Counseling: Domestic Abuse

Welcome to this video on Counseling and Domestic
Violence. Domestic Violence, as defined by the National
Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) is “the willful intimidation, physical assault,
battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of
power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence,
psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence
can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.” Abusive behaviors vary in nature, and typically
escalate from bad to worse. Generally, abuse starts out with verbal abuse. This can be demeaning comments, harsh name
calling,aggressive threats or language, etc. After verbal abuse typically comes the emotional
abuse. This could be manipulative conversations to
point out flaws in the victim and to elevate themselves, rejection, isolation, financial
threats, ignoring needs and emotions, intentionally placing the victim in danger, and withholding
helpful guidance. Physical abuse, generally, comes next on the
continuum, in the form of restraining, slapping, beating, biting, burning, striking with an
object, strangulation, aggressive sexual advances, rape, and the use of weapons with the intent
of wounding or causing death. President Bill Clinton signed the Violence
Against Women Act of 1994, essentially what the law said was we will have zero tolerance
against violence. Zero tolerance just means if abuse is reported,
then for sure there will always be a consequence. Enough with abusers getting off easy, or worse
yet, getting completely off the hook. However, instead of limiting abuse, what happened
was women stopped reporting it and began to withdraw from legal protection. Abused women feared that:
Police would take their children away from them because there was violence coming from
the husband or significant other. That their husbands or significant others would seek revenge on them after being released from jail. They even fear that they would be unable to
support their children without their husband’s or significant other’s income. Women are the most at risk targets for abuse
because they are: Often times untrained in self-defense, and
even if they are, typically, they are just significantly weaker, physiologically. Women tend to stay in physically abusive relationships
for many reasons, including: Seeing their mothers stay in a physically
abusive relationship. A social responsibility to keep up the facade
of a happy home Early learned insecurity that they are inferior
and deserve abuse. Medical professionals, in all fields, have
adopted a set of identifiers to help screen for abused women who do not self disclose. There are three questions the woman is asked:
Whether or not she has been physically struck over the last year
About the safety of her present relationship About past relationships that may threaten
her present safety To help bring to light the severity, and excessiveness
of abuse I think it is important to note that abuse costs the American economy over of $4
billion dollars per year. This total accounts for:
Care for physical injuries by medical practitioners Care for psychological injuries by mental
health professionals Violence prevention campaigns for victims
and perpetrators Police and judiciary costs Emergency housing
Social Services costs It does not include hidden costs from eroded
social capital like: Increased morbidity from stress Lost pay from work absences Low productivity from worry at work and painful
movement Lower earnings and savings
Increased mortality from suicide through depression Poor school performance by traumatized children
Increased mortality from murder The victim can be EITHER member of an intimate
relationship. The children in violent homes are often neglected
or abused. Victims of childhood abuse often become the
perpetrators of violence in later life. Many suffer from poor self-esteem that undermines
their job choices and social interactions. Abuse in any form often creates an inescapable
cycle for those involved. Physical and mental issues often develop in
a child from an abusive home that follows him or her into adulthood. Some common behavior and social problems are: Deficient social skills;
inadequate problem-solving skills aggressiveness
delinquency oppositional behaviors
attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD)
suicidal tendencies; drug and alcohol abuse social disengagement
denial anxiety and depression
social withdrawal avoidance of problems
excessive self-criticism These social, behavioral, and intimacy problems
are very prevalent and costly to our society, but more importantly degrade the quality of
life for children. Male abusers were usually abused as children,
or watched their mothers being abused, or saw abuse perpetrated by male friends (e.g., gang rapes as initiation rites for girls at skip parties). The male abuser often has a disproportionate
sense of entitlement that he has the right to hurt others, especially females. The male abuser usually does not have a good opinion of women because that is the way he was socialized. The male abuser often justifies his behavior by stating he was drunk or high on drugs at the time of an attack. The abuser truly believes he has the right to hit a woman if she is unfaithful or withholding sex from him. One type of abuser may have Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD), a delayed reaction caused by trauma or witnessing an event that caused him a great deal of suffering. Other psychological problems common to abusers are depression, poor self-esteem, personality disorders, and psychopathy. Male abusers may have been abandoned as children. Abandonment leads to a state of rage in the
adult male. Be alert to three states of child abuse that
commonly have detrimental effects on the future adult male: The father or an adult male authority figure inflicts physical abuse on a male child The father inflicts emotional abuse by rejecting and humiliating his son The mother does not form a maternal bond with her son Anger is part of the attachment process. The attachment object may be the victim of
the violence as the male abuser takes out his feelings of jealousy or rejection. The male’s veneer of icy indifference conceals a strong emotional dependency on the significant other or wife. Abusers of either sex have various unmet psychological
needs or motivations. These types of abusers are common:
Type #1: A person who assaults his or her victims in the home setting and has a strong need to dominate relationships with his or her intimate partners. Type #2: The abuser suffering from significant psychological issues, like antisocial personality disorder, who is a convicted criminal or has past assault and battery charges (often dropped by intimidated victims). Type #3: The person who works through a continuum
of abusive behaviors, beginning with verbal and emotional abuses, which lead to throwing
objects at the victim, intimidation, and an effort to dominate the relationship by withholding
money or restraining movement and social access. Violence can escalate, followed by feelings
of remorse. The pattern can become part of a never-ending
cycle of behavior. Abuser #3 often victimizes seniors or the
disabled. Let’s take a look at treatment for the abuser: Your first step is to determine if abuse actually
exists and to diagnose the type of abuser. Rule out addiction to drugs or alcohol. If the abuser is an addict, refer the abuser
to a separate drug or alcohol intervention program, in conjunction with your treatment. Next, determine the severity of past abuses
perpetrated on the abuser when he or she was a child. It doesn’t have to be the case that abuse
was directed at the child. It is sufficient that he or she witnessed
violence being perpetrated on other family members. Evaluate the abuser for borderline personality
disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Provide the abuser with anger management training
in a group setting. Anger management involves discussions of dominant
and controlling behaviors, and the development of personal responsibility. The abuser needs to control his own or her
own behavior. Counsel the male abuser regarding the abuse
that was perpetrated on him as a child. The male adult should understand that he was
a victim himself, and is not to be blamed for the past abuse perpetrated upon him as
a child. He is not the one that caused others to hurt
him. Gently bring to light his wrong assumptions,
and try to develop his understanding of the root of his self-esteem issues. The male needs to develop a healthier self-view and learn thought patterns that lead to appropriate behavior. Encourage him to discuss and help him to deal with internal conflicts and the internalized pain of his past. There may be a harshness, coldness, or unwillingness
to admit any wrongdoing, or vulnerability. Be patient. Use a motivational approach to help your male
client gain a healthy perspective on his behavior. Base your approach on cognitive, emotional,
and behavioral conflicts in your patient’s life. Treatment that involves discussing your client’s
abusive relationship with others may unearth feelings that are uncomfortable for both your
client and you. (The terms “he” and “his” are not used to
here discriminate, but because the abuser is statistically more likely to be male.) Your client may want to place blame for his
actions on his wife or significant other. Help your client to understand the motivations behind his actions and his desire to lay the blame elsewhere. Understanding helps your client to establish
a closer relationship with his wife. Do not try and force your client to take responsibility
for his behavior, or criticize him, as your client will become defensive. Do not force a confrontation that could turn
into an aggressive act. Confrontations increase the sense of humiliation
your client is feeling. Humiliation will lead your client to express
feelings of blame and anger. However, that sense of humiliation can be
a very effective tool if guided in a caring way by the counselor. The anger management treatment group should
consist of 6-8 male members. DO NOT to try to counsel a couple in an abusive
relationship, as this can lead to further abuse. Assess your clients individually, followed
by group therapy. The small group of 6-8 members should be led
either by a sole male counselor, or male and female co-counselors to help the clients see
positive interaction between a male and female. The male and female counselors must understand
each other’s strengths and weakness, and seek to engage one another in a complementary way. The
focus and intention of the group is to help patients identify their wrongs, and reveal
their need for help. Each individual in the group should examine his or her emotional responses that are reflected in angry behaviors. The emotions behind the anger are usually sadness, pain, rejection, humiliation, and at the core of all of it. pride. Help them to identify the underlying feelings
or mindset that the anger is stemming from, and allow them to talk about what is going
on beneath the surface. Discuss families and relationships. Relate childhood experiences to present attitudes
and behaviors. Anger management group therapy generally go
on for 20 weeks with one session per week. Here is a suggested outline for your discussion
topics: Week 1: The group makes a participation agreement. Each individual shares his personal violence
statement. Week 2: Clients learn to identify feelings
of anger, and attempt to step back before acting on it. Discuss other anger management principles. Give some stress management skill instructions. Week 3: Each client participates in a discussion
on issues he faces in his daily life that he feels like he has control over and issues
that he feels like he cannot control. Follow this discussion with another on conflict,
emotions, and actions. Encourage clients to practice the use of “I”
messages to communicate their feelings. Help your clients to gain insight into assertive
requests and refusals. Week 4: Involve your clients in an examination
of values and discuss the clients’ reactions. Week 5: Discuss the continuum of abuse and
the power wheel. Week 6: Discuss childhood experiences, especially the parental relationship that the child witnessed, and parenting styles. Week 7: Discuss how abuse of the child is
reflected in the life of the adult. The resulting conversation will deal with
emotions that this discussion conjures up. Week 8: Clients discuss the difference between
punishment and discipline. Week 9: Clients discuss encouragement and
respect. Week 10: Discuss identifying wrong thinking
and its impact, and examine scripts. Week 11: Discuss the abuse cycle along with
a conversation regarding communication. Week 12: Involves empathy, listening, and
reflection. Week 13: Discuss assertiveness. Week 14: Summarize and consolidate the communication
skills you taught in the first 13 weeks. Week 15: Review the power wheel and include
a practice exercise. Week 16: Discuss intimacy. Week 17: Give empathy exercises. Week 18: Follow-up to the empathy exercises. Week 19: Outline a relapse prevention plan. Week 20: Summarize and reinforce what was
learned in the previous 19 weeks. In your ending conversation, discuss ways
to implement the relapse prevention plan in case a problem develops. Abuse is rampant in homes all throughout the
U.S., and the world. We are excited that it has been pressed upon
your heart to understand it, and be used to help grab people from the ongoing cycle. I hope that this video was effective in equipping
you with the necessary tools and information. For further help, be sure to check out our
other video’s right here. See you next time!

4 thoughts on “Counseling: Domestic Abuse

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  2. This is flawless, more people need to see this, I'm weeks away from starting my work placement and this has helped make the very daunting process of DV Counselling a whole lot more manageable. I sincerely thank you for making this video ^_^

  3. Admin please contact to me I have real domestic violence love story, Indian woman escapes from hindu husband coz of torture abused mentally torture mentally harassing blackmailing by she's hindu husband and she's secretly comes to Pakistan for peace life and convert to Islam then married with me and I'm suleman from Pakistan and I'm married with this Indian woman name's Tina

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