Dr. Becky Bailey – Anger – Coach kids through it!

Mom! Mom. That’s it. I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher! You
wouldn’t believe what she did today. You would not believe. Mom. Look, Mom. I hate her. I hate her.
I’m listening, I’m listening.
Everyone. She picks on everyone.
Yeah, yeah, I’m listening honey. Um, you know what? Could you…
Do you want to know what she did?! Honey… What about Marcus? What about Marcus? Do you remember the other day?
Yeah, I remember Marcus. Here take this. Here. Just, here, go ahead, just start drying.
What? What?
Whatever. You don’t need to have that… Honey, just give me the dish then. Give me the dish. Alright. Good. Okay. Mom. Mom. I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher!
You do not come in here this way. You do not come in here yelling at me! What do you think you’re doing?! Hang that up. Hang that up right now. This is ridiculous. I’ve had it with your mouth. I have had it with your mouth.
But mom!
You want me to do this again? No.
You pick that up. You pick that up right now!
You pick this up! Mom! Mom! I hate my teacher! I hate my teacher! I absolutely hate my teacher. You would not believe what she did to Marcus, you wouldn’t believe what she did to me. Listen, you like your teacher. She’s nice, honey. You like your teacher.
Do you know what she did to Marcus? Do you care what she did to Marcus?
No, it doesn’t matter what she did to Marcus, honey, you know, you’re good at school. You’re a good student, sweetie. You’re a good student. You like her and you’re good at school.
You’re a nice person, sweetheart, you’re a nice person. So you just have to remember that.
Remember how you’re a nice person and you like people.
Yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah. Yeah. You want a little snack? Want me to get you a snack?
Okay. Okay let’s just have, I’m
sure I’ve got some ice cream in the fridge. How about that?
Okay. That’d be good. Thank you mom. Here you go, sweetie, here, you know what, I’ll just get you a spoon. Here you go. Enjoy.
I can have the whole thing? Of course. Of course. It’s better now, isn’t it? It feels better now, doesn’t it? Mom! Mom!
What? What happened? I hate my teacher!
What did she do? What did she do?
You wouldn’t believe what she did! You know what she did to Marcus first?
First, she wrote his name on the board and she sends him out of the room and then you know what she did to me? She humiliated me in front of the whole class!
She is not getting away with this. She is not going to get away with this.
She shouldn’t! You know what? I’m calling her right now. You call her! Mom, do something. She was horrible. You
know what she said to me? She said I was stupid.
No, I can’t wait! She said I was stupid.
She said you… You know what we’re taking you out of that school.
In front of the class! In front of the class! I’m going to call. We’re getting you out of that school, honey. We are going to get you out of that school. We are going to make this better for
you. Nobody treats my girl that way. Oh mom, thank you, thank you.
You’re welcome. I’m the one that you love. I’m the one
that takes care of you. Yes. You’re the best. You’re the best. I know. I am the best.
Thank you.
And we have a test tomorrow. Oh, I’ll help you do it.
Well if I don’t have to go, I don’t have to do it. Oh that’s right.
Yeah, we don’t even need her. Mom! Mom! You wouldn’t believe it. I hate my teacher!
I hate my teacher! You would not believe what she did to me
today. You wouldn’t believe what she did to Marcus. Yes and you’re going to tell me. Take a deep breath.
But, mom, okay, mom. Okay. But I’ve got to tell you. Okay. Okay. Okay. She calls us up in front of the school, right up at the front of the board, and she has us do these problems. Marcus goes up first, you know, of course everybody laughs. They’re always laughing at Marcus. So he walks up there, then he left and I’m like I’m not going, I’m not going, I put my head down and you know what she did? She called on me anyway. She calls on me, I go up there, I work the problem, and right in front of everybody she says, “Well you didn’t get it right. You’re not working hard enough.”
Oh, yeah. And you were hoping she would
really understand how hard that was for you. You were hoping that she would
understand that you were really taking a risk to go up there. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean that was scary to walk up in front of everybody.
It is scary. It is scary to walk up there. And you know math isn’t my strong thing.
Yeah, yeah and it would have been
so much more helpful if she had been able to really give you
that encouragement, that confidence and yet, you did handle it.
Yeah I did.
Yeah, you did handle it. You got through it.
Yeah, and you know, nobody laughed. At least Marcus.
Yeah, we’ll work on that, too. We’ll work on you might be helpful to Marcus, too. Right now, what might be helpful to you?
What might be helpful to you right now and then we’ll work on what might be
helpful to you the next time she calls on you and you don’t know what to do. Okay so right now, I just kind of, want to go
outside and walk around a little bit.
Okay. Yeah because that’s one of the ways…
But I do need help with math.
You know what. I’m feeling your hands and I can feel that you’re really tense. Yeah, you’re still frustrated, you’re still
feeling frustrated so take a walk outside, we’ll work on the
math, sounds like a plan and then you know what we’re going to do, too? When that moment comes when you’re
sitting at your desk, what is it that will help you? We’ll find that. Okay. Alright, alright, I’m going outside. See you, mom! Oh, honey, your pack.
Okay, I’m going to drop that over here.
See you a little bit later!

24 thoughts on “Dr. Becky Bailey – Anger – Coach kids through it!

  1. validating feelings FTW!

    People (me included) can be so quick to dismiss or deny negative feelings of any sort (angry, sad, scared, etc), but it always backfires. Acknowledge the anger, its source, and show some understanding – as simple as "you look angry – he ripped your paper? – you worked so hard on that! I feel angry when my work is broken, too." Doing that can make proceeding to a solution so much easier.

    the hardest one is sadness – sometimes it seems like it makes things worse.

  2. I want to say Thankyou I took the parenting class and started using the tools in my home. I'm very proud of myself it is working.

  3. Seeing the "saving" skit made me realize that is how my mother was my entire childhood. It was a normal thing for me and I never recognized it as being an unhealthy way of dealing with my anger/problems. This was very helpful in seeing how to properly handle that kind of situation.

  4. This is good, but I have nothing to go on, because I didn't tell when I had a problem. And it wasn't because I was afraid of my parents, I have awesome parents.

  5. I was looking and looking for this exact type of modeling video to help the complex families I work with–one that mirrors our behaviour back at us to recognize what not to do/catch ourselves and then shift into what to do, practically. From one therapist to another, brilliantly done. I will be showing this video right this afternoon in a parenting session!

  6. Hi. Very good stuff. I liked the Coaching part, but I would add one thing. When the daughter comes in all agitated, I would have her first stomp, or growl, or clench up and FEEL (and release) the anger energy in her body. This accomplishes a few things at once: 1) it builds rapport between parent and child, as mom 'gets' that daughter is angry, 2) it builds "Emotional Responsibility" showing the daughter that SHE is responsible for her anger… she created it (with her angry thoughts) and she (and only she) can do something with it, and about it, and 3) it allows her to release the anger energy from her body, also relieving the stress, tension and agitation she feels, and allowing her poor body to relax, and heal.

    Thanks for helping people/kids/parents understand how to handle their emotions!

  7. This video was very helpful! I’m learning just HOW strongly I have been programmed! This is SO difficult for me, but I’m working everyday!

  8. My classroom as well as my home life have improved tremendously since I have implemented conscious discipline. As I watch the video I saw my mother and I in so many different interactions during my childhood… I am so grateful for Becky Bailey and her team. I made a conscious change that will positively impact the rest of my adult life and the early years of hundreds of children. Wow for all of us who are lucky enough to be enlightened!

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