59 thoughts on “Are You a Selfie Queen on Social Media — Are You Self Confident or a Narcissist

  1. Anyone can have narcissistic traits but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are a narcissist. We all at some point tend to show off and can act arrogant sometimes, but at the end of the day, that is not who we are and still be aware and self-reflect. Whereas an actual narcissist will engage in toxic behavior for the purpose of hurting others and always trying to be in the dominant position. They have no empathy and self-awareness.

  2. I grew up in the 1980’s and 90’s, and even back then if you took too many pix of yourself, it would have been considered selfish. Everyone comes from their own background and construct, so they judge from that place.
    Sometimes people post a lot of selfies bc they love the attention because it is a substitute for the attention they should be seeking from God. These are possibly sometimes insecure people or codependents who look to others to tell them who they are. Unfortunately, the good feeling they get from all the likes or attention is short lived, so they keep going back for more and more.
    I doubt everyone who posts a lot of selfies though is codependent or doing things for these reasons, some are doing it just because it is a part of their generational culture and perhaps many haven’t put a lot of thought it into why they do. Some, I would say, like Lisa said, is doing it because they love makeup. Some are doing it because they want to use their face as part of a sort of brand marketing. For example, maybe they sell a product such as a health product and they show themselves with a cup full of their product.
    Yes, research shows that narcissism is on the rise. Why is this? Does it have anything to do with social media? Research shows that it does. So, I think we all just need to examine our motives behind everything.
    It sounds like though that person who called this gal a narcissist, might be one herself. Perhaps the one who commented projected her own crud onto the gal who sent the question into Lisa. A nicer way would have been to talk to the gal in person or somehow in private, if she was really concerned about her, instead of putting “narcissist” under her pic, and then to (probably dishonestly) say she was joking when it was addressed.

  3. Good discussion. Good points on the intention behind it. I've been looking at why selfies are getting more prevalent these days and think a lot of it might have to do with the fact human beings are sociable people and person to person interactions are wired in us and with all the technology it's had an effect in that natural aspect of us where it's separating us from that person to person interaction face to face. So that need manifests itself online in the form of selfies to have that human connection and bonding we all need. And believe narcissists are honing in on that and exploiting it. I use to think the selfies were a narcissistic person, but don't see it that way anymore. There's definitely a difference between people posting selfies vs a narcissist posting selfies. Great discussion✌😊

  4. Even from my early years I had a lack of self confidence which created some narcissistic traits in me. People who lack genuine self confidence try to create a fake one by being something that they are not, by trying to mimic traits of those who appear way more confident. It is a vicious circle for high school kids growing up. I am grateful that I am finally truly beginning to reclaim my genuine self confidence and true self love by shedding light on what I am not and by discovering what I had always been but was unaware of this beauty within me. What has helped me the most is a free online book of daily practices, titled Steps to Knowledge. For those who are in for a great challenge but also for a great opportunity to shed light into their lives and make a turn for the better, I recommend with all my heart to check it out at stepstoknowledge-com

  5. I read somewhere a few years ago that lots of selfies is narcissistic and I've been petrified ever since! Thanks for the info, as always, Lisa!

  6. There is still a lot of nuance with that girls question. How many selfies does she take a day? As a single guy who used to not be able to enforce boundaries, and who was familiar with emotional abuse since childhood, I can say that I have seen firsthand that the more selfies a girl takes, and the less amount of pictures she actually has with good friends or that have some purpose or substance to them, she is probably Cluster B.

    There’s a difference between posting one picture of yourself doing something (that a friend might have taken, like at a concert), and a mirror selfie where you are the only one in the room and you are just taking a picture of yourself. 🤳

    🤳 Every girl i have met who takes pics like that has ended up being a hollow, shallow, toxic person who is unable to genuinely connect with anyone. BUT she’s close with family. She LOVES her family. Then you dig a little deeper and realize it is one big toxic and codependent emotionally abusive incestuous-seeming cesspool.

  7. Yes Lisa but Narcissist really do cheat & steal & lie and love duping others too get what they want but anyways still great topic ! Yes narcissistic parents will do anything to dominate our lives .

  8. Great subject matter, but maybe you have a disconnect with the context. That girl’s letter left a lot to interpretation. Does that girl post 15 selfies a day that spams everyone’s timeline? Does she have duckface the whole time? Are her captions attention-seeking? You’re speaking from the mindset of a grandiose narcissist that would be posting pics. The girl who sent you the letter seems like a COVERT Narcissist who will post captions like “my life > your life” then gets angry if she is called out on it. You should have asked to see her social media accounts. Because you’re giving advice that every Covert Narcissist will eat up and use against actual Confident people.

  9. Facts Lisa confident people are completely different from narcissist . Narcissist are the complete opposite of being confident especially since everything has to be about them and everything is one big compatention with them even when it shouldn't .

  10. This is such an appropriate conversation for me right now. My bf well ex now had this exact conversation. He questioned why I post spiritual quotes on instagram when I'm clearly not healed enough and not on a high enough level to do that. His opinion of course. It was quite belittling. But on the other hand his posts are all pictures of himself and how spiritual he is. When in fact its him that isn't on my level because in real life he doesn't practice. He even told me I had to start practicing buddhism if I wanted to be on his level. I told him I have my own path thank you. Lol

  11. … Lisa … thank you for doing this video, because it is a real issue that anyone on social media has to deal with … especially if you are trying to promote you own product or business … this is especially true nowadays with artists, because the days of art galleries has changed drastically, and most art is now sold online … which requires building an image or brand , along with frequent postings … the public is enamored with image and lifestyle … so it has become a business marketing tool to help survive against all the business competition …

  12. I think the fact that she was hurt by her friend's comment, and not enraged by it, is itself a sign that she's not a narcissist.

  13. I´m always confused and struggling with this topic, but you clarified. Thank you. No social media addiction because time is worth it neither being social media queen.

  14. There was a period recently where I was under constant abuse by multiple narcissists simultaneously, I took a lot of selfies, but, it was because I was screaming to establish my sense of self as they tried to eat it away. It wasn't my pattern and and soon a I got away from as many abusers at the same time, my personal sense of self stopped being under the onslaught and I didn't need to fight my way into visibility because the abuse made me feel invisible.

  15. They do it because they want you to focus on them, what they eat, how much they exercise, their schedule, whatever so that you focus on them and give them attention. They want people thinking about their lives and the minute daily details of it for narcissistic supply. It's subtle but it keeps some people focused on them complimenting them. They LOVE the compliments and attention they get.

  16. This is a great topic! (Of course I think ALL of your videos are great topics! Ha! I’m a junkie!) However, I believe that sometimes those that post a lot of selfies actually. have VERY low self esteem/confidence and they do it for the compliments and for the positive comments! I have a daughter who I think is beautiful, but I’m afraid for her because of all the selfies she has on Instagram and what that says to people. She has always seemed to have low self-esteem and I don’t know why. 😢

  17. Yes so true!I like to decorate so I decorate my yard as the seasons change .My narc neighbor started doing the same thing even in the same ways that I have.I see it as being manipulative because its something that she was never about.They want to be dominate and in control in many ways.

  18. Thank you for covering this topic Lisa. It helps a lot. I would say the biggest narcissistic trait I have struggled with ever since my early teens is being jealous of people’s success who have been abusive to me. Of course I’m happy for successful people who have been kind and given me constructive criticism & encouragement. I really want more wholesome people like that to succeed and influence society.

    But it’s mainly my family and old friends from childhood where the relationships eventually had to dissolve because they kept on putting me down and saying that me not accomplishing as much as they have in the academic and career ladder made me a loser. When it turned out that during that whole time I had untreated & misdiagnosed epilepsy. When my family and friends were informed of my correct diagnosis by the hospital and my husband, they insisted that I must have brought it upon myself from living the college lifestyle,. When in reality I partied very little because I was physically weak. I haven’t spoken to any of them since.

    I use to get infuriated with jealousy when they posted on their LinkedIn about their career advancements. I would just look up at the sky and ask God “why do the assholes of this world seem to usually get ahead?” Luckily now that I’m 30 my jealousy towards unkind people’s success has vastly lessened because people who hurt others aren’t truly confident even if they are fortunate & brilliant enough to be a superstar in their career, and also because a lot of people lie & inflate themselves on LinkedIn.

  19. Totally ! Doing something because you enjoy it with no hidden agenda. Accept others opinions for their own. Your truth is knowing it makes you happy for you..Lisa your videos are so inspirational. Thankyou.

  20. With all that modern technologies narcs don't even need make-up:a couple of simple clicks, and the trick is done. I once witnessed a narc's rage on social media when some girl mentioned that my ex narc social media "friend" uses filters and Photoshop in order to look beautiful,and why be so angry if you don't use all that stuff? what's the point of the argument?I guess this girl in the comments was totally right about that narc.

  21. You've helped Me out alot these past couple days. I know exactly what a Narcissist is now and how many I've had in my life, and why I inevitably end up disengaging and going forward alone. Most 'normal' I've felt in a long time. I've realized both my older Brothers and Parents are and were narcissists. Never not once in my entire life have I ever heard any of them apologize for anything or admit they are at fault in way shape or form in regard to literally everything. I recently cut off all ties with a Mixed martial arts school/instructor because I knew something was very off for a long while now, and now I know for sure what it is. NEVER listens to anyone ever honest to God. I've never heard Him in a years period never shut up for longer then 10 seconds not once. Always trys to make You feel Who you are in essence is wrong in somehow shape or form. I literally cut off all ties with Him and the younger students he has mind controlled and brainwashed. I literally don't want to say one word to Him ever again if I can help it. At least I can recognize more quickly now when something is 'off' then when I could when I was younger. Your videos have validated my reasons for being A loner the past couple years. It's very much heightened my awareness because I know exactly what You are talking about.

  22. Hope that works out Lisa your beautiful inside and out…great teaching…please talk about about abuses..thks.. but for the record we all got narcissistic in US so talked about that verses a real narcissistic.. explain to viewers , narcissist don't have no feelings they don't care what you think it's All About Me Myself and I they don't have no empathy and don't care what you think God bless you sweetheart you're amazing

  23. I took one picture of myself in high school
    With a camera; I was 15. My brothers and sisters mocked me and it came up in conversation they couldn’t believe I did it. This was before selfies. I was shamed by them now I take photos of myself bc I have an iPhone and it’s popular but I still find it incredibly odd this apparent boundary is no longer an issue. But I think it’s a epidemic the selfie epidemic. Lol I also fell in love with a narcissist in the early 2000’s who took huge blown up photos of himself and I didn’t even know he was a narcissist s-he was an artist. Now I realize that he was; and what happened to me during that time. I do think that many selfies or only selfies can be; but not necessarily a warning sign. Maybe they are just lonely. But a lot of selfies can also be for attention. Not narcissism but still for attention. In high school or college women are extremely competitive and another women will lash out at you to take you down a notch. It can be really rude. Without knowing what this girl is like it’s hard to say there are tendencies, but in school or high school there is a normal level of narcissism. I do agree throwing shade is bad sign, too. Jealousy is an indicator.

  24. IMHO…narcissists aren’t self reflective and don’t ask things like, “Am I narcissist?”…that you’re posing the question and watching videos such as these runs contrary to the actions of a narcissist.

  25. Yes! There's no denying this epidemic of bimbo-behavior (in both sexes, by all means) in the shallow, material world of today.

  26. It's ok to post selfies it's how you go about it. Narcissists will hate anyone who has high confidence and will always put that person down and will degrade them on social media.

    Another awesome video thanks 👆

  27. A classic narc atitude on social media is to post pictures you take of them on vacations you took them, and they dont credit you and erase your kind, happy birthday comment so the ladies dont find out he is in a 3 year relationship…

  28. I have to say I totally disagree with Lisa’s take on this one! She is contradictory on what she says. A confident woman would not have to take repetitive selfie’s of herself for adoration and the dopamine rush of getting likes on a social media platform. A confident woman wouldn’t give a damn what someone thinks of them by repetitively updating Photos! I agree that she is a narcissist! The harsh truth, nobody really gives a damn about your photos girl!!

  29. Citing various other manifestations of narcissistic character has no bearing on the question whether posting tons of selfies indicates narcissistic character. Non sequitur. You just gave a pass to the most conspicuous manifestation of female narcissism out there today. And it’s all about commanding adulation, prestige and resources. Wow.

  30. I used to take selfies before they were even called selfies. My ex narcissist and a frienemy were the ones who found my photos online and attacked me for taking photos of myself. Scary narcissist ex would then photoshop my photos and return them with disgusting and frightening images and phrases. I trie dto change where I would upload but he would find me. He literally scared me into not taking selfies. The frienemy kept commenting for me to get a new hobby. Meanwhile she didn't even care about me or that I was taking photos to make myself feel better after leaving the violent ex. I have many hobbies, but it showed how little she really knew me. I've never judged others for taking photos. Actually your video is great and made me want to start taking photos again.

  31. Lisa, you use your own face for almost every video you post. Since you're bringing up selfies and narcissism, would you mind talking about why you think it's necessary to constantly use your own face as click bait for these vids? I don't judge you, but I am curious as to why you think this is necessary? Or what this adds to your personal satisfaction or what you believe constant use of your face adds to the work you do regarding narcissism? I personally feel a LOT of cognitive dissonance stemming from your channel these days due to behavior like this. Thanks always for your honesty.

  32. Let’s be totally real here! Taking endless photos of yourself bleeds insecurity. A narcissist is totally insecure right to the core! These are the kind of people that usually run people off social media because they actually drive people insane with their constant self-absorbed image. Instead of truly liking peoples repetitive selfie photos, they actually are annoyed by it in every way!

  33. You seem to know exactly what I need to hear. Someone who knows next to nothing about my life or work made a comment about my selfies – that I take MAYBE a few times a year – and literally every point you make is her, to a T.

    Thank you – it's funny that the narcissist is triggered by others doing well (or taking a selfie), but it makes sense. Wish we all knew how to celebrate one another.

  34. Personally id drop the friend from fb. I got rid of fb, clean house . It came to my attention that just because people smile at me it didn't mean they liked me. The best friends are those who hang out with you in person out of their own choice. I noticed while I had people give the odd like on fb they never messaged me privately to meet up etc. I offered to host in the past and no one showed up, always all too busy. If they had xmas cookie swap or something with friends I was never invited

  35. Hi Lisa,
    I’m in your Feb. 20/20 12 week coaching program. Can’t seem to get the Facebook connection to work so I’ll ask my question for this Saturday here as I think it’s tangential: You talk a lot about how co-dependents feel shame & guilt. I do not conscious feel shame & guilt but I do feel a lot of anger and resentment. Is it possible I’m a “half-breed”- 1/2 narcissist 1/2 co-dependent?

  36. Adapting Overseeing
    sympathetically Compassionately
    Gently Growing and Sensitively
    Guiding The Vibe that is of Natural
    Tranquil balance…. The Steering
    Wheel is Yours do Not let anybody
    have a go of it. if you Do you will
    Never Get it Back Nobody has Your
    Credentials do Not Underestimate
    Yourself . The People are the
    Pupils 📚📕📘📗📓📙📒
    You The Principle❤🌈🎤🐩🐦xxx

  37. Song Tittle. <> Wide Open Spaces
    Band Name. <>Dixie Chicks
    —–She knows what she needs she knows she is Enough🌠

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