anxiety I felt (and I still feel) from "going out of my confort zone" with food, recovery would be way easier and no one would say "you just have to be more flexible, that's all". It's not that easy.
    (Sorry for my bad English)

  10. This was a powerful, creative and educational presentation. You were the voice for so many who struggle with this condition. I could feel it in the last words you spoke. Your clients were standing on stage with you. Even though I am not anorexic, I struggle with some of the thoughts you described and am grateful for your compassionate and innovative perspective. Thank you.

  11. I thank Dr Hill… I've been struggling so much for the past year, and now I have hope and direction to what should I do to get functional again… the ending was so emotional. she's amazing. God bless her.

  12. Heya, The best fat loss that I have ever had was with Zoes bikini plan (i found it on google) Without a doubt the most incredible diet that I have ever tried.

  13. I cant explain how well you capture what i'm feeling right now … i'm planning on showing this to my friends because they don't understand this and i think this will help

  14. Love this video! The description of trying to accomplish things through the intense noise in the mind is what I have had trouble trying to explain for so so long. Just wish those close to me would watch this, it might just help to provide a little of piece of insight.

  15. cant they fukin force feed themselves… rather than thinking too much of bloody signals…i forced myself to eat twice now …yes force feeding,, to gain weight ,.

  16. My bmi right now is 13.5 and I'm 5'5. It's been a 9 year struggle with anorexia and this video truly helped me understand the disorder and I am so thankful for Dr. Hill. I will not allow myself to become a statistic. I will recover. I can't live like this anymore.

  17. only problem is you can't tell someone who is in denial of their disorder to "take their meds" because they believe they don't have a problem so they feel don't need to take their medication

  18. If you're comparing them to type 1 diabetics don't day 'some stabilise and don't need medication anymore.' That's diabetes type 2. Type 1 can't be cured right now.

  19. I've had an ED for 37 yrs. I don't think there is recovery for me. I just deal with it day by day. I am tired of the noise!

  20. It's very very very common for medicos to interpret neuroscience so as to fit their preconceived narrative; and ignore how behavior effects neural plasticity. One fact medicos such as Laura Hill overlook is that anorexia was not a common or underdiagnosed condition 40 years ago. It is also overlooked that it is a disease that expresses in affluent families.

    One thing families of anorexics share in common is that they allow their anorexic teen daughters the free time and resources to lead a sedentary life, to stay up late at night, and to sleep in.

    Physical activity is one of the most powerful inputs to calm a disturbed mind, normalize sleep, and appetite.
    I am a health pro and have never seen an anorexic rehab program that focuses on compulsory activity, lights and internet out early evening, and compulsory hour of arising.

    I often think any girl showing anorexic tendencies would be best sent off to boot camp to lead a regimented life with others doing the same, away from their overly progressive parents.
    But it is unlikely to happen when the professions are dominated by elites who don't know how to turn girls into responsible women, and medicos continue to sell the message that "doctor knows best".

  21. This is wrong. It's a nice theory, but no.
    Anorexics DO want to eat, they DO taste food, they DO feel hungry and know when they're hungry. It's just that you aren't allowed to have it.
    You're just not allowed.
    If you try, you'll lose it. Awful panic attacks. Which is embarrassing. Mortifying. So you don't try- at least not ever in front of people.
    You hide from the food, because it's torture to be so hungry and have it in front of you.

  22. Anorexics DO get hungry and taste things the same way, I'm an anorexic and I'm constantly thinking about cheesecake and OMG Creme brulee and sushi 😍

  23. Wait, I'm really sorry if this has nothing to do with the video but is this the "Laura Hill" the pianist from "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

  24. Doctors didn't help me . They just look at it from a black and white perspective , "so when you eat , you think you're fat?" – well yes and no. Doctors and my team were just useless really . If you want to recover ,you have to want it . ITS AN ON GOING BATTLE . You can do it. Seek help however for some sort of support but do not go solelly off what Your team say most of them have no idea and have not experienced any sort of eating disorder themselves . Have support but pretty much all of the work comes down to you . They are there to help you but you must be strong enough to do it even if they fail you .

  25. I wonder what that internal voice sounds like for someone with something like schizophrenia. Probably not even on the same planet.

  26. This was so accurate !!! That is what it feels like and sounds like in your head literally when I was anorexic. My grades started plummiting. Couldn't maintain relationships.

  27. This is very helpful as a general introduction for those who do not suffer from ED to be able to understand what goes on in the minds of those who do. With this information, it helps us at least know how to interact with those with ED. She is very kind. She is purposely dealing primarily with the physical symptoms in the few minutes allowed for a TED Talk. I loved this talk and respect her for the introductory information she sincerely provides for non-EDs concerned about those with life-threatening EDs. It is very painful to watch people with ED suffer, so this level of info is great.

  28. I have suffered from "mild" anorexia, and EDNOS and I completely agree with her The problem is that I have had to deal with unsympathetic colleagues and family. I wish my family would be like the family she mentioned .

  29. No, it doesn't have a biological basis. It has an interrelational and psychological basis. Yes, this basis changes the brains chemical and neurological functioning as the illness progresses.

  30. Weed helped me to get the hunger signal back again after a while, and it also lowered the noices and let them fade to the background slow but steady. For a while it wasn't healthy how much weed I smoked, but in the end it saved me from something way worse.

  31. Despite not knowing to which extent I agree with the biological segment, I believe this is an extremely powerful and accurate talk. Not only because it provides insight to a disorder which is generally misconcieved but also because it gives importance to the emotional and cognitive experiences that the people who suffer from EDs deal with constantly in our lives. I was absoluteley mesmerised to see Dr Hill describe the suffering as accurately as she did without actually having felt it in her own skin. I can only imagine that this knowledge comes from a very long and strong relationship with the people she's come to know over the years as their doctor. Thank you for helping our voices be spread.

  32. What kind of doctor is this woman? This is an over simplification of diabetes, because 90% of diabetes have Type 2 diabetes with insulin resistance not a lack of insulin. It is also an over simplification of eating disorders, most eating disorders are not anorexia nervosa. In order of occurrence is first binge eating disorder, then bulimia and finally anorexia nervosa. Most people with an eating disorder are obsessed by food.

  33. She's not inaccurate about the noise. There's definitely an overwhelming sense of anxiety, at pretty much a 24/7 constant state, that gets heightened even more so when you have to make a decision about eating. But her speech gave me anxiety and i rarely experience anxiety at all anymore. Recovered. I don't think the focus should be on treating the disease, rather they need to be treating that person themselves. Their mental state and where this stems from. But kudos for this ted talk!

  34. I'd love to see/hear Laura Hill do the same presentation on our brains on bulimia. Enlightening presentation! Thank You!!!

  35. Interesting! She is describing it like a mental illness. I really makes me wonder what else could be going on. Thyroid(poorly tested in medicine), food sensitivities or allergies, histimine intolerance, mineral deficiencies, poor gi health and so on. She is describing symptoms and she is right, it's biological. I am skeptical of mental illness at this point in my life. I know it happens and people's experiences are real, but there is often a cause in the body. I noticed from comments not everyone has the same experience.

  36. I'm so thankful for Dr. Hill….I'm hoping to use this video to explain to my parents what I have been going through for 40+ years…like so many that don't know this…but they say if you are, then why do you do this….why don't you eat…you have to think about my daughter…etc This explains so much!

  37. Thank you Dr. Laura Hill. I am a 50 year old with EDNOS A-typical Anorexia. I am struggling to explain what it's like to have to overcome something invisible. You brought the voices to life. I appreciate you bringing more awareness to the subject of Eating Disorders and hope that research continues to help the general public understand something they cannot see. Unlike a broken arm, it's hard to see an ED and have compassion for what goes on inside the head and the body when someone is starving to stay sane. Thank you for bringing that vision to life.

  38. Absolutely no basis. So sorry to be exposed to such hilarious assumptions. This is a psychological issue turning physical not vice versa. Intolerable and offensive.

  39. So spot on with the "thoughts" that are on autoplay. I could not have shared it better. Being someone who's struggled with anorexia off and on since I was 13 it is so true (am 26 now). Not eating keeps the voice down, but the flip side are all the symptoms of hunger that make life hard. Very interesting. Thanks!

  40. Namaste … so much more known, shared & expressed than 40+ years back for me … much gratitude … I can relate to soooo much <3

  41. I would skip meals because I was not hungry or I just did not want to eat in front of others. People would ask if I was on a diet, I would say no because I didn't think of it as that. I just thought I wasn't hungry and that it was okay not to eat for that reason. I did care about how my body looked. But, would my case be a case of anorexia? Simply because I did not eat normally? I never considered that I might have been.

  42. I actually like this presentation. The problem with it is, that it's not applicable to all sufferers of anorexia. For some this is accurate, for many it's not,

  43. I love this video. I always thought I was crazy or something because that inner critic is something I struggle with every moment. My boyfriend and I watched it together and it gave both of us a new understanding of what i'm going through. Thank you Laura Hill!

  44. Such a top video – lots of fact – the average person doesn’t understand the complexity of this illness- excellent information here

  45. I feel like she should have talked about diet culture and fatphobia in our society and health care system. It’s hard to recover in a society that makes the noises louder and okay

  46. Thank you Dr. Hill I'm a diagnosed bulimic, and I just shared this vidwith my daddy and my man. I want them to understand, that story of the father brought tears as it brings hope in my recovery. Lots of love.

  47. It feels good to be hungry. I love feeling empty. It makes me feel lighter. Makes me feel like I’m strong and in control.

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