100 thoughts on “Dealing with the anger after narcissistic abuse

  1. Thank you for this information. The idea of getting angry is so scary. My whole life I have felt like and had consequences if I ever did get angry. So, I would keep everything within which lead to deep depression. The thought of going there is terrifying however I see if I am to move forward I must meet my anger. I am sick of being depressed and a push over. This video is extremely timely as I just let go of my narcissistic boyfriend…. I have been in several narcissistic relationships and much anger towards them and more so against myself for not showing up for myself. Other people's feelings are not more important than mine. I am so angry and will embrace this concept of allowing myself the gift of anger. Man, I MATTER ❤

  2. This is useful. I notice I am getting angry with my narcissist now and while that is good, I notice I am being snipey with strangers as well. I find myself walking down the street having a onesided discussion with myself as I tell him how horrible he was. Conversations I know will never happen! I need to focus the anger on moving forward, its giving me a lot of energy, I just need to focus it in the right place.

  3. use skills to distract yourself from that feeling youre stuck in (anger) with e.g. smelling on ammoniak, a very sour bonbon, hitting your bed etc. But first by distancing yourself

  4. Misplaced anger????? MISSEDPLACED ANGER??? Are you fucking serious.

    When a narcissists abuses you it is a BIG DEAL. They do, DO IT INTENTIONALLY. And it is certainly is PERSONAL .

    Do not listen to this woman she’s exactly what is wrong with the world. The world that believes evil doesn’t exist. Wicked people are just misunderstood and everyone is a good person at heart. Narcissists ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE!!!!!!


    Your anger is a natural response and it protects you. It stops you from accepting abuse. It forces you to tell people who aren’t good for you to Fuck off and aslong as your angry you’ll never allow those people or any people with those tendencies to get near you.
    You won’t accept them into your life.

    To deal with this type of anger you must first accept it. I would beat myself up for being angry and that would make me depressed because I felt I was lost if I wasn’t ok with the abuse.
    If the abuse still bothered me it made me a “bad victim” a “bitter person” but now I’m at a place where I’m happy I am.

    When I feel sad the anger gets me out of bed. When I feel defeated the anger makes me restratigize .
    It means I love and value myself. It’s allowed me to Gain worthier friends and I use it to fuel myself in building a happier future.

  5. No anger is wrong. Anger is your guard of your boundaries. You need to feel and welcome your anger like a dear friend and find healthy ways of using the power anger gives you. What you need to realise, this power source is meant to protect you and heal you. the simple truth using this energy for your own well being. The wrong focus would be focusing on the abuser of your past. That one is your past and needs to stay there. Don't move it into the present or even future. Remember, you and you alone are the master of your thoughts and feelings. Once you realise this fact, you move out of the victim mode: go and take your power back!!!

  6. Im divorsing my narc and still have stuff over there when we talk about ending stuff like final removal of items things that make it feel permanent she tears up and acts like she cares still it totally throws me off wth is that ? Why does she act like she cares sometimes?

  7. Yes! I have so much anger built up from decades of abuse. I have Rhuematiod Arthritis which is an autoimmune disease. I also have depression. Now I understand why. Thanks.

  8. Thank you for this. 3 yrs on am still angry..I have tremendous anger as I sacrificed alot and was abandoned. He ruined my career and my life . What's worse he moved on and didn't care.

  9. Occasionally I convince myself I'm gonna stab my narc to death while he's at work at the store, but then somehow would end up having sex with him.

  10. I have been carrying this hole/weight on my chest for years… never have really formed my own identity or allowed to have my own thoughts, I just realized I was raised in the jw cult, 3generation, so I inherited 2 other generations of bullshit mind control. My interactions with my parents only was about the Bible, they never really taught us life skills… it’s like they are brain dead zombies!!! And you point it out to them, they tell you your not praying enough…. as if I could just wish myself fixed, to have basic human approval… they think they are teaching love but they are not, they are teaching cognitive dissonance …. I fucking hate them…. I’m gonna try your advice… I’ve gone no contact (I’m shunned now) I gotta get this out… the Jehovah’s witnesses really messed me up…. it is an extreme mind control cult.

  11. Thank you for this. I'm going to do this here soon, as I've been abused by basically everyone my whole life, and a fight just happened where my mom was emotionally abusing me again. I'm so angry, but yet depressed, and I thought I could NEVER get depressed bewcause of how angry I was/am.

  12. Hi Meredith, my ex girlfriend can’t get a hint. Just because I’m releasing “stuff” out on instagram doesn’t give her the right to respond to it. It’s not about her. She’s a total narcissist and triggered me again, because I guess I still have unprocessed anger, resentment and rage. I thought I had processed this. OMG 😮 How do I get rid of this? I’m not depressed and I know I’m angry at her for the right reasons. It’s been over a year and I know that I need to get more anger management work done. It’s my experience of abuse from childhood and this incessant narcissism finding its way back to me… How do I get away from “stuck” energy, as I am prone to old depression issues although I am not currently. I do have slow moving motions as you’ve said. I’m still tired and exhausted easily. 😂 lmao instagram issue… 😆 boundaries! Righteous anger is being released from me now! John Bradshaw… ok! Thank you, I’ll check it out…

  13. Thanks for posting this practical advice. I know that ultimately N's are just different than us, and most of them aren't even aware of what they do on more than perhaps a superficial level. "Getting angry at a Narc is like getting angry at a cactus for not growing mangoes," as another blogger said. Still, it's hard to not feel anger at myself for falling for it and it's hard to not feel wary of trusting people again. I think an important thing is externalizing the anger, as you said, rather than just becoming avoidant/hyper-vigilant.

  14. givem' the finger. imagine they are there.
    It's a great activity. Women aren't supposed to get angry. It's not ladylike. Who made up THAT line? That makes me angry

  15. I need to come up with a way to divert my thoughts away from the memories that trigger anger…I am doing alot of self care..and taking my life and power back. after a year of dealing with a Narcissistic boyfriend…I have reclaimed my peace and are keeping busy with the things that make me happy. It's the bad memories. ..I am not a person who complains and drags everyone down..I am a very private person. I go to therapy and Counciling ..also on medication for anxiety ect. I feel at peace and are in total control of my life . It's just the memories. ..like ptsd…I need to redirect my thoughts at the same time get my anger out in a constructive way. I don't want to seek out revenge because I don't want to attract more stress to my life. ..

  16. I am in the alone phase. I moved 500 miles away. have been watching vids on this topic. such a twisted life that has taken place. i can hardly function right now. having a difficult time getting out of bed. don't even want to leave my home. feeling all of it
    including my faults in all of this. trying to find my way out of this place.

  17. I started getting my period every two weeks with the amount of manipulation, belittling and gaslighting he done to me I threw him out and within the exact same month my period returned back to normal..that's how much these TOXIC people can have an effect on your physical health not to mention mental…go no contact and u won't feel sick with how they keep u roped in and keeping up with there twisted lies….look after yourself nobody deserves this abuse they are horrible insidious demons who feed of your emotions and leave u feeling physically exhausted because whatever you say they will say something else and always disagree with u… There is no help for these types of cretins !!!

  18. Thank you so much for your videos!! you are really helping me get through and change for the better!! I thought it was not possible to keep "my head on my shoulders". And not cause that toxicities from abuse to other people. I do feel lonely because Ive noticed that i have cut most toxic people out of my circle and it makes me angry and sad at the same time but I know its for the better. Change is a hard thing but I'm realizing that I do not need others to make me happy. I really want to thank you so much fir reaching out and helping people from all types of abuse. You dont realize how much this affects you by going thru the horrible stuff that comes w abuse. Hoping to buy your book very soon!!!

  19. For a certain time I constantly felt like I need to scream. I was screaming inside all the time, because in those toxic relationships you get to be treated unfairly constantly.

  20. Great advice! I would drink my rage away, but I'm currently 120 days sober, and the anger and rage is coming back.

  21. All of your information is so helpful. Thank you. By the way, why is it that you look so beautiful? Blessings.

  22. I do have loads of anger towards myself and even towards this person. I want revenge even, even though I am well aware its not at all ok and I should never do anything. My narc is living with me, 0% talking, but all kind of passive aggressive behaviour (like turning on the heating in June so I will have to pay this bill when he moves out or touching my things in the bathroom, which he knows I keep in order (like wtf?) And so on so on). It eats me alive and I don't know how to manage my feelings.. 3 weeks left and he moves out..

  23. If a female breaks up with you you wish her the best and she's mad at you keeps you away from your kids and trying to do anything to destroy your life and all you did was wish her the best the main reason you left so she could be happy with the person she said she wanted to be with and she kept me away from my kids what is wrong with this person

  24. I have dealt with depression for several years with the narcissist I am with. Through watching you and other people, I finally ‘get it’ and am now sooooo pissed! I am angry at the narcissist, but angry at myself, because I can’t believe I have stayed with this person soooo long. I’ve allowed him to use and abuse me to the point, that there is little left emotionally, physically, financially, etc. I want to tell him what an asshole he is, but I know that is futile, because all of my attempts at ‘making him see the light 💡 ‘ turn into a mind bending, circuitous interaction. I can’t call it a conversation, because having a conversation with a narcissist is IMPOSSIBLE. I have started working out again, which I have not done for a long time. Anyway, he threw a ‘bone’ of a dozen roses today. I feel nothing, because I know those roses have thorny pricks, which symbolize him…a PRICK! Yes, I am 😤

  25. Looking gorgeous!!! Great video. I am very angry at my ex-Narc and at myself for putting up with it. GRRRR!! Lol. Thanks!!

  26. I was reading a book by Ray Kurzweil and have been influence by Freud, I came up with a way to heal neurotic trauma awhile back. You being so brilliant may be able to utilize it in your profession, whereas I really have limited interactions nor do I desire an increase. When one recalls a past trauma all the emotional pain of that actual experiential phenomenon which had occurred is recreated. Furthermore, emotions tend to pattern and memory is triggered by connection to other memories; which may lead to the pain being frequent. But memory is essentially a recreation of an experience by the imagination. Therefore, one can imagine an event differently, thereby feeling divergent emotion, so when the neurons trigger connected memories a positive feeling can be established in the pattern instead of pain. I feel it a quite permanent cure giving the vigilance to counteract the depressive memory establishing new beneficial thought patterns, habits, ect.
    After all, if all this world were merely an experience machine, what could matter other than how our life feels from the inside. Here is the video: https://youtu.be/F5mVXVcoVC0

    p.s. To the true devotee, whatever we experience, good or bad, is a gift from God. Many times our own mistakes provide the suggestion for correction. One doesn't have to forget the lesson, but it is said, "Pain is a lesson only a fool repeats."

  27. You can also get a towel and let it out so you dont need to put it out in "public" I have gone into my closet and screamed into a towel, I let my anger move as best and as quickly as I can. Staying out of the word level is excellent and will move the emotions quicker into the actual vibration of the emotion. It goes deep and old, this pain etc. It turns into grief and especially fear. Keeping things on the non-verbal allows the body to take over into "ignition" Letting oneself one is moving these deep places to gain healing and fill these dark places with Light helps one to allow the emotions have a chance to really move and finally express. Having acceptance for the emotions and not getting judgey in the head is also helpful. Understandings come after the emotional movement

  28. I am going through difficult time of traumatic and depression and anxiety after narc abuse of 5 years . I left him for 3 weeks now but I am isolated from everyone no friends no children ( they are cursing me to stay alone all my life ) o can’t trust anyone after all 😢 looking to get my pieces back and move on for healthy and peaceful life . Any one cane help me what s I have to do or follow up to heal fast and be happy and get my self esteem back ??? Please I need a help me 🙏

  29. That note is so scary because it hits so close. I'm not afraid to be alone so much myself, I used to have abandonment issues. But as of recent I welcome not having as many friends. Partially because people after years of dealing with craziness scare me. Also I've just been so reactive. I feel like I'm always seeing if I've let my anger slip where it didnt belong. I wouldn't put anybody through that because I know how it feels so I keep to myself more nowadays.

    Plus while I was still in communication with the narcissistic person I was crying on public trans, at school because I was so mad or hurt. I couldn't do it in front of him because he'd try to touch me. I could not do that infront of my son. And the 1 time I reached out to good friend the narcissistic guy found out started cursing at me for it and throwing tables and chairs around his shop. He kept trying to get me to hang with his friends but I always felt they were talking behind my back and he tell me so too. I didnt like the feel of either of these things so I strarted wanting to be alone more.

    I hate feeling petty and that's how my thoughts feel and I know some of them are wrong and have no valid reason. I'm just mad and the things around me now are separate but my mind tries to justify it. It happens less when things are peaceful for me.

  30. wow I've been allowing myself to cry and feel my feels and not bottle up but I never thought of it to actually not just let but to even make myself angry so I can let it out… I have done other things to let it out and I do have a huge sence of shame for anger that's in me especially when I get triggered… I'm better at not letting others push me as far anymore but sorry to say this 34 year old man fails miserably when it comes to my own mother and if anything making things worse… my main insanity is thinking all the work I've done into myself with the help of God and councilors and awesome utube vids like this.

  31. I use games to expell my anger. It might sound crazy but it is a healthier way to expell that anger without hurting anyone.

  32. Hello Meredith. I'm Vivian, narcissistic abuse Survivor dealing with my issues with much help from you. 😁 just wanted to say you are the closest thing to a role model I've ever had. I see strength in you and resilience. That is unusual for anybody over 30, who's had their fair share of life's kicks "from left field". Thank you for sharing what you've learned. It is changing my life day by day. Blessings!

  33. Why should complete strangers anger me? They do. It is weird. I thought it would pass by now. I feel like a very unpleasant nasty person.

  34. This touched me. Being abused you tend to be use to being around abusers. Then you let the negative people go…and your stomach hurts and it’s deep. Anger is the by product. It the oddest logical thing to know this doesn’t make sense. ? But you want abusers around you … to divert the pain onto your anger towards them. But the real issue is your anger for your shame for wanting abuse to happen. Very complicated

  35. Meredith, you are absolutely amazing! Another Earth shattering video! I just looked at it for my kids who have a lot of anger and depression issues but it turned out I needed it myself. Just few screams and "air punching" and I feel so relieved:) I am still living submersed in several layers of narcissists/psychopaths but at least I know what to do. Thank You so much!

  36. I fell out with an abusive friend during a family death/crisis time in my life, when I was a kid. I still project a lot of anger onto that situation…weird how once in a while it just comes up. And then I get this huge adrenaline kick but I just sit there haha. x

  37. My anger is my biggest set back. This is the BEST ANGER VIDEO I HAVE EVER WATCHED!! It is so hard to get that anger out! I have watched this video at least 5 times. I do judge myself and what my anger should look like and then I STOP doing the work. But it does come out over very little things. I am very depressed and have thought about suicide because I have a lifetime of abuse and I do feel it is to much work to deal with it all. I have to get off this merry go round and I know it…

  38. Seluruh rasa marahku sudah hilang saat aku hilangkan semua anggota keluarga psycopath itu dlm pikiranku…tidak pernah ada mereka dlm kehidupanku..semudah itu…pikiranku bersih..hidupku bersih…lihat kehidupan dari dalam dirimu..tak ada yg abadi untuk apa kesombonganmu

  39. I find that ANGRY heavy metal music has always helped for me. I drive around in my car and crank the very first KORN album (the singer for KORN has suffered narcissistic abuse as well). That first album never fails me. Pantera is also good for anger release.

  40. I cannot get angry, I feel sadness and depression instead. This video has helped me understand what I need to do after being stuck for 2 years being toyed with like a yo-yo. Thank you.

  41. What if you're resentful he never hoovered u after you walked away? I know i should be happy but what if he hoovered every one except for you? I kept telling myself he will miss me…he will know he messes up. The new supply will not work. But no NO sign of him. What if hes happy with her? She made it work. He doesn't miss me. I know it's dumb….i just feel angry. I should be over this. I am angry i still think of him.

  42. Anger, PAIN, fear….layers and layers, bulks, enormous cumulus clouds, storms, wind and monsoon, earthquakes of rage, volcanoes of pain, floods, seas of tears and all kinds of everything in between and with it and through it all. It's a Pandora box. It's taking years. Thank you family for this inheritance. Thank you life for taking away from me the person whom I loved the most and wished the most in my life. Thank you, this time sincerely, Dimash Kudaibergen for singing S.O.S. d'un terrien en de'tresse.

  43. I was abused n been around toxic ppl I fight to keep my mind at peace I don’t trust anyone and I want to get away start all over but moving right now is hard because I don’t have the money I still cry bout everything that I went tru n I re live the pain over n over n I’m scared that I’m gonna break n I stop letting him back in my life n now he is saying n doing things to make me feel scared n I just don’t understand how someone who completely destroyed me emotionally n mentally can be so anger towards me like it’s my fault n even though I know this ain’t normal I still hold on to how he use to be with when there was love but we have a child n she is 4 months old n I don’t let him c her because he tells me he is gonna take her away n he has his friends watching me every day telling him what I’m doing n it gets to the point where I don’t want to leave my house I’m tired of having to defend myself n then be punished for standing up for myself n saying that’s enough abuse I even blacked out n hit him over n over n for now that keeps him away from my house but still abusing me by talking bad about me saying I’m a bad mom I have 4 kids my new born is his first child n I took been a single mother before I meet him I went tru abuse with my first baby father n I’m living all those memories now n I’m scared of going into depression like before but I’m scared of acting out on my anger n getting myself into trouble I want help but I don’t trust no one n I have no one who will listen to me n stay with me n the kids while I get better n feel safe in my own home it hurts me so bad n I don’t know how to keep my mind from thinking bout everything that I went tru I have lost myself in this hurt n it’s hard to keep myself happy or interact with my kids the way I use too I love my kids but I’m afraid of loosing them to the system if I fall into depression or if things get worst I had so much hurt that I never got justice for n seeing the one who hurt me happy n doing things to make me scared n I can’t stop them I can’t move out of this house where all my neighbors r his friends n tell him everything I do plus he works across the st from me so I have to c him everyday n it hurts so much that I want help but I really don’t know how to get help without getting into more trouble by trusting someone who just uses my problems against me they call me crazy they bully me everyone that walked into my life took advantage of me n I have gotten in trouble in the past by trying to defend myself n my kids but I still get into trouble cause they only way I know to defend myself is by using violence n it’s so hard to sit here trying to ignore n not let it bother me but it’s too much pain I went tru I don’t wanna loose my kids if I go talk to a mental clinic cause it happened to me before I lost my kids my peace I lost faith in ppl I feel everyone is out to hurt me n I don’t like this feeling I’m sorry I’m writing so much n I sound like I’m crazy but I’m not I just need some one to help me feel safe n listen too me n not claim I’m crazy because I’m not I just went tru so much cause of love that emotionally I’m torn apart n I look on YouTube n found ur video n I had to write my situation maybe u can give me some words to bring me hope n let me know I’m not alone that someone understand me n I just want to be at peace with my kids n stop letting him n the past hurt me how can I do it alone with my kids how can I seek help

  44. Yes. Absolutely. If we hold our emotions in it causes us physical dis-ease. After living with a covert narc for 13 years and had all sorts of physical illness until I started detoxing. Now I help others who've been abused learn how to detox mind, body and soul and find their truth.

  45. great tips thankyou think i need to do that let it out i couldnt before because it was used against me her behaviour was absolutly not acceptable ! ( YOU HAD NO RIGHT ! ) I need to do that and clear out my throat chakra

  46. It's difficult and expensive. I can't afford to move every time I'm stalked. At least now I've learned that no one has my back.

  47. It's a bitch when you're sick and can't be active. I have the flu and my abuser is my neighbor in the apt upstairs always home and listening to me. What a fucking freak.

  48. I am so overwhelmed with where to start coming out of abuse. I hear a lot about doing the work but as a single parent I don’t have hours every day to do everything I’d need to work on. Any ideas where to start to keep it simple? My brain can’t retain too much at the moment

  49. The anger is a real big issue for me… what I found also helpful is to write out several emails and letters but don’t send them. Save them. This is therapy and it helps so much… hug and love your way. 😘

  50. The only people, I imagine, who dislike this video (all 31 of them) I would be willing to bet are full blown narcs. They always hate exposure. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge.

  51. 🙁 I am stuck in the depression. I have not been angry and cannot and don't know how to be. I have internalized it all and I am stuck

  52. I dont know how to get beyond the anger because I still live with my covert narc wife who is constantly trying to stir the pot and then I react and I get upset as anyone would.
    She then projects and says I'm abusive which is crazy making because she is the instigator. These people are toxic..

  53. Yeah I’m dealing with anxiety because of the way my narcissist turns me to I can’t arguing with ppl without getting angry.

  54. I naturally have been screaming and yelling in my car or in my home when no one is there….I thought it was not good. Glad to hear it's good to get this shit out.

    I'm 40 and been angry my whole life…at the same time I am polite and a people pleaser. It's very much in my DNA.

  55. My mother is the most emotional abusive person ever. Because of this I've always been known as the nicest most perceptive person known. But she scapegoats me right now I'm as angry as can be because I had a piece a toast.for the first time in months, apparently that was her "special" jam (its not) suddenly all she wanted was a pb and j sandwich and shes old and frail and could die without food.

    She wony allow me to go buy the same two dollar jar or bring it in the house

  56. I'm too angry. I am stuck with this stalker living above me. Can't afford to move. Management won't let me switch apts. Advocacy organizations won't help because it's not someone I'm "in a "relationship with."

  57. I have cancer..( I am 55)…my doctor asked me if my mother neglected me when I was a child. I couldn't walk for 4 years do to pain and my mother would get angry at me. By the time I got treatment I had two cancers stage 4 and stage 3. I asked my mother to believe that there was something wrong with me. She tired hitting me in the face with her purse and then called the police on me. During chemo I had an infection and low white blood cell count. My mom and younger sister stopped by my house and told me to get off my butt and get a job. Now my two sisters are attacking me whenever they can. I ask them not to stress me because i have an emboli in my eye and know I can possible have a brain stroke. My mother mocks me and says oh poor Lorri. Is this normal?

  58. I wish I felt anger. I only feel deep deep sadness and depression due to the narc abuse. I know this is anger pointed inwards but I do not know how to reverse it. Being angry, feeling it, would be a major step forward for me

  59. I am very angry…. I am drinking why too much to deal! But. Then I forget all that happens but I know it’s all do to be having anger issues!! With my ex and others I keep close which they don’t even see that doing same ! Ughhhh sucks what should I do now???!!

  60. I don’t feel anything. The sadness is excruciating, so I turned it off. Now anger has taken its place. I’m in an environment that is extremely triggering, while working through the abuse I went through for the past year. I have been no contact for 1 week. But the environment is triggering and my sister lashed out at me and so the anger took over. It actually felt good to feel something, even though it was rage. I’m not sorry for lashing out at my sister. I’ve told her not to talk to me like that before. But I don’t want to lose control like that anymore. I’m not strong enough not to be triggered.

  61. I'm almost ONE year in my journey and I've recently noticed anger has reemerged back into my soul!! Thanks AGAIN!! For your amazing tips in growing!! ❤️

  62. My anger can be severe. To the point where I worry I’m a crazy person. I wish I could be pure and undamaged again.

  63. I wish I knew how. It bothers me that they are still in my life
    Breathing is what I need. Quite alone I will not celebrate anything with them because I see this tribal discord other than family.
    It is unnatural and is abusive to this grievance for the reality I rather dream for.

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