Hey everybody, it’s finally Friday. I’m about to hit the road a’running and let the good times roll. Actually, I’m ready to sleep. I’m tired. But enough about me. Okay, I’m on Facebook cause it’s Facebook Friday. And, I have four questions. And I have a journal topic. So thank you all for sending in your journal topics. A lot of you who may not have a question that you want answered have journal topics. So, thank you for sharing them, because it’s wonderful because then some of them you’re like “Wow, this really worked for me” and then we get to share it with everybody else. And so that’s really cool. Without further ado, the first question is actually about me, kind of It says #KatiFAQ “Hey Kati, my question is do you ever want children? And if so, when that time comes, what are you going to say to your clients? What if it triggers them? Just curious, hope that’s not too personal and feel free to avoid this.” Well I didn’t. I walked into it head on. So, do I ever want children? The honest truth is that I never did. And I still don’t know if I do… I don’t know. It’s interesting because I was a nanny for ever and ever and a day. And I babysat and I did all that stuff, and so I think for me I know what being a mother entails and I don’t want to half-ass it. Like, I want to be really involved and I want to be there I know too much about developmental stuff too, like, I’m my own worst enemy with it. So, I always thought, and even when Sean and I were together and when we were getting married we’re like “No, we don’t want kids.” And just recently I’ve thought, you know, I think it has to do with the fact that I love Sean so much and I look at him and think he’d be such a great dad, and he’s so patient with things and he’s such a great teacher and it’d be nice. And so, I’m warming up to the idea. But don’t get too excited, because I don’t think… I don’t know. It’s still undecided. But, if I did, okay so let’s say I did. What would I say to my clients and what if it triggers them? It’s actually something that, as a therapist, you have to consider because some patients, a lot of therapists see patients who are trying to conceive, and so it can be really triggering for them to see you all of a sudden get to have a baby like “Why are you having a baby?” And I, as a therapist, the way that I work is more of what we call experiential therapy. Which means we’re in an experience together. This is real, this is happening now. And I wouldn’t talk so much about me, because therapy’s not about me. When my clients come to see me it’s about them. So when they would ask or say something about it, “You’re getting bigger, or you’re getting pregnant and I’m having trouble getting pregnant” or whatever it is. Or “You’re leaving me because you’re going to go on maternity leave,” right? We would just talk about it, it would be an open discussion. Yes, I’m pregnant. I’m due around this time, what that means is this. Can you tell me what about it is upsetting to you so much? Or what is it that’s got you so worked up about it, and how can we work through it? So that’s really how I would deal with it. I know for many of you out there you have therapists who have been pregnant, or are pregnant or are on maternity leave, or just came back, and we’re people too, right? We have a life too. And I think the more we’re open to talking about it with you Not about sharing the dirty deets about it, cause that’s not you’re business, right? It’s about you. It’s not about us. So, I would start talking about it, bring it up with your therapist. Explain why you’re so upset about it and what you think you can do to make it better, okay? Question number two: “Is there any way to get therapy/help for any issues without that going on your medical record? I worry that if I seek any help that certain careers may be restricted to me if they attempt to detain me/admit me without my consent. A close friend keeps threatening to make me see someone.” That’s a really good question and the reason why I answered is because that worries a lot of people. And that especially worries business people. When we get older, some people who are like, owners of businesses or CEOs or VPs of companies, they worry like “Oh my gosh, if they find out what’s going to happen?” And to be truthful, the only way to keep it off your records is to pay cash and not go through insurance. Because things get written down and kept in records when you go through insurance because it has to and we have to give you a diagnosis. If you work with a therapist and you let them know, you know “I just don’t want any record of this” or whatever, there’s really no other way if you’re using insurance they’re going to have to, and they’re going to tell you, “I have to put things on paper, I have to tell them.” And we’ll have to keep our own records for our own legal and ethical issues, but it definitely won’t come out. And you’re records are always safe and secure for you. The only thing that they could ever look up for a job and ever discriminate, because they can’t discriminate against you, right? Using your medical history. That would be illegal and unethical. But the only way that they could ever find anything out is if you have a police record. So if you’ve done anything, if you have any misdemeanors or felonies on your record, then you’re in trouble. So think about that before you make any bad decisions. But as far as your mental health, it’s your private record, they’re not going to be able to open it up and look so don’t worry about your careers being shut off. Although, I just am thinking, sorry, as I continue to think about this I know that people who want to be in the Army or Navy Seals and stuff like that, then you’re going to have to let them see all of your records. If any of you know any other careers that have asked for that, let me know because there’s certain things that I’m just not privy to or I haven’t had a client talk to me about. I did have a client, however, who didn’t make it in to one of the kind of Army-like situations and she was really devastated and it was because of mental health issues, So, just something to be aware of, okay? And if you pay cash and you don’t go through insurance then there’s no records. Okay, question number three, “Hey Kati, #KatiFAQ is it possible for the reason for our eating disorder to change? I started not eating in order to be in control of my Fibromyalgia pain, but now I feel like it’s about weight too, even though it never was before. Also, I recently went to the doctor and she told me to start yoga or some kind of physical activity so I did and it’s really helped with the pain, but it’s made my eating disorder worse because I’m obsessing about weight more, etc. Is there one I should care more about than the other? I’m in therapy but I don’t like my therapist, so that hasn’t been working out so well.” Oh, I’m sorry. “If you could even just answer one of my questions that’d be great.” Yes. The reason for our eating disorder can shift. Eating disorders are like chameleons, or play dough. They mold and they shape and, maybe they ooze? I don’t think so. But they change according to what’s going on with us. And the reasons we may need it can change over time. Like, it may have started because we were abused, and then it may have morphed into, you know, “My dad started drinking more and then I got really stressed out and I had no other place to turn and so I started doing this instead and using eating this way,” because it’s a coping skill and so it’ll work and change to help meet our needs and help us feel more relaxed and more, I guess, coped? And just ease our anxiety and our depression or whatever? So yes, it can happen. And it happens a lot. And it will happen over the course of you struggling. Even in recovery, it will try to morph even again, so keep your eye on it and don’t let it get away with it. And the second part, “Is there one I should care more about than the other?” I would be honest with your physician because they should be able to manage both your Fibromyalgia pain and your eating disorder. It should be something that you can actually work together Like, you should have a full treatment team who’s aware of both struggles and they can help you work through them both. If you should do yoga and it really helps the pain, maybe you should do like, half a yoga. Like a really low energy, low impact yoga, so that it helps with the pain but it’s not feeding your eating disorder. And then maybe, you know, you should spend a little time on my eating disorder workbook that’s free on my website, and stuff like that. As well as making sure that your pain is manageable and you talk to your doctor about how that’s going. I think there’s a way that we can work it. So be honest with your team, be open with your team, and that actually would be a great segue into our journal topic. Why didn’t I do that as the last question? But anyway. Question number four: “Do therapists get frustrated with a client who’s not feeling like they want to move on in recovery? Like the person from Wednesday,” (When I said about resistance) “I am better in my eating disorder/self harm than I used to be but I’m still not fully recovered and I’m hesitant to move forward with recovery and I’m often so worried that my therapist is secretly frustrated and resents my reluctance. Is it true or am I thinking about it too much?” We don’t get frustrated. The thing that I want you all to say to yourselves when you think “Oh my gosh, my therapist is going to hate me, they’re going to resent me, they’re really angry, they’re frustrated” “They’re going to be disappointed, they’re shocked, they’re worried, they’re…” This is a totally different type of relationship. The relationship you have with your therapist survives on honesty and openness. Because we trust you to share what you need to share with us and we will work with you the best we can to keep you moving forward. And if right now you’re just feeling really, you’re just having a hard time even thinking about recovery and you’re just struggling and you’re feeling like you’re resisting and you think that we’re upset about it, we’re not upset about it. We’re trying to think about what other things can we ask you, how else can we move you along? And the more you share, like, “Hey I’m just feeling really resistant to moving forward, I know I’ve come a long way, but I just feel like I’m stuck in this plateau,” whatever it is. Start talking about it and the more we talk about it, to be honest, the easier it will be for you. And we don’t have emotional attachment to your progress. It’s emotional attachment to you and our relationship and the way we’re working together. And yes, we have goals and we’re going to want you to meet goals and we’re going to push you. We’re going to be, you know, a little bit difficult, but that’s the great thing about a relationship like that. So, don’t worry about it, we don’t get upset like that, we just want what’s best for you, okay? The journal topic! It’s a quote that someone shared with me and I was like, “This is amazing”. It says: “Speak up, be heard, if you don’t say a word everything will stay the same.” Speak up, reach out, share these videos, right? We’re breaking through the stigma. We’re talking about things that people don’t want to talk about, that they’re embarrassed of and that they’re worried that people are going to judge them. But the more we talk about things, the less power it holds over our heads. And if you’re going to a doctor, you’re going to a therapist, you’re going to anybody in your treatment team Speak up! Tell them what’s going on. Tell them you’re upset, tell them you’re struggling, tell them whatever. Because the more we speak up, the more things will change, and for the better. So don’t be afraid to use that beautiful voice of yours to be heard. Get help! And with that, I am off to dinner with my very handsome husband. And it’s finally Friday! So I’ll see you all on Monday. What’s the video about? You’ll have to subscribe so you don’t miss it! So don’t forget to subscribe. I’ll see you all then. And on Tuesday I’ll be on Tumblr. Okay, bye!