Anxiety | Spill The Tea | Evan Edinger & Luke Cutforth

Evan: Hello, everyone and welcome to an episode of spill the tea; a series on my channel where I bring someone on and we just chat about topics that are on our mind, today’s topic anxiety Luke : Anxiety Evan: Spill the anxiety. I just came off of a very very bad sickness I could barely move yesterday and the day before that, don’t know how New york really messed me up. I now have my voice back, and I’m about 75% better. So if I have a voice cracked or something because of that or I hit puberty again, so got a beard hair. Luke: I think it’s important to mention that neither of us have diagnosed daily anxiety Evan: I think a really important to mention Luke: important thing – yeah There’s a separation between full-on like diagnose daily anxiety something you have every single day and a general background feeling of unease. I have had a medical person say that they think I have anxiety but not being properly diagnosed officially, but yeah, I was told I likely do. Evan: I want to talk about the fact that I feel like maybe not everyone but a lot more people than you expect have experienced anxiety in some form of life, but they wouldn’t talk about it or they would just push it aside. Which is really hurting, It’s really bad and the reason this has come up in my mind Is because of the recent death of the Linkin Park’s singer. I don’t know why it affected me as much as it did, but it did because I felt like this person was suffering a lot and he kept it to himself And he took his life, and it made me really sad because I know that so many other people are suffering like him And they have nowhere to go and I just wish more people were open about the fact that everyone has anxiety in a way everyone just has depression well, Everyone has mental health issues from time to time. Luke: The thing about Chester is that he actually Didn’t entirely keep it himself and he spoke openly with many newspapers about how he at points wanted to end his life and all his lyrics are full of references to depression. I actually I think the real problem there is that actually you say stuff, but people don’t really take it seriously until you do something and that’s really sad And that’s what I think the thing that society needs to get better at, is if someone says. Like so often we tweet things like “I’m very very awful tonight” but because it’s a tweet. You know if you actually said that to a person in real life, If i said that to you, like some of the things about tweet in the past you’d be like “what?” Evan: yeah well For me like for instance because I just come out of a sickness it feels much better to be able to tweet like “oh guys, I had the worse flu and I’m really sick.” and everyone be like “oh no I hope you feel better” because everyone knows exactly on the feels, but if I tweeted “guys I’m having really bad mental health right now.” It’s almost embarrassing It’s almost like Luke: yeah Evan: you know so much of who we are is in our brain. So my brain is sick That’s bad. Luke: And it’s sort of yeah, it’s like oh get away from the bad juju Evan: yeah I don’t know it feels almost embarrassing to say oh, I’m not feeling well and especially for me on my channel I try to be very upbeat. I make very happy videos so for me to go “Oh, I’m not feeling good today” I feel really sad Luke: as you did last week. Evan: Yeah, that was a scary video for me to upload because it wasn’t normal There’s a video of me being openly honest about this bad anxiety thing that I have. Luke: what you said earlier You said that you feel like a lot more people than you know have this and actually I think that because we’re not taught about symptoms or taught to sort of if you have a pain in your arm And you go and get a checked out Evan: yeah Luke: So on another level a lot of people who you don’t realize have it will have it and on another level You may be going through anxiety and not had had a label. You just have this kind of background unease and nervousness all the time, but you’ve never really put a label on that. Evan: Yeah and also I don’t want a label because once I put a label on it. It’s like now. I’m mentally unwell you know I’m not a perfectly healthy person. I want to lie to myself and tell myself. Oh, no. I’m great Luke: but that’s because society makes us scared of that. Evan: Yup. That’s true society is telling me I can’t be I cannot be mentally unwell at any point. To normalize it in my mind I view being mentally unwell for me the way that I am as having a illness so like I had a cold for three days I got mentally unwell for three days, and I felt really depressed and I had anxiety like that’s Normal it’s a normal thing that anyone can experience I usually get it when I have huge amounts of stress that happen all the same time. I’m moving house within a month I’ve been traveling way too much in the last month, A lot of stuff has been happening And I have no control over it that starts stressing me out which builds up anxiety in my head And then it all kicks off, and it’s really scary Luke: exactly I have um Which I’ve spoken to you about in on in our actual lives but it’s just not something I’ve ever spoken about online, but this background sort of constant Fear of certain things in my life, and it’s really I’d never put a label on it until I went and I had some stuff and chatted to people properly and like I’ve never really figured like this is not normal like it’s not normal or right that I should be constantly in fear of certain things and sort of terrified of every corner in my, chapter in my life either, but not so that for me was like a really big moment I was like oh, I’m not just crazy Like this is a thing and I think what like by discussing it and I think a lot of youtubers talking about it and normalizing it, it won’t cure it. It’s never going to cure it. Evan: No. Luke: But It’ll make people feel less alone less kind of freaky. Evan: Like just because you have money or because you have fame that doesn’t change the fact that on the inside things aren’t always the best Luke: Exactly what I tweet about this the other day Yeah, just saying money and fame and all this stuff does not make you happy in fact it generally makes it worse because if you’re somebody like Zoe who is literally living her entire life in front of Paparazzi and in front of fans and they can’t be in their house without someone waiting at the door the gate of their house sometimes And so it’s only going to make it worse. Evan: Yeah. Luke: you don’t go as an anxious person I’ve never looked at something and be like oh, this is a really really bad situation I’m in but like I look at those bank figures am I right yes like that’s not. *both laughs* Evan: at least I have money Luke: If anything it makes it worse, on the flip side of that money does allow you access to help in the way that like so when I wanted to get some help for things I was hit by the fact that our RHS is chronically underfunded and I couldn’t get more than a certain number of weeks of help without paying and I just haven’t done that anymore. Evan: Yeah for me I wanted to like try and get therapy for ages Just because I’d like to talk to a therapist about lots of different things find out the oppressed memories that I just found that I have, lots of stuff, but It’s so much effort. There’s so many walls. I’d spend money and not even the money It’s just, just Luke: it’s yeah And if you walked in and you were like being sick or like had a broken arm they fix you straight away, you’re in A&e done, and that’s not the lesson physical illness in any way, but if I want to get help for things I have to go to my doctor who then it depends on. Today where I wanted to talk about stuff and my doctor was so like uninterested in my existence and that’s just the type of person that person was but it can be so depending on who you talk to, how that person’s day is going Evan: like at least it was free though, that’s convenient. Luke: That is the thing. I was thinking though was like I’m so lucky that I can go “that wouldn’t go well. I’ll just booked another one” I did not cost me like 400 pounds. Evan: Yeah, just to check up for a doctor in the U.S.A is 75 bucks so like Luke: that’s disgusting. Evan: Hey doctor. Here’s my money *Luke laughs* Luke: that’s Evan: But I do think therapy is an incredibly important thing that a lot more people should consider, but there’s such a negative stigma on it that they just don’t like I said I’m now over the stigma, I’m just I have a huge issue with walls that come up when I want to do something the more difficult it is to do the low or lose interested Luke: And it’s also the people who are the exact people who need these help, the mental health services are the exact people who are not going Evan: people who have anxiety; they cannot do it. Luke: Someone who’s depressed is going to feel like they’re wasting people’s time Like the first two months of my thing I was just like I feel like I’m not really worthy to be here and there’s people With bigger problem, yeah and so like I just felt really like I, Why am I here? why am I wasting their time? like they’ve got limited resources and so if anything Those specific services need to be easier to access because you have no proof you have no broken arm or blood or bone sticking out your body. You only have your word and so you need to be able to go in and go I’m feeling this thing and be taken seriously Evan:yeah Luke: And be loved and accepted and made to feel not like you’re wasting their time Evan: In the meantime though if you can’t get therapy do you feel like talking to people or friends or family does help a lot? Luke: It depends. I mean, I think you have to pick pick carefully like I for example have never told my family about this, so sister if you’re watching I’ve never mentioned it It’s not like I try to hide it, I just I don’t want them to stress about it because I’m alright and worried Yeah, I’m on it. And that’s fine like I’m an adult I can deal with this but, Yes, I definitely I would say confining in people is great. Evan: Well, I find a lot of parents don’t take their children serious on this I know that’s personal experiences and from a lot of viewers comments on my last video they’ll say I tried to tell my mom I had anxiety tried to tell my mom I had depression and she’ll just say no it’s upset No, you just move on Luke: or you’re just teenagers Evan: Yeah, or you just teenagers, and it’s like not necessarily you kind of need to take this stuff seriously Luke: Like even if nine out of ten of the people going feeling like they’re go do something was just being a teenager Just being silly for that one out of ten you have to take it seriously Evan: Do you think people pretend to have anxiety because it’s Trendy? Luke: I’m sure there’s some people, but that’s like. Evan: I always encounter like that I see people tweet like well No, because someone wants got out of an assignment by saying he got anxiety about it And he doesn’t actually have anxiety and I was like okay. Well, he is a asshole. I mean there’s always those people with us Luke: Yeah, that’s my point. Is that even, in the same way the people are being dramatic if people making it up. You still need to just take it seriously for the rest of them. Evan: Yeah, exactly Luke: Like it’s like with anything They’re always will be people who are abusing like jobs or abusing benefits or abusing the NHS But you have to just sort of get over that and go the majority people are not because there’s so much stigma around depression or around anxiety, it’s not like people are going oh that made me really cool because it actually does make your friends alienate you sometimes Evan: yeah Luke: And no one wants that and so yes, some people doing it to be trendy But the majority of people aren’t and I think you can kind of spot the ones that are. Evan: yeah Luke: I don’t think it’s hard. Evan: personally I find when I am having really deep about’s of anxiety I just need to talk to a friend immediately just on the phone, and I’ll talk about anything, I’ll talk about what’s the causing issue So that it can get it out, and then we switch to something about them. I want to talk about them and what’s wrong with them their love life la blah blah And we go back to me back to them and then over time. It’s like it dissipates like I’m okay now. That’s just my personal. Luke: It’s like an attack. It’s like as long as you distract from it for as long as you can once that passes, then you can help it. It’s not gonna cure it, but you can help it Evan: What are your best tips for lessening anxiety you have when you’re really intense with it? because mine are mostly just trying to count my breaths a little bit and talking to people Luke: I think we have to really find out what the root Evan: Yeah Luke: Cause is,that what your trigger is like for me personally I get really anxious when I feel like I’m wasting my life or unproductive Evan: Oh, yeah, mine is unproductive. Luke: Yeah like and so that but then the problem with that is that the more anxious I feel the less productive I become so it’s a horrible cycle, I was feeling that for the last few days and Evan goes “Do you want to make a video?” And I suddenly like huh well yes yes I do and it really pulled me out of a really crappy few days um Evan: And I’m like sick as a dog like Luke: yeah, you have been as well like just watching Lord Of The Rings and stuff Evan: I was like listen because I was so sick I couldn’t do anything, but I knew When you’re that sick, you just have to so I was able to tell myself. It’s okay that I’m wasting two days I’m not wasting it. I’m allowing my body to heal Luke: yeah Luke: I think if you really have an understanding, if you have somebody in your life, or there’s an understanding of how you’re feeling and knows the root causes or your triggers or things like this. I think that can really pull you out it like we sort of did today for each other I’ve had a really horrible week of just oh, I’m failing, I’m getting nothing done, I’m sinking and actually that if you meant to but that kind of pulled me out of that, you’re still able to do this quickly organize to meet with friends or to do things, Kind of pull yourself out of that, so rather than once you’re in it. It’s impossible to pull yourself out, but once you are doing well try and sort of imagine that you will be like that in a few days time and set up stuff that will bring you out of it whether it is seeing friends, maybe it’s not seeing friends. Maybe it’s watching TV or getting work done. Evan: Yeah. Luke: But like trying to if you swing between emotions like I do all the time. I think trying and I suck at this, but really trying to prepare for when you’re bad Evan: If I can feel anxiety coming on and I know I can feel there’s a very light scream happening. I’m gonna go there. I always go oh my God Why is that? Oh. That’s just anxiety and that’s bullshit. I literally, I have to go. Nope that, and it comes back and like nope, nope, nope, and I have to keep saying nope to it, and that slightly worked sometimes and I’m still here. Luke: But there’s times when that you just can’t, like you’re just falling into this pit Evan: Yeah. Luke: And that’s yeah, It’s really difficult, so I think really opening up to people you trust who understand. I was tweeting the other day about how people just cannot understand mental health until they have a mental condition. Evan:Yeah Evan: I could never emphasis with the people that have anxiety until I experienced it, genuinely I think was like two years ago was the first time I experienced it but before then people would say it and I just I could never fully understand. Luke: Because they just think you’re being dramatic or you’re being lazy, or that you’re being whatever. Evan: I just didn’t know. Luke: I mean the majority of people did. Evan: As a happy party note, if you’ve never experienced anxiety Evan: Try and keep them occupied in a way and Luke: Try and trust that you don’t understand and trust the experience is real and valid and You should yeah Evan: And you should just be thankful they’re opening up to you and saying that they have that because that is with the stigma that’s hard enough as it is so thank them right, and then have a good time. Make good friends, and then everything be good. Thanks for coming to join me on spill the tea about anxiety Thank you. Luke: Lastly before we go I think we should say, We really intended this to be a good thing, and if we’ve messed up, or said anything silly then please let us know in a nice polite fashion and we will discuss. Evan: I hopefully don’t get anxiety from comments. We made a video on your channel. Luke: It’s called It’s okay to not be okay, and I think it will have help a lot of people. Evan: Go check that out. Thank you very much for watching. I hope to see you next week, and I hope you’re doing well, stay well. Luke: Stay Classy San Diego. Together: see you later. Bye

100 thoughts on “Anxiety | Spill The Tea | Evan Edinger & Luke Cutforth

  1. I'm late to the party, but I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. I recognized that the program I'm going through in school and the test that I take that are associated with it really exacerbates it. I personally take medication for it because it helps me to be able to function in school, but I actively try other means to reduce my anxiety while still on the medication. The goal isn't to be on medication forever, but I know that if that's what I need to be happy and feel okay then that's fine too. My family was hesitant to believe that I needed medication until they saw how much it helps me. Now both I and my family are in tune to how I feel. They let me talk out what is frightening me and know that sometimes I have days when the anxiety leads to depression. And on that days, they make a point to help me through those days. It can get better, whether its medicine or just talking it out with someone, it can get better.

  2. I told my dad that I have really bad anxiety and depression and he told me it was just a fad and when I was trying to hint that I may have ADHD he got upset because I wasn't being positive. I was having a panic attack and my dad told me I was doing it for attention.

  3. Omg that happens to me too, when i’m feeling that the anxiety is coming I start thinking “nope, don’t go there, think of smt else” and it sort of works a bit!

  4. I would love to have a friend who knows my triggors, behaviours and symptoms of my panic disorder, but i just don't. I feel like my friends don't care as they've never seemed interested about it or (on the rare occasion) that i bring it up, that don't ask further questions about it or anything like that. It really makes me feel that my anxiety and panic attacks aren't valid.

  5. Random tip: when having an anxiety or panic attack, you should try and name 5 things that you can see, 4 things that you can feel, 3 things that you can hear, 2 things that you can smell, 1 thing that you can taste, and then tell yourself that all of those things are a reason that you are a person and you are fine and you are allowed to feel like this. It helps.

  6. I told my dad that I felt as if something was wrong. We were in the car and I was talking to him about my panic attacks that were becoming more and more frequent and he said 'Don't worry. It's just a phase, I had them when I was a teenager but they go away.'
    They never went away and instead my mental health deteriorated to the point where I started to self-harm. It was then around a year later that I talked to one of my teachers about it, it took me a year to even try to persuade myself that I needed help and that I wasn't wasting anybody's time. The time that it happened was even worse though because my dad ended up having a heart attack the same week, he's fine now, but it made me feel even worse because I was like 'Dad could've died but you were too caught up in yourself. It's your fault.' even though it wasn't. Most of my family and friends are not easy to talk to, but my sister and god sisters have had more experience with mental health and how to help someone, so it was through them that I found my support system.

    Just a note for anyone that actually read this:
    My mental health issue has not been formally diagnosed. I am still just a teenager with panic attacks in the eyes of most people. And I feel like my mental health will always stay the same, especially now as I have figured out that I am definitely not straight or gender conforming.

  7. Im 12 and I've always had severe Emetophobia for my whole life which has across the years had developed into general anxiety. Now, I'm having panic attacks every few days and being constantly taken out of classes for it. Ive researched about it and told my parents I should see a doctor or go to therapy but their 'scared of what they'll do to me'. I just need to find a way to convince them

  8. I am suffering and nobody is helping me. I have told people that I think about killing myself but nobody takes me seriously. It's a brave thing to even say it but nowadays it's downplayed because of depression memes and he normalization of saying "I wanna kill myself" even I use those jokes.

  9. I'm debating whether I have anxiety or not. I'll get very anxious all the time but don't know if I'm overreacting because I have nothing to base it on. One of my 'friends' says she was depression, OCD and anxiety but doesn't really understand what it means to have them ( I understand that the could have those mental illnesses but she doesn't show any symptoms of them) and I don't want to act like her. I can be fine at school and when for example in the lunch queue with lots of people I get stressed and scared and the smallest things scare and stress me out.

  10. I told my mom for the last 3 years that i have social anxiety and she didn’t believe me and said i was shy until i told her about my panic attacks and that was this year. I had to suffer in a room full of people while I could not do it, it would have been bad for me

  11. My mom is a wonderful loving woman, but she refuses to believe that I've ever had an unhealthy amount of anxiety or depression.

    Every time I try to tell her, she gets super religious and basically tells me that I'm speaking my anxiety into existence; that saying that I don't have anxiety because God will just not let that happen.

    I do have over active anxiety. I need professional help. I can't just "pray the anxiety away" just like if I broke my arm, my mom wouldn't "pray the break away."

    I feel really fortunate to go to a university that provides me with therapy and a supportive atmosphere. And that I have a boyfriend who really doesn't understand me sometimes and actually puts me in very high anxiety provoking situations but really tries to help and understand me. He's not perfect but he tries <3

  12. You said that people with anxiety should speak up about it soooooo, ye. When I was younger big groups meant loud noises, no kindness, bullying, and so many people in smaller spaces. So now when I am in a lot of people in one place I get really scared and overwhelmed. Then other things happened and simple things make be very very very very very very much afraid 😀

  13. 8:49 totally. my mum and dad were completely unsupportive and actually… pretty nasty about it. I confided to them about feeling extremely anxious all the time, suffering from severe, what many sites i'd poured over and researched endlessly, told me were panic attacks and was met with an angry silence, as If i'd done something wrong. I feel unsafe In my home because of things like this, because it wasn't just this one instance, many times before that I have had them react this way to me confiding in them.

  14. I don’t really understand my mental issues, like I am 100% certain that I have problems but I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I tried talking to friends about it and they just tried to relate which I don’t hate them for but you comparing my mental breakdowns and panic attack about exams to your stressed about not studying enough, makes me feel like I’m overreacting which then made me feel dramatic and worthless. I also tried to tell my mum and she was so supportive when I was going through it but the day after my breakdown, she completely forgot and ignored me and didn’t understand why I was stressing over something as dumb as not finding a locker key. This video helped me understand that being this way is ok and normal. I’m also glad that Evan and Luke mentioned that they were self-diagnosed, because as someone who has been told on a multitude of occasions that I’m being dramatic or seeking attention over something I can’t prove, it is nice to know that for some people a doctor diagnosis isn’t the ONLY thing that means someone is struggling with their mental health.

  15. I have anxiety and depression, both diagnosed by my doctor but mom still denies it. She makes up excuses as to why I'm feeling the way I do and like it's just hormones. I cut myself fairly often and she's seen the cuts twice already, both times she yelled at me and told me I was only doing it for attention or to be cool and popular. No? When I asked to go to therapy she said the same thing, that I only wanted to go for attention and that therapy is a waste of money anyway. Is there anything I can do to show her that this is real and I need help?

  16. If one person lied to you about having cancer you wouldn't then accuse all other sufferers of lying, the same should be true for mental issues

  17. I have anxiety and depression(not diagnosed), and for me I draw, or write about my anxiety for me to become less anxious, or lower my level of anxiety.

    This school year has brought my anxiety to another level. The "invisible pressure" from my relatives has been really weighing me down on top of my class schedule being really difficult, and I try to talk to my friends about it, but I feel like i'm just bringing them down to my level of anxiety and sadness(my friends deal with anxiety and depression). So when Luke was talking about feeling bad for no reason I just related so much I had to respond.

  18. I know that this isn't what the video was about, but if you are feeling really depressed and as if you can't make yourself do anything, and you are alone, then put on an upbeat song that you have no sadness connected to (I like to use the original Pokemon theme song or one of the ones that I grew up with) and FORCE yourself to sing it. You don't have to stand; just sit up, sing, and move your arms. You may feel silly, but it works. Try not to use the same one every time, because you might attach a negative emotion to it. Opening songs to childhood shows are my first choice.

  19. I totally understand the parents not taking it seriously thing. I have tried to talk about it so many times. And the message has never gone through…

  20. I'm so glad I know of youtubers that can talk so freely about mental health issues. It gives me hope, especially as someone with anxiety and OCD.

  21. Exactly,1st thing is admitting it. I find the most fascinating artists have mental health problems

  22. Thank you. This really helped me out today. A few days ago a friend/peer had shut me down and told me (making it very clear) that I didn't have anxiety and that really upset me. But as she had Aspergers I decided not to talk back and just say 'okay.' But it's been really buggering me. Even though I have been medically diagnosed. THis has made me feel okay about myself again.

  23. I haven't related to someone when it comes to anxiety in such a long time. Just the way you explain it is spot on for me. Thank you guys for making these videos. ❤😀

  24. I have had many panic attacks at school and the called my mom. We talked about it later and she said I​ needed to toughen up

  25. Listening to all of this, I am so glad that my dad is so supportive when it comes to my mental health. He let's me stay at home if I'm feeling bad and talks to my teacher about me not being able to do this presentation-thing because I'm so freaking anxious. I'm gonna get professional help (hopefully soon) and it's just… I wouldn't be able to do this without him. Not just because I'm underage but because he's really supporting me and taking my problems serious. Well, you're never gonna read this, but thanks Dad 🙂

  26. i am so glad i'm now seeing this video today which is the same day that I scheduled an appointment to see a therapist! I struggled with something for a long time. I knew there was something wrong with me but never could figure out what it was up until I served as a trial missionary for my church. That's when my companion/roommate noticed about my mood swings and how she was the only one who can tell that I wasn't happy most of the time. I then was seeing counseling during my mission and that's when I was diagnosed with PTSD. So yeah, there's times when I felt anxiety and depression but there will always always be feelings of love and joy that I felt from my Savior and from all my missionary friends. Those two things are hard to feel a lot of times, especially before I was set apart to go on the mission. Anxiety and depression are absolutely the worst. There are moments where I feel like I can't breathe and panic and then I start to cry because I felt hopeless and no one can help me. There are some mornings that I felt the dread of wanting to get out of bed. There are times when I would feel so scared and dreaded coming to work because I would always wonder "ok, which boss is gonna be there during my whole shift, the awesome one or the mean one?" With PTSD, it's that along with unwanted, bad memories when some things trigger me and make me do some things out of fear, like (for me personally because idk if anyone does this too) I do not wanting to eat because i'm scared to or being indecisive if i should eat something or not, there's a reason why I do that sometimes and I don't like to talk about it. But on a positive side, I'm so so happy that I gathered up the courage, humility, and boldness to know what it is that I need to do & to get the help that the Lord wants me to get <3 🙂

  27. My old therapist was so judgemental and she has put me off trying to go get help and I don’t know what to do.

  28. 8:35
    I would actually like to talk with my parents about this but I’m too scared to do that. Seriously, I’m afraid my mom might just deny it.

  29. My anxiety got so bad that I actually asked my mum to go to a psychiatrist. She said no and that I was just a hypochondriac. I was 9.
    The only reason it's not as bad now is that I prayed and that gave me hope. I told myself I wouldn't mind if I died because I would go to heaven 🙂 even if God isn't real my belief in him gave me hope.
    I'm 12 now and I strongly believe that that is the reason why I'm not in a mental home.
    But to all those with anxiety, just keep Hope, it doesn't have to be in God – just in something 🙂

  30. I am so lucky to have a large amount of resources to access and parents who take what I go through some what seriously. I was in such a bad place last year that I was taken out of school because I wouldn’t leave the house for days even though I had school so I went through 6 weeks in an out patient program

  31. I am so lucky to have a large amount of resources to access and parents who take what I go through some what seriously. And i just wish people were able to have things like that

  32. i have social Anxiety and separation Anxiety so i got panic attacks when i was heading to school and i almost jumped out the car one but i got my meds to help a bit so yeah

  33. I’m starting therapy next week and lemme tell you the money situation here in America sucks actual ass

  34. I have sepression, anxiety, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and im bi-polar. Yet I still know im not alone.

  35. I'm glad that you are using your platform to start a conversation about two very common mental illnesses. In the video you said that you will have periods of anxiety usually due to increased stress, which makes sense. That is definitely something that most people experience from time to time. I wanted to point out that a generalized anxiety disorder is described as feelings of "constant, exaggerated worrisome thought and tension about everyday, routine life events and activities, lasting at least 6 months." The disorder also comes with a host of physical symptoms. Also, people with generalized anxiety disorder can't just pull themselves out of it by using self care tactics that you guys were discussing. It is a mental illness that typically needs some kind of specialized help to work through. It is a constant battle. If you don't have an anxiety disorder, I maybe wouldn't say "I have anxiety," but rather "I get anxiety/anxious." (Because everyone gets anxious at times. It is our fight or flight response to stressors. Also, there are so many types of anxiety: generalized, panic disorder, PTSD, OCD, etc.) Saying "I have anxiety" makes me think you have an anxiety disorder, though that may just be me. I just wanted to make sure that people know that periods of anxiousness doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder, but it is still totally legitimate and can be hard to work through. Anyways, love you!

  36. This comment probably doesn't matter since it's just about myself, but recently I've been considering getting diagnosed for general anxiety (what I was diagnosed by with a therapist) with my GP just to feel validated. I've been suffering from this since a young age, and I'm beginning to worry about simply the chance of being told ''I don't count'' in some way. I was even contemplating skipping this video. Anything about mental illness, including therapy, I've been finding myself to avoid.

    Honestly it bothers me that I feel the need to prove myself to others. But what can ya' do. I don't want to have to spill my life story whenever someone doubts me.

  37. What you said about help needing to be made more accessible for mental illnesses is so true. I've wanted to visit a therapist for the longest time, but whenever I try to book an appointment I end up having a panic attack, especially because our doctor's office requires them to call you to see if your case is serious enough for them to see before they accept you for an appointment. Phone calls are already too much for me, but then I end up feeling like my own issues aren't serious enough so, even if I could manage the call, they'd tell me not to waste their time.

    Due to a teacher at my school, I'm going to be starting counselling in September. I'm thankful, but also terrified about so many things like what it's going to be like, where I have to go for it, whether people will find out about it, etcetera, etcetera (I'm the kind of person who has to know every single detail of everything and confirm it for myself before I do anything to avoid panicking over it which is very frustrating for other people). Not to mention, despite knowing for years that I want (dare I say, need) help and how desparate I am for that, it took that teacher several different instances of offering me councelling for me to actually agree to it. This isn't only because of my anxiety issues, but also because of the fact I disocciate (I hesitate to call it that since I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but that's the based way to explain it right now) every time I spoke to that teacher about anything to do with my mental health, partially due to guilt and self-loathing for saying anything and making a big deal out of nothing and partially because it's easier to speak about things when I'm like that. Due to that, however, I don't feel in the moment that anything I talk about is or has happened to me. I feel like it is someone else's issue and not anything to do with me, like I'm just relaying the facts of someone else's life. This means I don't take it seriously when I'm offered help or don't feel like I need it due to the disocciation separating me from the issue.

    All in all, I could have gotten help years ago and prevented my mental health from ending up in the state it's in if they would make that kind of help more accessible to people. I don't want to keep breaking down in front of people I can't trust to keep what they hear to themselves for both legal and social reasons (not that it's happened often, but the longer you keep something you yourself the more likely it is to come out when you're under a lot of stress and pressure). People often tell me to call different charities for help or to use online forums, but those types of things aren't comfortable for me no matter how anonymous they are.

  38. Luke mentioned a few times a kind of "background unease and nervousness all the time" – that's called GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder – and IMO – if you feel like that – you don't really need to have a doctor "anoint you" that you have it. You do. I do too – and I'm really feeling it this a.m. It's very common actually. I feel your pain, Luke. You are not alone. 💞 Great discussion, guys.

  39. You guys talked about this rlly well. I have anxiety daily and yes people tend to think you are lazy when ur anxiety is so bad u can't do anything. I rlly don't understand the trend of some people pretending they have it because real anxiety is not fun. Here is why. You cant sleep, people think ur lazy, ur aftaid to talk to anyone afraid u will be judged , sometimes it feels like ur heart stoped beating and u cant breath and then u feel it start up again. Also having days where u cry all day and can't do anything but cry as the day passes by. Its not fun and its a real thing

  40. It's very strange how people perceive the labels on mental health. When I was diagnosed it was more of a relief than anything. It was like I had a name to put to this abnormal thing that I felt rather than that confusion of not knowing what it is or why I feel it for seemingly no reason.

  41. It's very true what you said about parents not taking their kids seriously. For example, I've been practically on my knees begging my mom to take me to a psychiatrist since like October because I KNOW there is something seriously wrong with me and I want to get help. On top of just me, my school councilor, school nurse, a doctor, another nurse, and a social worker have all told her that I need to go see a mental health specialist, but she isn't having it because it's "just in my head." It wasn't until yesterday when my therapist told my dad that she thinks I might have psychosis that a psychiatrist was even called. By my dad. Who has always thrown my anxiety and stuff in my face as stuff that makes me a horrible person and my mom does the same thing. I'm fairly certain the only reason that it was taken seriously is 1. Psychosis is a very scary word and a very scary type of disorder 2. It was my therapist telling him that, someone who has some sort of degree in psychology not just a hormonal teenage girl who's "probably just doing it for attention." I wouldn't wish what I go through on the people I hate the most in the world. I would literally wish death on someone before I would wish that they would go through what I have to go through.

  42. When luke talked about how people dont take it seriously until you do something I 100% agree. I have a friend who mentioned lots of things linked to depression but when I would ask she said that she was fine. Not to long ago she tried to kill herself with prescription drug overdose during school. She survived thankfully but now people who don't understand /haven't experienced mental health issues treat her like a freak. Even the fucking teachers on the day that it happened said that we weren't allowed to talk about depression and suicide making her feel worse. I suffered with suicidal thoughts too and I'm scared that it with take me to try to end my own life to be taken seriously. For now we are seen as 'edgy teens looking for attention' the world if fucked up.

  43. To people who suffer with anxiety and especially panic attack: what is the best way to help someone while they are having panic attacks? One of my best friends gets them a lot and I always feel like I never know what to do or how to help. Any tips would be appreciated!!

  44. I think there is an issue with teenagers over exaggerating their stress and or worry… or trying to self diagnose to seem more “interesting”. It’s pretty obvious when you find it but is is becoming more common. Get a diagnosis!!

  45. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression but I'm also someone who likes to solve other people's problems. These have been clashing recently because absorbing other people's problems causes my anxiety to get worse and in turn my depression too. This really helped me to feel like I'm not alone and that sometimes I should talk to my friends like they do to me. Thank you guys.

  46. I think this is a good video and points out a lot. The worst place for brushing off people with mental health are schools

  47. Feeling stressed, or scared is not the same as anxiety disorder. You cant just talk bullshit like this without knowing. No not everyone has it. Also anxiety is not over by just talking to your friend. That is stupid. People with the disorder feel like dying, they cant breath etc. Feeling like you are wasting your life is stressing, but not anxiety. Anxiety is when you wake up middle of the night in cold sweat hyperventilating because you are scared of something unreasonable. Stop bullshitting. You guys talk about not labeling people but also label yourself? EVERYONE FEELS SAD, OR STRESSED ETC. IT DOESNT MEEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED OR HAVE ANXIETY. Also, you have to be depressed over 2 continuing weeks without any factor that makes you sad to be considered to be checked out for depression. You cant say that everyone feels depressed. That is not right.

  48. Yea but you're actually paying for someone to do their job id rather pay for a mediocre service than get a shit sandwich for free

  49. just Evan saying that when he was ill he just stayed in bed because it was what his body needed, was exactly what I needed to hear right now ❤️ if I get ill and feel like I need a day off work it triggers my anxiety of 'not feeling ill enough' to be ALLOWED to take a day to rest at home, and then I wind up having anxiety attacks on and off all day. because when I was really struggling with my mental health, I was told by friends/family that it 'wasn't bad enough' and it 'didn't count'. they never validated what I was going through so I suffered alone and never got help. it got so in my head, that now I have this incessant need for validation over everything. I don't trust my own feelings anymore, someone has to tell me I'm ALLOWED to feel bad, even when I feel physically ill, not just mentally.

    I really wish more people would be open to honest conversations about mental health, instead of shutting it down as 'not bad enough' or sweeping it under the rug as 'just hormones'

  50. The other day I told my friend that I have anxiety and that’s why I have been hyperventilating and sobbing in stressful situations and she just stared at me and changed the subject, which made me feel embarrassed that I ever said anything.

  51. As someone who has Anxiety, I feel like everybody dies get anxious feelings from time to time and that’s normal like being sad and upset. but to hAve anxiety is being anxious at things that are totally illogical and when there’s no need to be and it’s uncontrollable and it can physically make you ill or have panic/anxiety attacks and it’s totally sub conscious and you live with it

  52. i feel that I'm really lucky because i live in england so stuff is free but as well as that my school has a free counselling service and i think it should be that way everywhere because mental health is so important

  53. I just wanted to thank you two for making this video. It really helps to See that I’m not alone in suffering from this. I have severe generalised anxiety disorder and have also been struggling with health and social anxiety and sometimes it feels like nobody understands. I’ve had friends leave because of this and my last relationship failed also because my ex thought dealing with my anxiety was annoying.. even my parents just tell me to stop it and that it’s enough now. Sometime I just don’t know what to do anymore but your video has helped me in seeing that I’m not alone and that there is a way to deal with this. So thank you and I hope you make more videos on mental health in the future!

  54. A year ago I suffered depression and anxiety and tried to tell my mum about it she told I was being silly and it was just hormones I became so depressed I wanted to commit suicide and I was about to and I had a knife to my heart when my cat came and cuddled me and I got help with a therapist and that helped and I still go weekly so my advice is gets some help with a professional

  55. You know sometimes anxiety gets to a point where you are anxious but you don’t know why or what the reason is. Feeling that is so scary. I personally have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and it is so hard. Evan this video means so much to me thank you even a year later for making this. It means a lot 👍🏻

  56. i was in the car with my mum a few weeks back and i’d just got out of a grade examination and i’d been thinking about it for a very long time and i just said ‘i think i have an anxiety disorder’ and she brushed it off so quickly like it meant nothing and i felt really bad after that
    i take attacks in the dead of night and it’s like 3am so i don’t know what i can do no ones awake
    i’ve found my favourite way to stop an attack is literally praying, i’m not religious but the rhythm in prays like the our father help me to calm down

  57. When I try to tell my mum I think I have anxiety bc of the constant stress and I always think people judge me and overall I start panicking over little things she keeps on saying it’s just ur age or it’s nothing

  58. I know I'm late to the party commenting on this, but I was looking back on some of your videos Evan, and came across this one. I was diagnosed with ADD recently (the inattentive type, not hyperactive) and I've had a weird reaction to it. Hearing you guys talk about mental health in general I find very relatable, because it resonates so strongly with me. I don't like being labeled as having ADD, but the only way I could get help with how my brain was functioning was to be officially diagnosed. No one would recognize that I was struggling unless I had a name to my problem. And it bothers me greatly that in more serious issues like anxiety or depression, people will say their experiencing symptoms that are clearly depression or anxiety, and others won't help unless they have the label or the diagnosis.

    I wish we had a better system to get people help when they're mentally unhealthy, without having to give them a label for a specific problem. Sometimes people are just struggling and need a helping hand, not a medication for a specific problem, or regular psychiatrist visits (thought there are many who do need that and it is greatly beneficial). Sometimes people just want to know they are cared for and noticed by others.

  59. I fear whenever I feel something is bad that I’m just trying to be special. That nothings actually wrong it took my friends suggesting I go to therapy for a year before a saw someone. Been going for a couple months and neither of us can figure out what’s wrong but she believes something is wrong. There’s seriously a problem. I do feel like a waste but we are working on it.

  60. The most frustrating thing about my anxiety is there isn't always a trigger. I could be perfectly fine and out of nowhere it shows up. One good thing is my Husband is very understanding.

  61. GCSEs are the biggest contributor to my stress levels. It’s normal to see everyone have breakdowns every week like I don’t get how people in control are okay with that?

  62. I have social anxiety, being bullied at school messed me up badly. Now I'm older its affected my whole life, scared to work or even go shopping because of it.

  63. I’ve literally gone to the doctors after my school advisor told me to because I’ve had panic attacks every week for three months and when I went I literally told them all the shit that’s going on and how I’ve felt this way since I remember and she just turned around and said how old are you I said I was fourteen and she just said Sweetie your at a difficult age things are confusing and everyone is feeling this I literally say there with my mouth open and then left since then I got worse and started to rip the skin of my hand to the point it was painful to touch anything and then I started counciling and therapy. I have been very vocal about this since then because I find it shameful that it took me self harming to to get them to do something about it

  64. It's nice to know anxiety is being talked about . her mom denied her anxiety and didn't listen I thought of my mom she did the opposite and stated looking for something to make mine better. I'm more grateful now.

  65. The therapist I go to right now, it’s 75 dollars an appointment so I can only go once a month because I can’t afford it’. And I currently am unable to get to a therapist that accept my insurance, and it’s very difficult.
    I think the NHS can be such a great thing if it was funded properly and I dont even live in the UK but I support the idea and I want it to succeed even when I can’t be a part of it because like so many people could benefit from it so much. And it’s just very difficult the health care and mental care.

  66. I’m also so grateful that guys are discussing this. It’s important to have men talking about the issue as well, and bring awareness to it because of a lot of different stigmas ect. And I just really appreciate this video, and you guys for doing it. So thank you and honestly just keep up the good work

  67. I'm nearly thirty and have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was In school . I really hate that people judge too quick I have had someone tell me that I'm the way I am for attention . I started to question myself if it was true but thankfully I thought logically about it nobody would feel like rubbish just for attention it isn't a nice feeling . There shouldn't be a stigma there even though I feel very alone when I'm going through a rough patch I no that there is lot of people out there who are the same. You could be the richest person in the world and get it or have tonnes of people around you . Anxiety and depression doesn't discriminate It can happen to anyone.

  68. when something is wrong the responses are: a. walk it off, it is fine, stiff upper lip. b. omg total freak out. c. here is drugs or a band aid or therapy

    i have tried a b and c when something is wrong but none of those work. they are ony temporary or dont go further then or than the surface not even close to the roots of the problems. i cant think or pray away the problems because those dont actually work no matter what people say. im sorry but problems dont go away they get burried until they get dug up like zombies that cant be stopped. i cant think or pray away a sinus infection or bad feelings or thoughts. that is not the way the world works.

  69. 9:16 I've only ever met one person like this. Its so obvious that they're faking it and it upsets me and my other friends who do have to deal with this stuff. But its not often that you get people like that and they are just a really shitty person

  70. Hi I also tried to tell my parents about how I was feeling ( i didn’t know it was anxiety) so I explained my symptoms- discomfort in social situations, overthinking to the point of not doing it, racing heartbeat, feeling ill, hot and cold chills, breathing being really deep but fast . Anyway my mum is in the NHS but she thought I was over reacting. My school counsellor told me I had anxiety but I’ve never been diagnosed – background – for 3 years I had panic attacks every morning before school it was not fun 😐
    Anyway I hope someone relates to this 💗

  71. The thing that really bothers me is that people seem to expect that showing a little support the once should make it all ok as if the people who do it for attention have almost become the norm and that it's factoring into how people react to legitimate depression and anxiety leading to the alienation that Luke mentioned if you bring it up too often and people feel like you're going on about it and I'm just like "yah, there is a thing that's wrong in my brain that affects my perception of the world and of our interactions"

  72. I think it's good that people are talking about these issues now, and social media has done a great deal to raise awareness of mental health. Back in 2009, when I was having quite severe anxiety and depression, I didn't have that vocabulary to know what was going on in my mind. I just knew I felt worthless and I wanted to kill myself. I can look back now and say yes that was anxiety, but there was no support at the time. I fainted at work and the management and doctors were looking for heart conditions and stuff like that, and my mental health wasn't considered. In hindsight, I think mental health training should be part of first aid courses.

  73. I begged my parents from the time I was 12 until I was 15 to go to a therapist and get on medication. For years I struggled with self harm, an eating disorder, and suicide attempts silently, as well as recovering and relapsing and recovering from the first two on my own without my parents' knowledge. They finally took me to a doctor when I had a panic attack and ended up in the clinic because I couldn't breathe and the doctor told them that I probably had an anxiety disorder. I'm currently diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. My parents didn't listen to me because I was just a kid and they didn't want me on medication because of the falsities that are spread about it making kids into zombies (total bs but thats a rant for another time)

  74. So late to this but I have like serious anxiety over sick and like being ill and I have since I was 5 and you tell people and they say oh nobody likes sick, and nobody understands that it is such a true and life changing phobia/anxiety it’s so hard to even explain to people

  75. I absolutely had anxiety as a child but didn't have the words to express it and the adults around me ignored mental/emotional problems. Now that I'm an educated adult, I refuse to pretend nothing is happening when my mental health begins to decline, and as a result I have fewer panic attacks.

  76. Idk if this is a type of anxiety or if its normal, but ive always had this problem since i was i wanna say middle school but i get really really bad anxiety like really nervous to the point where im crying, but i get really anxious before going someplace new, and i mean out of town, i get super nervous before going on a trip but then i get there and everything's fine and i feel stupid for freaking out

  77. Yeah, it's actually so hard to find a therapist, especially for people with anxiety. This summer I had pretty bad anxiety and I felt super depressed, so that one time I was taken to the hospital because people thought I had suicidal thoughts (I wasn't, but I couldn't communicate that properly) and a psychiatrist talked to me and gave me a list of phone numbers from therapists in my city. But I fear making phone calls, so I couldn't use that list and when I searched for myself on the internet, I found that probably 80% of therapists didn't even had an email, just a phone number and the other 20% didn't make appointments for at least the next 6 month. So how am I going to find a therapists that only makes appointments by phone when I'm scared to talk on the phone?

  78. If it messes up your life. Daily, you'll probably be diagnosed. Had someone tell me I was not valid till I had a diagnoses. Then I found out later I was diagnosed, but my therapist didn't tell me about it. If you find that confusing, then well the answer is the VA. She diagnosed me as with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and paranoia but not like serious paranoia. Idk I have anxiety almost constantly. Random mood changes. My anxiety comes from so many past experiences. My parents also ingore comments like that. Alot of it is really tied to them. I had my first major depressive episode. Didnt barely get out of bed for three weeks. Ate like once maybe twice a day. Had some pretty intrusive thoughts, serious ones. I finally thought to try another go with a therapist. I was finally back to okay spirits agin by then though. Through the Va it took 3 weeks to get an appointment to get approved for a therapists. So another month and half after that. I get outside when I feel it coming on, or take a hot shower immediately. Im 27, nobody gives a shit about your problems around that age. You need to find your triggers, but don't get anxiety of finding them triggers. The going for walk when I'd rather give up on life. Thats a hard one. Id just go outside my apartment and sit in the shade, take calming breaths. If I did that well enough, I go walk out of the complex to a little local park. (I normally don't have to take it that far till Im in a depressive episode.) This was from my personal experience there are many other methods. While many didnt work with me, they might for you. The way my therapist put it. A lot of people that have anxiety diagnoses had a bad experience early on, and always being on edge gave you a survival edge. Now that your background has changed, your still looking for danger, adapting that to worried about failure, since in many homes failure is danger. Idk most of the things that set me off have a relation to at least one of my dark childhood memories. Its hard not to be embarrassed. As a male and a gay one. I feel I have enough reasons for people question/ judge me on my value as a male. That annoying terminology we get as boys.
    *Male Role Model*: " Look here boy this is how a man does things"
    Or some variation of man up.
    Not taking care of yourself, leads to bad places. If someone puts you down when you seriously look them in the eye and say," I am not okay". Get rid of them, I do not care if that person gave birth to you. You need to get mentally stable and in order to keep that person close to you, you need to survive your own mind first. If you have felt down and strongly over the years and keep saying well I always get down, I'll come out of it soon. Yet during you think *Fuck I need help*. Get help, its hard because once you get better you convince yourself your fine. I did that. Then I had a major depressive episode. I was so suicidal I almost ended things subconsciously. Was drawling, thought I picked up my pencil and put it to my paper. Yet no ink came out, so I pressed a little harder and felt a pain on my wrist. Yup instead of picking my pin up, I had a knife, when I looked down I had a knife on my wrist. I was bleeding slightly. Still confused I looked at the paper an I hadn't drawn anything yet, and my hand wasn't positioned over it with a pen anymore. So, basically don't go on neglecting yourself. If you have a huge waiting period, best not wait till its an emergency. I had 11 more times where I almost ended things without knowing it that month. Just s side effect of stuff I pushed down. Not everyones me, and your not really going to go crazy persay. We all are different. Maybe your back story is just as dark as mine, along the way you may have Emotionally Matured to better handle your own shit. If you dont get help because you dont want to sit face to tace and say aloud what is wrong. My first time talking about my past, I just wrote it down and asked for the therapist not to look at me. It was somewhat easier, also anonymous chat boards helped me get used to speaking about the past.

  79. For me i do not say “i have been depressed for the past couple of days” i say “ i was sad” and for someone that has diagnosed depression, anxiety,OCD, Trichotillomania , social anxiety +more it makes a big difference once you experienced it. I think that sad and depressed are to HUGE different things. Depression is a illness and long term and sad is a short term thing.( BTW this is the first time i have really told other people about this)

  80. i have a weird way of bettering my sadness.

    i like acting so what i do is i find somewhere comfy like my bed and i literally act out a totally different scenario. i will talk out loud and sometimes cry lol. the scenarios can be happy or sad but i always get really deep into them and do this for like 15 minutes.

    it really helps me cuz it’s like forcing myself into a different scenario where my current problems aren’t a thing. it also makes me feel like i’m in control because i’m like the director of this scenario. and that’s comforting. haha there’s my weird coping mechanism ^^

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