Dealing with your anger as a parent

– Hello, and welcome to
this month’s Maggie Moment. As a parent, there are gonna be days when you wanna shut yourself in the toilet and wonder why you
started having children, because it’s really hard work. There are gonna be days when
you have no patience left. And that’s when we have
these moments as a parent that we sometimes shout way louder, or we just don’t even
listen to our children, and we get really frustrated
’cause they can’t do what we told them to do yesterday. So today I want to talk to you about what do I do, as a parent,
when I’m finding myself getting really, really angry and unreasonably frustrated
with my children, regardless of age. So this can happen with toddlers and right through to adolescence. The first thing I want
to suggest to you is making some time to
really pause in your life and go, how overloaded is my life? ‘Cause one of the things I’m finding is today’s parents have had
some of their quiet time stolen by their handhelds,
by their phones, and by work creeping
into their family life. So they’ve actually got less time to invest in their children. And of course they’re trying
to get ahead at work sometimes, so that one often steals time. You’re more stressed already. So the more stressed we are, the closer we are to
our own tipping points. So then, is that our children’s fault? No, it’s not. We need to take some
responsibility to create moments where we calm ourselves down. And I can just hear some of you say, You’ve got any idea what
I’ve gotta do in my house? So, I’ve written a whole book about why calmness is important in our
children’s lives and our homes. I want you to start with
some really small things and that is just, once
again, breathe more. Sigh more often. Every now and then take a cup of tea, or, maybe, the odd glass of wine outside and sit outside away from the chaos and allow your nervous
system to settle a little. What other way you have, if you’re struggling with this a lot, I really recommend you
go and join a class. Go do some yoga, some tai
chi, something or other that actually is a really significant chunk of relaxation that allows your body to come into a calmer state. We do know when we’re
really stressed we tend to eat the wrong foods, and
we stop doing the exercise that is good for our bodies. So look at how could I get my kids out doing some more exercise in the fresh air that might be good for all
of us at the same time. And then underneath all
that, be really realistic. Have I got realistic expectations of my children at times? Or am I expecting too much, too soon? And that’s another one that I want you to pause sometimes and have
some thought around. And then underneath all of this, some of you are going
to be calling what we, you’re reacting to
something that’s happening that is actually not really happening. In other words, whatever
happened when we were children in our primary families,
can sometimes be the trigger for your irrational anger and frustration. And I really suggest
you go and have a chat to someone professionally, and see if you can work
through some of the things that come up spontaneously
and unconsciously, rather than what is conscious. Because that will allow you
to respond to your children rather than react to them. We all love our kids, we love ’em more than we
can absolutely describe, but there are days that
it just gets really hard and we become unreasonable human beings. Please, don’t beat yourself up. But I want you to have
a little consideration. What is it that’s driving my
irrational anger at the moment, and what steps can I take
to become a calmer parent? So if that’s had anything
interesting or useful for you, maybe you might make a comment, or you might share some other ideas that have worked for you. And I hope something in there is just what you needed
to hear this month. Until next time, that’s all for now.

14 thoughts on “Dealing with your anger as a parent

  1. have totally devoured almost all of your videos Maggie, thanks for creating these Maggie moments. I absolutely love your philosohpy and Im disappointed that I wont be able to make it to your upcoming Brisbane seminar! xx

  2. You are so eloquent! Thank you for being here for us parents that feel overwhelmed sometimes. I'll be sticking around for awhile. I look forward to more!

  3. Both of my parents had anger issues and took it out on me and my siblings. I'd rather die than go through living in an abusive household again. It's truly living hell.

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